I don't know what to do.

It's been a week and still, I feel uneasy. Now, I can separate what happened
to me in the shadows from reality. But god, it's so hard.

How do I deal with my death? I'm dying and so help me god, there's nothing I
can do to stop it. Everyone's expressions are all the same. Pity. I don't
want to be pitied, but there's nothing I can do to stop them. They see a
dying friend. A comrade in arms who is suffering. Maybe even something more
than that... But I can't blame them.

The others are there for me, but I don't want them to feel sad anymore. They
have to be strong, even after my death.

I just hope they won't be sad anymore.

But where does that leave me?

February 14, 2004

---------------------

Digital Diaries : Adventures 2003

Written by Shaun Garin

Archive owns RDD and WD, Toei owns Digimon and I'm taking them since they
don't want the characters anymore. This episode is dedicated to both Lord
Archive, who has helped me every step along the way while writing this, and
Ellen Brand, who was more than gracious to loan me things from her series,
and writing the "Jason's Dying" Arc of her Personality Conflicts series to
serve as inspiration for this episode. This episode is for you two.

------------------------

File 23 : Less Than A Whisper

Eric tried to pay attention to the class going on before him, but could
barely concentrate. Already, he was feeling the typical signs of fatigue, a
fatigue that did not come about by lack of sleep. A million thoughts whirled
in his mind. 'I wonder what's to become of the team? Will I be replaced? Can
they go on without me?'

Eric closed his eyes. 'God, I don't want to die. Please, anyone. Hear me. I
don't want to die.'

"Mr. Stewart, are you paying attention?" The young subsitute teacher
snapped.

Eric looked up, barely mustering enough energy to feebly nod. The teacher
looked worried. "You don't look so good. Can someone take you to the
infirmary?"

Jullie raised her hand. "I will."

Eric got up, and to the class' surprise, removed a telescoping cane from his
pocket. With a flick of his wrist, it extended as he leaned on it. At first,
they thought it was a trick, but the effort he put into moving became
apparent. Stu quickly raised his hand. "I'll help him, teach."

"Go ahead," the teacher said.

--------------------

"Thanks," he said as Stu and Jullie helped him into the infirmary. "This
means a lot."

"What's wrong with you, bro?" Stu asked. "Something the matter?"

"Yeah. I'm dying."

Stu roared in laughter, but abruptly stopped as Eric eased himself into the
chair, an expression of seriousness on his face. "Oh my god," he whispered,
sinking into a nearby chair. "It's true."

"Eric, can you tell us what happened?" Jullie said.

So, Eric related everything there was to know, about the Digimon, his fight
with Ice Devimon reborn, and even his psychological battle with Nyghtmayr.
The pair listened, and by the boy was done, Jullie was in tears, her arms
wrapped around the boy.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "If I hadn't let him take control of me, I
wouldn't have."

"Shh," Eric whispered. "It's okay. You didn't know it would happen. You're
alive, and that's all what matters."

"But because of me, you're dying," Jullie sobbed.

Eric clasped one of her hands in his own. "It's not confirmed, so please,
try to keep happy thoughts. Okay?"

"So. what now?" Stu asked quietly as Jullie cried on Eric's shoulder.

"What now is correct," Eric said, fiddling with the cane leaning on his leg.
"I can barely walk, stand, or even play games. Somehow, my condition
worsened after Nyghtmayr."

Stu sighed as he stood up. Rocking on the balls of his feet, he punched out,
venting his frustrations into open space as he shadow boxed. His quick
exhalation of breath reminded Eric of his condition of health a few months
ago. Stu then began to pace after punching into open space. "God, how can we
be so helpless?" Stu growled as he punched into the air.

"What can we do?" Jullie asked as she let Eric lean on her shoulder.

"I'll tell you what. Don't let Eric go out in a whisper," Stu said angrily,
punching the wall, creating a small divot. "Damn it, we're all friends here.
I." His voice broke. "I won't let him die. Not like this."

The door to the infirmary opened up as Lee looked in. "Eric, you coming?"

"Where?" Eric asked.

"Sean had another dream. We're headed to Puerto Rico." Lee answered.
"Raine's already on her way."

"I'll be right there. Need to pick up Lopmon." Eric replied, standing up.

"Hold on there," Stu said, grasping Eric's arm. "We'll help you along."

"And we won't take no for answer," Jullie added with a smile, grabbing
Eric's arm.

"Thanks," Eric said with a greatful smile.

----------------------

"Puerto Rico." Carter announced in the living room of Hikaru's house, their
main gathering area. The TV blared in the background as Renamon and
Penguinmon hadn't stopped their game to listen to the briefing. "Pretty
close to the Bermuda Triangle, the team stationed there has fliers and
aquatic digimon. Expect a nasty fight in or around the water."

"Current enemies?" Raine asked, adjusting the dozens of braids that hung
from her head, moving the hair that fell over her left eye. She scowled as
the lock of hair fell over her face and wondered why Yami wanted to put her
hair up in the odd style.

"Currently, there has been reports of a Marine Devimon harrassing the area
of the digital world Puerto Rico is in. The team is composed of four, two
guys and two girls with one perfection, two adult and one child." Carter
stole a glance at his notes. "That's about it for the evolutions they have
achieved."

"One child?" Lee asked, arching an eyebrow. "Isn't that statistically
improbable? I mean, almost everyone has hit adult, and in some rare cases,
perfection or ultimate. I can understand two adult, and the perfection, but
a child only?"

"Not this guy," Carter said, shaking his head. "It's a mystery to wonder why
he wasn't killed yet with just a child as his digimon. But in any case, we
should get ready. The team will be myself, Sean, Hikaru, Raine and Lee.
Eric, stay behind and man the portal."

Eric scowled. "You just don't want a handicapped person out there."

"That's not true," Hikaru protested. "We just don't know what's out there.
We should have at least someone keeping a portal open over here. Besides,
there hasn't been a digital field for a few weeks now. You'll be fine."

Eric snorted as he folded his arms. "I'll go along with this, but it doesn't
mean I have to like it."

"Everything settled then?" Sean asked, flipping his D-3 in his hand. "All
right people, lets go. Digi-port Open!"

-------------------

The road was relatively quiet for the residental area of Edmonton.

Then, quite abruptly, a manhole began to shake and rattle, mist hissing
through the cracks in the heavy lid.

-------------------

Stu snatched up the beeping Digi-locator as he activated it with a push of a
button. "Hey, this thing is going off."

Eric cursed under his breath as Lopmon put down his controller. Taking the
locator from Stu, he tracked the progress. "It's close. Very close..."

"Um, Eric? Was it foggy outside when we got here?" Jullie asked, pointing
out the balcony window at the dense cloud of fog.

"Damn!" Eric quickly made his way to the balcony window and slid the heavy
glass door aside. Looking over the digital field, he cursed as he spun
towards Jullie and Stu. "Start evacuating the place!" he ordered. "Go door
to door! We can't risk any casualties if the digimon breaks loose of the
field!"

The pair rushed to the door, Jullie stopping to turn to Eric who was pulling
off his communicator. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine. Catch!" Jullie neatly caught the red banded watch. "Call Gina
by pressing the big button! Lopmon and I will hold them off! Lopmon, lets
go!"

-------------------

Eric raised his goggles onto his forehead as he looked around. "Can you see
anything?" he asked his partner.

"There's something in here," Lopmon answered, fur standing on end.
"Something very evil."

"Hell Fire!" The mists quickly parted way to allow a huge ball of flames
lance down from a starry void. The pair dodged the tremendous ball of flame
as the mists parted to reveal two digimon.

The first was very familiar, it's three heads grinning sinisterly, dark red
eyes glowing with malice. The second was a stotic warrior, bull like in
nature with four feet and two arms, much like a centuar. It carried two
swords at it's side and was dressed in red armor. The first one, the
Cerberumon grinned. "Hmm... they dodged it. A pity. I was hoping to finish
them off quickly."

"Save it," the Vajiramon rumbled. "We have plenty of time to fight, now that
the other defenders are gone from this place."

Eric shakily got to his feet, leaning heavily on his cane. "Who are you
two?"

"I am Cerberumon, as you may have guessed." The black dog answered. "And
this is my partner in crime, Vajiramon."

"And hazarding a guess, you two are both perfection," Lopmon said, standing
between Eric and the pair of digimon.

"That's right," Vajiramon said with a nod as the mists finally parted. "But
enough talk. Prepare yourself to die!"

"Not on my watch! Lopmon evolve!" The bunny digimon quickly changed shape in
a whirlwind of energy, resolving into the two and a half meter tall
Wendigomon. "Wendigomon! Club Arm!"

Vajiramon knocked Wendigomon's arm away, smirking. "Is that the best you can
do?"

"Destroyed Voice!" The weapon pods revealed itself as the road where they
had previously stood became peppered with holes.

Cerberumon had launched himself up into the air as he howled in the air.
"Hell Fire!" The ball of flames coalessed before him as he knocked it down
at Wendigomon who dodged neatly.

Vajiramon then came in, swinging his sword, only to be met by a similar
blade, the digital runes glowing. Eric scowled at him as he held his cane,
the other hand holding the sword defensively before him. It glowed, it's
prismatic hues lighting up Vajiramon's face. "Hmm, you wish to fight,
cripple?" Vajiramon rumbled in laughter. "Fine!"

"Shut up and fight," Eric growled as he swung the blade at Vajiramon who
parried and responded in kind.

------------------

The jeep screeched to a halt as Gina and Chibimon leapt out. People ran by
as Stu and Jullie herded them away from the battle zone. The clear sound of
glass and other materials breaking were clearly heard. "Got here as fast as
we could," Gina said, one hand on the Fire Sword she had picked up a few
months ago. "What's going on?"

"Eric is in that fog, fighting something," Stu said. "We didn't get a look
at it."

"He should be fine then," Gina said, relaxing. "Unless he and Lopmon are
outnumbered..."

With a yell, Eric came flying backwards out of the mists. Stu immediately
intercepted Eric as the pair went tumbling to the ground. "Thanks," Eric
grunted as Wendigomon quickly followed his flight path, crashing to a halt
at the pair's feet. "Geez, Wendigomon, you okay?" Eric asked, getting up
with a wince.

"Yeah," he replied, sitting up, rubbing his face. "These guys are nasty." He
cast a worried glance at his partner. "Will you be okay?"

"Ribs hurt like hell from that punch, but I'll live," Eric answered as he
got up. "We're safe out here, for now."

"Um, Eric? Bad Guys, Twelve O'Clock," Stu said, drawing their attention to
the pair who had easily emerged from the field with no trouble at all.

"This is not good," Eric said, standing up straight, albeit wobbily. His
hands gripped the sword and the runes continued to glow.

Vajiramon snorted. "Is this all we have to face off against? Surrender and
we will spare you."

"Aw hell, lets just frag them anyways." Cerberumon grinned evilly. "Hell
Fire!"

"DOWN!" Throwing themselves in different directions, Gina's jeep exploded in
a pillar of flames as the huge ball of flame impacted, spraying broken parts
everywhere.

As the conflageration continued to burn, Gina stood in shock as Stu got up
and shook his head. "If this were a movie, that would be incredibly cool."

"Okay, now this is personal." The blonde spun towards the pair who regarded
her curiously. One hand tightened around the flaming broadsword as she
charged forwards with a battle cry. Eric quickly joined her along with
Wendigomon and Chibimon.

As the pair of humans took on Vajiramon, the bull digimon easily parrying
their strikes, the pair of digimon faced off the devil dog. Wendigomon leapt
high into the air as Chibimon unleashed his attack with a cry of, "Pop
Attack!"

The numerous soap like bubbles popped harmlessly against Cerberumon's face.
"What, that's it?" he rumbled in amusement.

Chibimon grinned as a shadow decended from the skies. Cerberumon looked up
and his eyes bugged out as Wendigomon crashed down onto his back, grabbing
all three heads in a choke hold. Wendigomon was thrown about as Cerberumon
bucked blindly, Wendigomon holding on with a death grip.

Vajiramon parried a strike from Gina's sword, the flaming blade causing him
to flinch. A low thrust from Eric was then blocked by his other sword. The
pair of humans, one with stamina quickly dwindling and the other, beginning
to feel a strain on his body, began to slow down.

Vajiramon grinned as he parried the strikes, knocking Gina backwards with a
powerful backhand to her chest. She stumbled away, coughing violently,
rubbing her breasts to allieve the serious pain coursing through them. The
digimon turned towards Eric and casually blocked a strike. "You are still
willing to fight? With your strikes becoming more feeble with each attack?"

"What are you here for?" Eric asked, gritting his teeth as he was shoved
away. "You're not here by accident."

"Quite right, dear boy." Vajiramon backed off as he held both swords lazily.
"We were sent here... to kill the Digi-destined of this city."

Eric felt his blood run cold. "What?"

"It's true," Cerberumon growled. Wendigomon had been thrown into a nearby
home, the whole front door in splinters underneath his prone form. One
massive paw was keeping Chibimon pinned down, the blue lizard wincing from
his entrapment. "Of course, we never expected there to be just one. I do not
see the mark of a Digi-destined on the girl." Cerberumon then kicked
Chibimon away as he advanced on Eric. "So that means you die first."

Eric braced himself as Cerberumon suddenly rocketed forwards, headbutting
him a good twenty feet away. He hit the ground, rolling to a stop a few
scant feet away from the still burning jeep. Three heads bared their teeth
as the digimon walked over, and pressed a huge paw onto his chest and
applied pressure.

Eric screamed in pain as his abused ribs recieved jolt after jolt of agony.

"Cerberumon, do not prolong his death," came a hissing voice as a huge white
cobra slithered out of the digital field, towering a good twenty feet over
the pair of digimon. "Our orders were to kill them quickly."

"They cannot do anything," Cerberumon sneered, looking at Jullie who was
pale, Stu supporting her, his teeth grit in anger. Gina had been knocked
unconcious a moment ago by Vajiramon, and Chibimon could barely stand.
Wendigomon still lay prone in the shattered doorway, unconcious. "They are
weak."

With that, he applied pressure on Eric's head as Eric screamed shrilly.

"STOP IT!" Jullie raced forwards to tackle Cerberumon, but was struck by his
tail. She screamed as she went flying towards the side of a brick wall.

For Eric, time seemed to slow down through the agony coursing through his
body. One hand reached out, trying vainly to grasp her hand. "Jullie..." he
whispered, another wave of pain coursing through his body, darkness
flickering at the edges of his vision.

Suddenly, light flared around the girl as she slowed to a halt, scant inches
from the wall. Cerberumon winced from the light. Backing off, Eric rolled
away, coughing up blood.

As Stu helped the injured up, Jullie settled onto the ground. Looking up,
her eyes were angry and hard. "You are going to stop this at once."

"I don't know what kind of trick you pulled, child, but you die now!"
Cerberumon charged at her, teeth bared.

Jullie raised one of her arms calmly as she made a drawing motion. Suddenly,
an arrow shaped shaft of light appeared as she loosed it. Cerberumon barely
avoided it by adjusting his charge, only to crash through the glass of the
picture window.

"What the frick?" Stu gaped, supporting Eric on his shoulder.

"This ends here," Jullie warned.

"You are no mere human," Vajiramon said, stepping back.

"True." Her eyes gleamed. "I am something else." She stretched out her
hands, eyes hard as she intoned, "Jullie Cranston EVOLVE!"

A pillar of light lanced down from the heavens as a pair of angels wings
sprouted from her back. The girl rose up as the wings locked together, light
flaring out from the cracks in the wings. Then, they spread apart in a
torrent of pure white feathers as an angelic woman, dressed in tight white
spandex like material and a half helmet was revealed as the light receeded.
"Angewomon."

Stu checked Eric's Tricorder. "Angewomon, Vaccine Digimon. Perfection
level."

The angel digimon wasted no time as she raised her arm and summoned forth an
arrow. "Holy Arrow!"

The cobra digimon dodged as he spat forth a halberd from his mouth.
Angewomon ducked under the attack, one hand smashing into what passed for
his chin. The snake slithered backwards in pain. "Damn you. No one attacks
Santiramon!"

By now, Gina had regained conciousness and had picked up Chibimon. "We need
to wake Wendigomon up."

Eric nodded as Stu helped him over to his partners side. Eric knelt down as
he shook him. "Wendigomon, get up!"

"Five more minutes, Eric," Wendigomon muttered drowsily.

"Wake up! We're in the middle of battle!" Eric paused as he bent down and
whispered something into Wendigomon's ear.

"ANGEWOMON?! WHERE? WHERE?" Wendigomon exclaimed, on his feet immedately. He
grinned, drooling a bit. "Wow, what a babe."

"Quit perving out and HELP her!" Eric said, giving his partner a push.

"LIKE HELL I WON'T!" Wendigomon dived immedately into the fray, renewed with
new fighting spirit... or at least the chance to get a date with the sexy
new female digimon.

"Mind explaining that?" Stu asked as he, Chibimon, Eric and Gina watched,
amused.

"Lopmon has a weakness for pretty female digimon," Eric said with a grin.
"Especially angel type digimon."

"Should we tell him who that Angewomon really is?" Gina asked, massaging her
neck.

"Naw, lets surprise him," Chibimon replied with a grin.

"So, in the real world often?" Wendigomon asked, dodging a fireball, pausing
to pick up Cerberumon by the neck and spike him into the ground like an
oversized football.

Angewomon barely spared him a glance as she fired off a Holy Arrow.

"Aw c'mon, I'm normally cuter than this." Wendigomon backhanded Santiramon,
the digimon crashing to the ground. "Just one date?"

"I'd rather date Ice Devimon," she replied curtly, kicking Vajiramon in the
head.

"But he's so wrong for you." Wendigomon grinned, a teasing glint in his eye
as he played, "Put out the Cerberumon" by swinging him overhead, flipping
him like a flapjack repeatedly by his tail.

"I don't date bunnies," Angewomon replied tensely as she spin kicked
Vajiramon, following it up with a barrage of Holy Arrow that exploded around
his feet.

"I'm not a bunny, I'm a DOG!" Wendigomon bashed Santiramon on the head with
a two fisted overhead strike.

"Hate to break it to you, but you ARE a bunny." Angewomon smirked as she
weaved around Vajiramon's sword strikes. "You're in denial."

"I am NOT!" Wendigomon exclaimed, pausing long enough to get knocked into
the already broken homes, toppling many as he flew backwards through walls.

"Enough of this foolishness!" Vajiramon roared as he leapt at the angel
digimon, striking her in the stomach.
She had no time to react as dozens of punches rained down on her. With a
final blow, the once majestic angel was knocked to the ground, bruised,
battered and bleeding.

Cerberumon chuckled as he kicked her in the stomach. "Not so tough are you,
girl?"

"I could find a use for her," Santiramon said with a lecherous glint in his
eye.

"Like hell," Angewomon muttered, earning another kick that sent her crashing
into Hikaru's living room.

"Stop this!" Eric rushed forwards, only to stumble on the rubble. He fell to
the ground, coughing violently, breath coming in heaves. "Just leave her
alone."

Vajiramon snorted as he strode towards her, taking one of his lethally sharp
swords in hand. Grasping the sword in both hands, he stood over the fallen
digimon, eyed her, and raised it overhead. "Goodbye, pest," he growled, the
weapon scything down to her neck.

"Energetic Bombs!" A flurry of explosives knocked Vajiramon aside into the
nearby retaining wall as a small form picked up the fallen angel and pulled
her to the side. "Take care of her," he ordered.

Eric's tricorder flashed to life in Stu's hands. "Metal Mamemon, perfection
level."

Metal Mamemon floated upwards as he scowled darkly. "Time to get moving
boys."

"Foolish digimon," Santiramon hissed. "Do not stand in our way."

"I have been protecting this city for a year. It is my home. You will
leave!" Metal Mamemon flew upwards and let loose with a barrage of energy
bombs that exploded around them.

The fight proceeded in a chaotic dance, the enemy digimon attacking with
tails, fire, spears and swords, the smaller, more agile digimon firing his
attacks from above. Metal Mamemon flung energy blast after energy blast.

Then, he got careless.

Santiramon, having gotten behind him, raised up to his full height as the
smaller perfection turned and paled.

"Krishna!" The spear jammed itself into Metal Mamemon's eye as it screamed
painfully. Angewomon awoke at the tortured scream as her pupils dialated
underneath her helmet.

"I'm sorry," Metal Mamemon croaked as he deleted.

Angewomon let out an undying scream of pain as his data floated into the
air.

And in a blinding flash, Chibimon glowed with energy. "Chibimon evolve!
V-mon!"

V-mon's fist clenched as he charged the digimon like a golden streak, his
aura flaring around him. "V-mon Head!"

Santiramon was unprepared for the sheer ferocity of V-mon's attack. The
dragon digimon leapt up to his head and whipped around in a spin kick.
Santiramon roared in pain as he went careeming into the stone wall, and kept
going.

Cerberumon snapped at the agile digimon who was running under his legs.
"Stand still!"

"No. V-mon Head!" Cerberumon's breath expelled in an instant as he was sent
soaring up into the skies. V-mon quickly followed as he slammed him back
down, Cerberumon landing with a tremendous crash.

Vajiramon limped out of the wreakage he had previously occupied and growled
under his breath. "Damn it. Fall back!"

With pained expressions, the digimon either limped or slithered into the
field, the field vanishing in a quiet puff.

Eric looked at the devistation and remarked, "Hikaru is going to kill me."

Then, he collapsed.

----------------------

Eric opened one eye, and then another.

"I'm... not dead..." Groaning, he sat up, clutching his face as a lock of
blue hair fell over his eyes. 'Blue?' Looking in the mirror, he traced the
sharper, more angular face he now wore. Blue hair, dark crimson eyes... a
face he had seen once before.

The door opened as Jullie slippped into the room. "Hi," she said, crossing
the room to where he sat.

"Hi Jullie," he said. "Are you okay?"

Jullie nodded. "I remember passing out when getting hit, and Lopmon told me
that you caught me somehow."

At this, Eric started. "But, I..." 'She doesn't remember,' Eric realized as
Jullie sat down, smoothing her green dress out. "I'm glad you're safe."

Jullie nodded as she sniffed. "I'm glad you're safe too. I thought you would
die out there. And then, when you collapsed, I thought you were dying."

"That the reason for the new face?" Eric joked, touching a cheek with a
finger.

"Yeah. Yami told us to put the mask on your face." Jullie reached out,
grasping his hand in hers. "Don't scare me like that again. Okay?"

"Deal."

--------------------

It's true. I would have been officially dead if it wern't for the mask now
covering my face. We have one more mask. The mask of Love.

Somehow, after facing certian death in battle, dying peacefully doesn't seem
to be so... scary anymore. I want to pass on, but not young, but old and
grey. But I'll never get that chance.

Who knows when the power of the mask would fade away, leaving me dying at an
accelerated rate? Already, I can feel my body trying to cope with the power
and strength this mask is giving me. But is it enough? Will I survive and
grow strong? Or will I die?

What if I stumble? What if I fall? What if I loose my step and make a
fool... of myself?

What if?

No. This isn't how I should think.

My will is made, all things said and done.

I am Eric Stewart. I will face this, not with fear, but courage.

After all, death is only the beginning.

--------------------

Authors notes : Once again, I go all agonizing. Why me?

Eric is dying, people are being attacked, and Hikaru's house is in ruins.
Hmm.. sounds like either a really dramatic episode of Tamers or Medabots
with a healthy dash of action and drama tossed in.

What will happen to Eric? And will Hikaru get her house repaired? And will
Yami ever stop giving Raine a hard time? Stay tuned, same Digi time, same
Digi channel!

(Couldn't resist the Batman Joke. It was either that or Medabots)