Anaera: Wow... deja vu...

Mercy: Why are we back at the Mori?

Remy: I guess the writers are running low on ideas for these little interludes.

Kristsi: So do you think they'll stop soon so we can get on with the story?

Susanne: Not bloody likely.

Meredith: Suze, you've been hanging around Roger too long.

Roger: [sticks his head out of the kitchen] You say that like it's a bad thing.

Nyx: Yeah, given the circumstances, I'd say he's one of the better influences. SETH! Get back out where I can see you!

Anaera: You too, Euridyce!

[closet door opens, the two step out]

Seth: Sheesh... spoil all my fun, why don't ya...

Euridyce: Talk about sticks in the mud. I don't see anyone screaming for Celly or Dion to come out into the open.

Remy: It wouldn't make a difference.

P-kun: We could watch more tasteful things on the afternoon soaps.

Mercy: Can we?

Minna: NO!!!

Orion: [from the kitchen] Hey, does anyone know if the burner is supposed to be making this click-click noise?

Meredith: You know, I'm starting to reconsider the idea of having our Guardians make the dinner.

Kristsi: Hey... do you smell something burning?

Kell: [muffled voice form behind the closed kitchen door] Does anyone know where Celly keeps a fire extinguisher? Oh wait... never mind!

Nyx: Seth, if you so much as touch the handle of that closet door, you won't have time to regret it!

[Seth pulls his hand away from the doorknob]

Susanne: [standing in front of kitchen door] Do you guys need any help in there?

Orion, Kell, Zeke, and Roger: No!

Zeke: Thanks for offering!

[sound of a door opening at the other end of the hall. Celly walks into the room. conversation halts.]

Celly: What? [everyone shakes their heads and turns back to reading or watching TV] Fine, fine... [she turns to the kitchen]

Anaera: Ah, Celly, I wouldn't go in--

Celly: [scream]

Anaera: Too late.

Dion: [rushes in] Celly! What's wrong! Are you oka-- [catches sight of kitchen] Jesus H. Jehovah Christ!

Orion: Relax! We're gonna clean it up!

Roger: Or rather, P-kun, Seth, and Euridyce are.

P-kun: Hey! No one told us about that!

Kell: We're telling you now!

Dion: Is there actually anything edible resulting from this?

Zeke: Not so far, but we'll keep trying.

Roger: Yeah, you know... if at first you don't succeed...

Celly: My... kitchen...

Mercy: Relax, you always either get someone else to cook or order out, anyway. Bet you don't even know where the salt is.

Celly: Shut up! It's still my kitchen!

Kell: Whoa! There goes the pot roast!

Zeke: Well, it was a good idea while it lasted.

Kell: Should we give it a proper burial?

Euridyce: Anaera will eat anything.

Anaera: Hey! Not true! I don't like... and there's always... and, um...

Roger: We'll keep that in mind.

Dion: Is there anything left in here that you guys can try to prepare?

Kell: Um... very good question...

Remy: You know, I think I'll just try to ignore any smells and sounds coming from the kitchen for awhile.

Kristsi: That sounds like a good plan.

Susanne: You guys are sure you don't want help?

Roger: Go relax! We're fine! Ouch!

Kell: Sorry 'bout that.

Nyx: Celly, Dion, I suggest you have a seat and try to ignore them.

Celly: But... but...

Dion: [takes her hand] Relax, Ce-ko... Tell ya what. How about if I take you out to dinner? Sound good?

Celly: [weakly nods, heads off to get ready to go out]

[Otaku stare silently at Dion]

Dion: What? Heck, I'll bring something back for you guys, how does that sound?

[the Otaku smile at him]

Kristsi: Thank you for sparing us from a fate worse than death.

[everyone ignores the sound of an explosion coming from the kitchen]

Kell's voice: AAAaaahhhhhh!!! My eyebrows! My eyebrows!

[splashing noise]

Orion's voice: Sorry! I didn't know a microwave could explode like that...

Nyx: [shudders, then stares at Dion] Uh... why are you holding out your hand like that?

Dion: I said I'd bring you guys back something, I didn't say I'd pay for it all. You want food, fork over the cash.

Susanne: [grumbling as she goes through her pockets] Damned cheap bouncer...

Celly: [coming back into the room] Well, being a bouncer doesn't pay much and he gets nothing for being a Guardian.

Dion: Head of security! Head of security! I'm the HEAD of SECURITY!!!

Mercy: [coughs] Bouncer... bouncer...

Meredith: [searching pockets] No money... Sus, spot me a five?

Susanne: If I have that... [still going through pockets]

Celly: It doesn't matter anyway. We can't go out. It's raining cats and dogs out there.

Nyx: It is? [she goes to the window and draws back the curtain. Seth and Eurydice fall over from their hiding place behind the curtain]

Anaera: For the love of Zeus! Can't we leave you two alone for a minute?!

Meredith: Apparently not. They must like the attention.

[Nyx shoves Seth to a corner of the room. Anaera drags Eurydice to the opposite corner]

Kristsi: So what are we going to do about food?

[thick black smoke comes out from the cracks around the kitchen door. The door bursts open and the Guardians come out, coughing]

Kell: I knew barbequing indoors was a bad idea...

Roger: I wasn't the one who added all the lighter fluid!

Orion: Oh sure, blame it all on the guy with the matches...

Zeke: At least the counter didn't *completely* turn black.

[they stop arguing when they notice everyone is staring at them]

Remy: You were barbequing indoors? Am I the only one who sees the inherent stupidity of this?

P-kun: [comes in wearing a frilly pink apron and holding a rolling pin in one hand] Well, there goes my idea about baking a pie...

Celly: [her eye is twitching] You guys *did* know there was instant ramen in the cupboard, didn't you? You just have to boil water for that...

Roger: That's when the microwave exploded.

[Celly starts to twitch more]

Eurydice: Are you saying you guys saying that you managed to destroy all the food that was in the refrigerator and the pantry? There was enough to feed a small army...

Orion: [mutters] Or eight hungry girls...

[Mercy whacks him upside the head]

Susanne: Roger, what happened to those cooking skills you've bragged about?

Roger: [mumbles incoherently]

Dion: [laughing] You guys are pathetic! I bet you couldn't even make your own white sauce for angel hair pasta!

[surprised looks are thrown at him]

Kristsi: You mean *you* can cook?!?

Dion: You mean you didn't know?

Meredith: Why didn't you tell us in the first place?

Dion: [shrugs] You didn't ask.

Mercy: Well, what are we going to do about food? I'm hungry!

Anaera: So'm I!

Nyx: You're always hungry... But, you do have a point.

Celly: [picks up a phone and sighs] Fine. Fine. [pause] Hello? Dominos? Seven... no make that eight pepperoni pizzas. Yeah. The Otaku no Mori... Otaku no Mori. O-T-A-K-U N-O M-O-R-I.... Whaddya mean you never heard of it? Get a map!

Nyx: Gimme that... [grabs phone from Celly] Listen you, it's not like it's hard to find, there's nothing else near it... no, dammit, if we wanted to pick it up we'd have called a place that makes better pizzas! Well if you're not gonna even look for the Mori, then we will get someone else! Yes, fuck you, too. [hangs up]

Susanne: That was well said, but it doesn't help feed us.

Anaera: We could always try to salvage something from the kitchen. Euridyce! Back in your corner!

Kristsi: No! Not a chance! I'm not going into that kitchen!

Mercy: Oh, relax. [walks toward the kitchen] How bad could it-- [steps away from the door] God have mercy....

Susanne: [walks to the door] Oh come now, it's... oh god...

Nyx: Is it that bad? Lemme see...

Susanne: Don't. It's not the kitchen, it's the occupants.

[everyone looks around, sees who's *not* there]

Mercy: [head buried in hands] I had no idea you could use a tomato-based product like that...

Kristsi: I don't think I want to hear any more.

Remy: I agree... what happened to getting food, anyway?

Meredith: [sets phone down] Good news! Pizza Hut will deliver!

Anaera: Well, it could be worse... they know where this place is?

Meredith: The delivery person says he used to work here... Celly?

Celly: Um... oh, the bartender... After he watched Susanne and I fight, then watched Nyx shoot Susanne... well, he wanted a quieter job.

Kristsi: Oh, he found this job too stressful? Didn't want to be anywhere near you and your wild friends?

Celly: Blame it on Susanne.

Susanne: I'm not the one who lost my temper.

Roger: [clears throat] Ix-nay on the ighting-fay...

Mercy: Aren't we *supposed* to be fighting?

Anaera: Let's at least wait til we've paid for the pizza.

Kell: Hey! I just saw a car pull up!

[everyone rushes to the door]

Susanne: Here, put it on credit card...

Roger: Susanne! Stop using my credit card, already!

Meredith: Thanks for the pizzas, Rog.

Kristsi: Yeah, you're a lifesaver!

Susanne: See how grateful they are? You're a hero!

Roger: [incoherent mumbling]

Dion: Quick! Get the pizzas into the living room!

Anaera: I'm ten steps ahead of you! [starts eating]

Nyx: Quick! Everyone dig in! She'll eat it all!

Mercy: [mouth full] Hey! [swallow] Where's Seth and Euridyce?

[everyone stops chewing for a moment]

Kell: I don't wanna know...