SUMO
It's more than two sweaty fatasses throwing themselves at each other.
These are pictures off of one of the most famous Sumo wrestler's, Konnishiki's, personal website.  This native Hawaiian (that's right- his girth was Made In America) was certainly the fattest thing to ever get in the ring.  Looking at the way loose flesh from his thighs hangs and shakes from his loincloth can nauseate even the greatest Sumo enthusiast.  He just retired in December, and spends a lot of time on Japanese talk shows, as well as with his lovely wife (who's a model and an absolute babe- it's anyone's guess as to why she hooked up with a guy so fat he can't wipe his own ass when he takes a dump, but rather the Sumo "stableboys" have to do it for him...) around Japan and Hawaii.

Actually, I'm rather fond of Sumo.  I have absolutely no idea why, either.  Except for full-contact martial arts (don't ask), I hate watching sports on TV.  I don't care about football, bastketball just seems to waste time watching, soccer is too big of an area to watch "up close", and watching baseball on TV, for me, is sentencing my brain to Terminal Boredom.

But I enjoy watching Sumo.  I really do.  The thing that I like most about it is that the opening ceremony lasts like 3 minutes, and the fight usually lasts about 10 seconds.  Now, I know what you Culturally Relativst Glossy-Eyed Americans are thinking out there- "He likes the culture, the bit of ancient Japan that shows itself in the pre-fight ceremony."  Nope.  I do marvel at the fact that the ceremony lasts around 700% longer than the fight that follows it, but I think that it's just candy for my irony-soaked heart.  The real pleasure of it comes when the two corpulent foes face off, staring each other down, giving each other the "you're going down" look of contempt.  Then, once, the match begins, the way they go from stopped and squatting to pouncing up like cats, charging at each other like runaway trains, and struggling until one falls or gets forced by pure Mass outside the ring.  To make a weak white-trash meataphor, I have found my Nitro-Burnin' Monster Trucks in the form of two massive, stubborn, moving piles of meat.

I really get into it at times, too.  When Takanohana enters the ring, I'm totally there, cheering him on (not that the number one of Japan needs my help to budge Akebono around the ring) and screaming for him.  I go "oooooooh" when the cable-like muscles on their backs and legs leap out of their fleshy outer hull when they are in the middle of a grapple.  When a match lasts longer than 15 seconds, I'm on the edge of my seat (sometimes they are incredibly short- the other day, one sumo leapt at the other from a low squatting position.  The other, instead of pushing back, shuffled about a quarter meter to the side and pushed the other guy down as he rushed past.  The first sumo hits the ground with his hand, thus losing the game... all in less than one second).  Oh, and the best part- there's hardly any commercials!

I don't constantly follow all the matches- I know the names and faces of most of the big players (no pun intended) in the Sumo world, I watch it if it happens to be on, but I don't know all their stats, or who will fight who next and where.

Anyway, I can't even begin to explain by myself the history or rules of sumo, so that's why I included a like to the following site, a site that CAN explain Sumo.  Check out the "links" section at the bottom of that pageto access other pages with pictures of the wrestlers and the matches.

A REAL Sumo Homepage- http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2080.html