Bishounen Wars Fushigi Akugi #2: Insomnia...
[Scene: nighttime in Bishounen World]
Nyx: [sighs] Damn... had too much coffee.
Anaera: What, can't you sleep, either?
Susanne: [tiredly] Mind keeping it down over there?
Remy: Why? At least when we talk, we can't hear Celly and Dion as much...
Celly & Dion: Nani??
Roger: Never mind. Go back to bed... ah, or, I mean, just go to sleep.
Celly & Dion: Kay.
Orpheus: [mumbling in sleep] ... no... straight... girls... I like... girls...
[room is filled with a bright light]
Anaera: Sheesh, this fridge is empty... is there any milk and cookies?
Rapath: Milk's on the top shelf, next to the cabbage.
Mercy: Cookies are in the cabinet, top shelf.
P-kun: No, they're not. At least, they weren't there a few hours ago.
Susanne: Shut up, I swear it wasn't me! Shut up!
Celly: Well, we're trying to be as quiet as we can!
[whooshing sound, followed directly by a thud]
Nyx: Dammit, Seth, I told you to stay in your own bed!
Seth: But I'm cold!! And alone...
Remy: Well, so am I!
Seth: Mind if I join you, then?
Remy: Drop dead! Hentai!!! [another whoosh and thud]
Orpheus: [still asleep, mumbling] no... no more gay bars... no...
Anaera: At least he's not having a problem sleeping.
Orion: Well, what do you expect? He's still sloshed.
Roger: Poor kid can't hold his liquor...
Rapath: Does anyone find it strange that we're all sleeping in the same room?
Celly & Dion: No.
Kristsi: I find it a bit odd, actually...
Mercy: Who asked you? SETH, GET OUTTA MY BED!!! [whoosh and thud]
Remy: You'll get used to it, Kristsi. Even in the Bishounen world, producers are cheap. We're probably lucky we're not camping out in some really rustic setting...
Orpheus: [you guessed it, still mumbling] no... stop the lumberjack song... please...
Susanne: Dammit, Roger! What the hell is wrong with your own bed?
Roger: Too close to Celly and Dion.
Celly & Dion: Gomen!
Susanne: [tiredly] Watch it or you'll be singing soprano for the rest of your life!
Roger: Okay, okay...
[everyone falls silent. Orpheus can be heard occasionally, quietly mumbling. Even Celly and Dion are relatively quiet.]
Celly: Dion, you don't have three hands, do you?
Dion: Uh... kinky... but no. Why?
Celly: Then whose hand is... [shriek] SETH!!!
Dion: [yelling] What the hell!!! Get out of our bed, ya hentai...
[there is the sound of bedsprings squeaking, and a scuffle in the darkness. There is the unmistakable sound of something hitting flesh]
Seth: [yelps] Gomen! Gomen nasai! OOOOWWWW!!! Gomen. Gomen. Gomen... Owwww...!!!!
[Seth's yelping is suddenly cut off, replaced by mumbling. Rapath had finally jumped up and snaps on a light.]
Susanne: [blinking] Oh... my... god...
Anaera: [drops her bag of cookies] Whoa...
Celly: [she is huddled on her bed, rocking back and forth. Dion is hugging her] I feel so violated...
Roger: How the hell did you do all of that in the dark?
Remy: That's what I'd like to know.
[Seth is hanging from one of the overhead rafters. His mouth is gagged, his hands are tied behind his back, and he is blindfolded. He is also rapidly turning black and blue]
Nyx: Serves the little perv right. Turn out the light will ya? [she throws her blanket over her head]
P-kun: Are we just going to leave him there?
All the females in the room: YES!!!
Orpheus: [mumbling] ... no... don't leave me in the gay bar...
[It is silent for another minute.]
Roger: Off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo...
Rapath: Look, Sue, he's found a different song to sing.
Susanne: That's where you wanna go to get away from it all...
Nyx: Ooh, I remember this song... vaguely...
Mercy: I love this song! Beach Boys rule!
Dion: Ooh, the stuffy Brit is singing California music!
Celly: Sounds more like Florida music to me...
Remy: [joining in] Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama...
P-kun: Roger, you've created a monster.
Rapath: Key Largo, Montigo, baby why don't we go...
Roger: Ooh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo...
Celly & Dion: We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow...
[everyone stops singing]
Remy: Hey, don't look at me. You all know I can sing.
Susanne: Well, *I* was singing in key.
Celly: Yeah, yeah... you know I can't carry a tune in a handbasket!
Orion: We do now.
Roger: That's where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo...
Anaera: You know, I can't hear that song without thinking of the Muppets, remem-- SETH, HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET LOOSE???
[General havoc for a few minutes as the Guardians bravely try to protect their charges from the raving hentai. A door slams. Silence.]
P-kun: Ah, that's much better.
Kristsi: Well, at least he left me alone...
Roger: Don't say that too loudly. He might hear you and get ideas...
[pounding on the window]
Seth: [in a muffled voice] No! Let me back in! I'm cold! And alone!
Orpheus: [yup, asleep and mumbling] No... don't leave me alone with a drag queen...
Nyx: You know, you really need to cure his homophobia.
[Everyone settles back down. Orpheus mumbles quietly. The scratching at the window ceases. A light once more emanates from the kitchen.]
Susanne: Hey, Anaera, while you're in there, would you mind getting me some warm milk?
Anaera: Sure. No prob. [begins to rummage for a glass]
[suddenly, the door opens, and Zeke enters with an unconscious Seth slung over his shoulder]
Zeke: Hey, did someone leave this outside?
Minna-san: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!