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From utena@duellists.tj Mon Jun 7 18:54:35 1999 -0700 Status: R X-Status: X-Keywords: Return-Path: Received: from ikkoku.maison-otaku.net (mail@ikkoku.maison-otaku.net [208.8.218.217]) by ikkoku.maison-otaku.net (8.8.7/8.8.7) with ESMTP id SAA10139; Mon, 7 Jun 1999 18:38:57 -0700 Received: with LISTAR (v0.122a; list utena-ml); Mon, 07 Jun 1999 18:38:54 -0700 (PDT) Received: from dfw-ix12.ix.netcom.com (dfw-ix12.ix.netcom.com [206.214.98.12]) by ikkoku.maison-otaku.net (8.8.7/8.8.7) with ESMTP id SAA10131 for ; Mon, 7 Jun 1999 18:38:50 -0700 From: dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Received: (from smap@localhost) by dfw-ix12.ix.netcom.com (8.8.4/8.8.4) id VAA29596 for utena-ml@duellists.tj; Mon, 7 Jun 1999 21:30:19 -0500 (CDT) Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1999 21:30:19 -0500 (CDT) Received: from cha-il1-10.ix.netcom.com(205.184.9.42) by dfw-ix12.ix.netcom.com via smap (V1.3) id rma029565; Mon Jun 7 21:30:09 1999 To: utena-ml@duellists.tj Message-Id: <199967212819219169@ix.netcom.com> Subject: [utena] [spamfic] Scenes From An Elevator: Thirteen X-Mailer: Netcomplete v4.0, from NETCOM On-Line Communications, Inc. MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-archive-position: 660 X-listar-version: Listar v0.122a Sender: utena-ml-bounce@duellists.tj Errors-to: utena-ml-bounce@duellists.tj X-original-sender: dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Precedence: bulk Reply-to: Utena Mailing List List-help: List-unsubscribe: List-software: Listar version 0.122a List-name: Shoujo Kakumei Utena mailing list List-subscribe: List-owner: List-post: X-list: utena-ml Scenes From An Elevator: An Idiotic Utena Spamfic By: Dreiser EPISODE THIRTEEN: Is The Unluckiest Episode That You've Ever Known. SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the shadows of Kiryuu Touga and his girl groupies are seen inside. Touga has plugs in his ears and is absorbed with reading the articles in the latest issue of Anime Playboy. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. TOUGA: (Murmurs.) Interesting. (He puts down the magazine and looks to his girl groupies.) I've just discovered a very disturbing fact my lovelies. None of the women in this series have abnormally large breasts. We must do something to fix this error immediately! (Touga jumps to his feet and behind him there a scene of a huge tidal wave crashing up against the shore.) TOUGA: (Shouts heroically.) I swear on my honor that all of you will have oversized breasts! (The girl groupies sweatdrop and exchange wary looks as Touga continues ranting about their breasts.) SCENE: The Fencing Club. Arisugawa Juri has just entered the room to find her fencers sitting on the floor in a large group. The fencers are eating cheese doodles, drinking yoo-hoo, and avidly watching Xena on the TV. Juri pauses to stare at this horrific scene when it suddenly strikes her that all her fencers are hideously overweight. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. JURI: (Erupts.) What the hell happened to all of you?! (The fencers turn around to face Juri. Their mouths are full of cheese doodles which fly all over the place when they talk.) FENCERS: (Ecstatic. Spewing cheese doodles.) Juri-sama! JURI: (Shields herself from the cheese doodles.) Is this your idea of training?! Didn't you do anything while I was gone?! (The fencers exchange looks and form a huddle before they break apart to face Juri.) FENCER #3: (Eating cheese doodles.) We had to do something way more important than training. FENCER #189: (Nods emphatically.) Yeah! We only did what we thought you would want Juri-sama. And when we thought about it, we knew that you'd rather have us do this. FENCER #19: (Drinks yoo-hoo. Wails.) Please don't punish us for doing your will Juri-sama! We worship you! JURI: (Sighs deeply.) What was so important that you didn't train while I was gone and turned into big fat slobs? FENCERS: (Triumphantly.) We were taping Xena for you! (There is a long moment of echoing silence as Juri wears a huge sweatdrop on the side of her head.) JURI: (Twitches.) You were taping Xena for me? (The fencers cringe at her reaction and confer for a moment.) FENCER #34: (Waddles forward.) Uh... was that wrong Juri-sama? We thought that you'd want to see the episodes you missed. There was a lot of lesbian subtext in them. JURI: (Looks up with icy eyes.) You taped Xena? FENCER #34: (Gulps.) Yeah... JURI: (Erupts.) What about Star Trek: Voyager or Buffy: The Vampire Slayer?! They have lesbian subtext in them too! Something good could've happened with Janeway and Seven or even Buffy and Faith! FENCERS: (Cowering.) Gomen nasai, Juri-sama! JURI: (Scowls.) Some followers you are... you don't even know your leader's three favorite shows. FENCER #100: (Pipes up.) But we downloaded many illicit pictures of Seven of Nine for you, Sempai! JURI: (Blinks.) You did? (The fencers all nod rapidly and Juri beams widely.) JURI: (Smiles.) Maybe you're not such bad followers after all. FENCERS: (Ecstatic.) Arigato, Juri-sama! SCENE: A random field of flowers at Ohtori Academy. Tenjou Utena is skipping past it still wearing her hideously frilly dress. She pauses to stare at the figure of Kiryuu Nanami who sits in the field of flowers surrounded by a large group of animals. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background. UTENA: (Stares at Nanami.) What's up with her? (Nanami elegantly rises to her feet and we see she is wearing a yellow dress more hideously frilly than Utena's. Her hair is tied back in two pigtails and as she stands birds land on her hands. She is flanked by several bunny rabbits, dear, and various other kawaii animals. Chu Chu sits on her shoulder eating Utena's History book.) NANAMI: (Unbelievably kawaii.) How I love nature and everything that composes it. I love every living thing and I just want to give everyone a great big hug! CHU CHU: (Eating Utena's History book.) Chu! NANAMI: (Gives a kawaii smile.) You are so right, Chu Chu! This is a good day to be alive! UTENA: (Watches from a distance. Frowns.) She's acting more kawaii than me. How is that possible? NANAMI: (Continues in her kawaii-ness.) When I grow up I want to be a pediatrician and help little children! (She looks up at the sun.) Oh, how I love the sunlight! It just makes me want to sing! (She clears her throat.) The hills are alive with the sound of music---! (Upon hearing the beginning of this song Utena screams in terror. As Nanami turns to look at her, Utena runs off into the distance so quickly that her hideously frilly dress gets torn. Nanami watches this for a moment before she breaks out into an ultra kawaii maidenly giggle.) NANAMI: (Giggles maidenly.) The Shadowy Figure's evil plan has succeeded! Now I am the most kawaii one of all! (As Nanami continues to giggle maidenly the scene fades to black.) To be continued... All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Can the fencers ever lose all that weight?! Does Juri really watch Xena?! And is Nanami really the most kawaii one of all?! Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at: http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to: http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html -- To unsubscribe from this mailing list, please send e-mail to listar@duellists.tj with subject: unsubscribe utena-ml