KEVIN LEW'S STUPID HELP DESK FAQ
"You should make a document, call it 'Who I Am, Why I Am Stupid, What I
Don't Like, How You Should Read My Posts, What Is The Help Desk and How
It Can Help You'" --Xavier Hardy
This was suggested to me by several folks, including Pan-da, who says that
I am becoming more unpopular than C-ko.
1) Are you really that crazy?
Yes. In the age of computing where WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You
Get) is key, that describes me perfectly. Actually, I am more obnoxious
in person. My co-workers usually see me coming, and they say, "What's
that out the window?" and then they run. "Doko, doko wa? Nani... EH?!
Shimatta." *boom*
2) Wait, so you're saying all that stuff is true?
When I say WYSIWYG, I mean it. Do I really have a sister named Pan-da?
Do I slam dance to J-pop songs? Of course, that's true. Yes, Charles the
Sukebe-Oh really exists, and all those quotes are real, etc. Well... some
are exaggerations, but if I said, "Hey, *insert name here* once drove 45 miles
per hour over a speed bump"--that really happened. (His muffler fell
off).
3) I don't get it, why are you so obnoxious?
Because that's how I was raised in my House of Pain (trademark)
household. In a family where "conversation" means "screaming your brains
out at each other", you end up somewhat socially maladjusted.
I found out that my pathetic social skills can sometimes be extermely
useful. I don't think that I could have discovered the meaning of "iroha"
or "menma" if I hadn't annoyed people so badly that they finally told me
to shut me up. It's a tried and true method of getting a point noticed,
people talking, and questions answered. It also gets you plenty of death
threats.
Actually, you should know that my personality is Extremely Silly, which
means that if you got mad, then you probably need to relax. I assure you,
Howard Stern is more obnoxious, and he gets paid to be that way.
4) What are topics that make you REALLY mad?
Just about anything, if I'm in a bad mood (most of the time). Read the
M.L. for a few weeks, and you'll know which ones get you killed. I don't
hide much, as I have no shame. For example, who on the M.L. doesn't know
what Inoue Kikuko's WORST anime performance is?
5) Why are all your letters so long?
Because I like to write/talk. You can ask my co-workers about it. Ask
them if I *really* like to talk about Japanese animation. Remember:
"What's that out the window?"
6) What is the Ranma 1/2 Stupid Help Desk?
Eight months ago, back when the Great Ones like Hitoshi Doi or ITO
Takayuki used to post on r.a.a., there was all kinds of crap on it (just
like today, I guess). The Mailing List didn't help either, as it was
mostly crap (just like today, I guess). Even Ito-san loved to participate
in the "Does Kasumi know any martial arts?" topic, which to this day, I
still disagree with him. ^_- Anyway, the actual signal stuff (like
questions) got ignored for some bizarre reason, and after a while, since
my newsreader has a bizarre Read-Only setting, I decided to send the
writers letters with answers.
Eventually, I began to realize, gee, I guess that I do know enough
about Ranma 1/2. I noticed that my ideas usually matched the other Ranma
Gods, despite that I don't own any Ranma tapes and can read Japanese only
one katakana character at a time. So I figured, why not? Stupid Eugene
said that it was impossible for me to run a help desk with my pathetic
qualifications. So I wanted to Chase the Dream, and try it out. Thus the
Stupid Ranma 1/2 Help Desk was born. Enrique Conty claimed (at the time)
that it was the best thing in r.a.a. (That was before he knew me. Yep:
Look out the window.)
Two months later, I was getting more letters in my mailbox than in the
Ranma Mailing List. At peak days, I'd get close to 20 letters a day,
which back then, was more than you can imagine. Some asked if I meant
that the Help Desk was stupid, or Ranma was stupid, so the name was
changed quietly to Ranma 1/2 Stupid Help Desk.
7) How do I use the Ranma 1/2 Stupid Help Desk?
You send an e-mail to one of two addresses:
kasumi@eden.com (Home Account)
ra1628@email.sps.mot.com (Work Account)
Why do I call them Normal and Special accounts? Because my work
account is buggy, and 50% of the time, you'll get bounced mail if you try
to reply to it. Why? Because the header info changes by itself. Yep!
The mail utility that I use will sometimes change my e-mail address to a
bogus address. I have no control over it. That's Motorola for you.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO SEND ME MAIL:
Please make sure that you use a REAL e-mail address when you send mail
to me. If you can't do that, then make sure that at least INCLUDE a
VALID E-MAIL ADDRESS in your letter to me. I have gotten over the years hundreds of questions, and some of them come from these bad addresses. I respond to almost every e-mail that comes to me. I *promise* that I answer all e-mail that contains a question. But I can't help if you give me some bogus address that causes my mail to bounce.
Right now, the stats are showing that ONE OUT OF THREE reply addresses
sent to me are BAD. Stop doing this! It wastes my time. :(
In recent times, I noticed the attitude on the Net has changed greatly.
There are others that know just as much as me now (since I taught them so
well ^_-), and fortunately, they are unafraid to post. I expect to quit
advertising the Help Desk pretty soon as there is no need for it, really.
There are no stupid questions anymore--the fen are too smart!
I'll always accept any questions and any other mail, but I just won't
bother mentioning my services. I'm going to attempt lurking pretty soon.
I wonder what that's like? (No, seriously! ^_^)
8) Who are the Secret Volunteer-Only Help Desk Staff?
There's almost 50 people that work to solve any question that I have,
assuming that I haven't pushed them over the edge (which takes about 1
week). We're talking fan translators, fanfiction writers, anime
dealers... you name it! I found them (or they found me) just because of
my aggressive personality. Eventually, however, they realize that I
really am crazy and then they tell me to look out the window as they run.
Or, I needle them with commentary/questions until they mail me a death
threat.
If I've written to you more than three times, and I sent you a
Voluntary Otaku Poll, you're in it. You guys know who you are. Thanks.
(I won't embarrass them by naming them, but man, are those guys and girls
crazy/fun!)
A VERY big thanks to all the guys on the Usenet and Mailing Lists that
have put up with me for the past 10 months--not the ones that mailed me
death threats, however. Keep writing those porno Ranma fanfiction! @_@;;
(Chotto joudan desu, female readers.)
[SIGNATURE PREVIEW: STILL under development! Don't stop with those ideas!]
bakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabakabaka
Kevin Lew -- The Lai-Lai Boy (Mido Miko-chan's Boyfriend)
Ranma 1/2 Stupid Help Desk And E-Mail (Spam) Addresses:
ra1628@email.sps.mot.com (Special Acct.) kasumi@eden.com (Normal Acct.)
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Life is like a box of chocolates--and we just ate yours."
-- Natsume and Kurumi
The meaning of life, right there. Go figure.
(Sig developers: Xavier Hardy helped design the "baka" border. John D.
Evans helped with the next three lines. Current QOTD comes from Douglas
Larke. One fan (I forgot, gomen) suggested that I keep Lai-Lai Boy as my
nick, and since the other nicknames were mostly profane slurs from death
threats, I kept it. The ever-changing QOTD section was kept due to fan
approval.)
Return to Akane's Kitchen of Pain.
This page maintained by ulu@lec.med.utoronto.ca .