Interview of the Saints

Everything you always wanted to know
on the Saints' sex life but never dared to ask!

By: Vivianne "Boadicea" Reber

French version

V. Hi Seiya, we have a few intimate questions to ask you.
S. Yeah.
V. Ready? Let's go! First of all, would you describe yourself for us?
S. Well, errrr, I dunno. I'm a cool guy, you know. The chicks are all mad about me and my dick. And even you can't resist me.
V. Ah, that's how you see things? Okaaaay... what do you like doing?
S. I'm not a difficult guy. I love sport. Bed Olympics, hahahaha! I also love watching X-rated films and going to the cabaret-disco-strip-tease-brothel.
V. (Cool...) And why do you like X-rated films?
S. Err... I dunno. Because it makes you horny, you can masturbate in front of it and have orgies with them!
V. Great... and what would be your ideal woman?
S. A chick with big tits and who doesn't think too much, one I can fuck when I want. A girl that if you seed her in a porn film, you'd like to screw her...
V. Riiiight... and does Miho correspond to this ideal?
S. Yeah. She's cool, Miho, she doesn't give a damn if I fuck other chicks sometimes every night, and she makes me great meals. And she has big tits and I can screw her easily. I'm not a difficult guy!
V. (That's sure...) do you consider sex...
S. What's sphex?
V. Orgies, fucking, Bed Olympics... do you think it's important?
S. You bet! I'm a great lover and I love it, finding new positions... you wanna try one out with me... the frog position?
V. Err, no thanks. Are you satisfied of the size of your virile member?
S. Of course I'm a member of the Virile Club!
V. No, no! I was asking if you're happy of your... prick?
S. Ah yeah! It's super big, you wanna see it, doll?
V. No, no thanks... last question (quick, before he opens his fly!) do you find yourself good-looking?
S. ‘Course I'm good-looking! Did you see my God's face? All the chicks are mad about me. C'mon, it's been long enough that you've been resisting your desire! Come on my lap for a biiiiig cuddle!

V. Hello, Shiryu. Would you please present yourself?
S. Well, I may tell you immediately that I am not an epicurean, even less a hedonist. I actually follow the teachings of Plato, Seneca or the Stoic Philosophers...
V. Wait a minute... could you say that again, in English?
S. Absolutely. I meant by this that the purpose of my life is not to seek pleasure. We have been endowed with a mission, that we must accomplish. The physical pleasures avert our attention from spiritual joy.
V. Why are you so interested in battles?
S. Fighting forms physical and intellectual faculties. Behold Julius Caesar or Alexander the Great. Renowned strategists, most admirable for their intelligence. Furthermore, physical training prepares us for possible assaults, physical or emotional.
V. Could you describe your ideal woman?
S. Well, even if social relationships are not as important as our mission, I may however tell you that women who could help me attain physical and spiritual perfection attract me.
V. Does Shunrei correspond to this?
S. Not quite. She has many qualities, she is an excellent housekeeper. But her intellectual abilities are rather restricted. Luckily, I accept this difference easily.
V. But why did you choose her, if she's so different from your ideal woman?
S. Well, statistically, I have a 1% chance to find my ideal woman. I consent to lower myself to have such a relationship, because Shunrei is, for example, an excellent sewer, cook and even nurse.
V. Useful to heal wounds.
S. Absolutely.
V. But do you consider sex as important?
S. Personally, I think that it's trivial. Of course, according to statistics, 90% of men need to let out their sexual pulsions at least once a month. That is not one of my needs. Sex is one of our lower instincts, that we may control perfectly. But of course, coupling leads to the survival of our species, so I suppose that it must exist.
V. And I suppose that pleasure has nothing to do with it.
S. Exactly, physical pleasure is not necessary, neither for the body nor for copulation.
V. (All riiiight...) Are you satisfied with the size of your virile member?
S. That is totally unimportant. Any phallus may father, whichever size it has.
V. Yes, but your partner would prefer a large one, rather than a small one.
S. Absolutely, for a rather strange reason, actually. Anatomically...
V. Would you just answer the question, please! (Otherwise, he would have started rambling on medicine!)
S. Well, I do have good gender attributes. But if I had smaller ones, it would be the same for me.
V. Last question (before my head explodes): do you think that you're good-looking?
S. I do not give much meaningfulness to physical aspect, it reveals nothing of the spiritual wealth. But according to contemporary aesthetics and youngsters' trend that seems to appreciate puerile men, I wouldn't be considered as ideal. But anyway, this has little significance because I hate trends.

V. Hello, Hyoga. Would you describe your personality for us?
H. My God! You want me to confess my sins?
V. No, no, I only want you to tell me who you are.
H. All right. Well, I'm very religious. It's Momma who taught me. But the problem is that God doesn't want me to do things.
V. What sort of things?
H. Shttt, you mustn't tell! OK, I'll tell you. Sex is forbidden.
V. Sex?
H. Good gracious, don't say that word!
V. So why aren't you allowed to have s... intimate relationships?
H. Well, Momma didn't want me to, and God didn't either. But luckily I can do it. Only, afterwards, you have to punish yourself for having sinned. What's good is that I can do anything I like during action, as I'm forgiven afterwards.
V. What do you mean by "anything"?
H. If I hit my wife during sex, I purify with my whip. If I penetrate any orifice, I punish myself with an electric testicle-punisher. And if I say insults to her, it's the electric chair (on low voltage, of course, suicide is a sin)!
V. And why are you so perverted and obsessed?
H. It's Satan's temptation. Luckily, God forgives me of having followed the Devil when I whip myself.
V. What would be your ideal woman?
H. A woman to whom I can do anything and who helps me purify afterwards.
V. Is Fleer like that?
H. Yes, she likes everything and whips me afterwards. And she's nice like my Momma and has big breasts.
V. Are you happy with the size of your virile member?
H. Wicked woman, I'm not allowed to speak of it, or I'll go to Hell!
V. Why are you so religious?
H. Because Momma was. And you have to pray God every day if you want to go to Heaven. So I go to church a lot.
V. Do you find yourself good-looking?
H. I dunno because I'm not allowed to look in a mirror. But you, are you a catholic?
V. No, I'm not a catholic. I haven't even been christened.
H. Oh, Lord Jesus! Witch, pagan, devil queen! You were sent by Hell to ask me sinful question! Oh my God forgive me!

V. Hi, Shun. Tell me what you are your likes and dislikes.
S. Errr... I don't like violence, I love teddy bears and cartoons like "Mickey Mouse". I also like my big brother, and my friends. I spend my time playing with my teddies and my...
V. Yeah, OK, I've understood, I don't need a description. And what would be your ideal woman?
S. Why a girl? Why not a boy?
V. Because you are a boy.
S. So what? You can do it with both, can't you? I prefer boys, and if you keep on bugging me, I'll tell my brother, so there!
V. But if you chose a girl, which one would be perfect?
S. One that looks like a boy and who's very strong. It's even better if she has a moustache.
V. (Yuk) And why did you choose June, she doesn't have a moustache?
S. She chose me. If I hadn't chosen her, she would have hit me with her whip. She always gives the orders. And if I'm not good, she takes away my favourite teddy.
V. Do you consider sex as important?
S. Yeah, it's funny. And you can do it with boys and girls! And even with teddy bears!
V. Sorry, but teddies don't have... err... they just can't do it.
S. Yes they can! Mine can! Look, I'll show you!
V. No thanks, I believe you, I believe you... of course, teddies don't usually have a built-in vibrator. Well, next question (before I puke), are you satisfied with the size of your virile member?
S. What's a virile?
V. A weener, a willy, a tinkler...
S. Waaaaaaaaaah, mine is tiny! Booooooohhhh!
V. No, no, don't cry... here, take a Jelly Tot (quick, before Big Brother comes to knock my head in because I made baby cry). Last question, do you think that you're handsome?
S. Well, my friends say that I look like Sailor Moon. She's pretty. So I guess I'm pretty too! Wheeee! Hurrrayyyyy!

V. Hello Ikki. Would you please describe yourself?
I. Can't you see it for yourself? I'm the most good-looking, the most seductive and the most sensual of the Saints in the Galaxy.
V. (And also the most modest...). I suppose that your relationships with women are rather... hot, then?
I. No woman has ever resisted me. They're all mad about my body, they adore me. Actually, it isn't disagreeable at all.
V. What would be your ideal woman?
I. She must like sex, be pretty but not vulgar, I hate vulgarity, and she shouldn't ask me anything else than physical pleasure.
V. Was Esmeralda like that?
I. She wasn't as... hot. But Esmeralda freed me from the horror of this world, I shall never forget her!
V. Why do you have so many mistresses, then?
I. Esmeralda's death can't stop me from looking for pleasure. But I'm not unfaithful to her, as I don't get attached.
V. So sex is important for you?
I. The pleasure of the senses is important, I like all the refinements of our sensations. But I hate X-rated films.
V. (You're going to fight with Seiya and Shiryu...) What do you think of the size of your virile member?
I. It's very important, it's the symbol of my manhood. Of course, no woman to this day has complained of my limitless sexual power.
V. (And of your limitless exaggeration) What do you think of your brother's sexual habits?
I. Shuddup you bitch! My brother does what he wants when he wants and you don't need to judge him! If you don't understand that, I'll explode your tart face!
V. OK, OK, forget it... Well, last question. Do you think that you're good-looking? Hey, stop looking at yourself in the mirror, while I'm talking to you! No, no please, don't kiss your reflection... Well, I think that I have the answer to that.

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