Utena-kun wanders. That's what he's been doing for a day or so now.. he found his way north of the sanctuary, into the desertscape between Darra and the city of Nisan... not wanting to go near Darra as -she- is usually there... Chuchu has ridden your shoulder, or perched on your head or even walked beside you.. cheerful at first, keeping your spirits up.. but the aimlessness of the wandering is getting to him. You haven't heard a Chu out of him in hours. Utena-kun sighs and finally stops moving, right where he is, brushing his sleeve along his brow... "We're getting nowhere." he says in a flat tone. "This is getting nowhere." The temptation of that little pill in his pocket, as it's been doing for the last several hours, rises up and looms in his mind.. quick, easy... he would have thought quick and easy wasn't his way.. but he's not anything, is he? that was HER way... to not be that way. Chuchu squats, all chued out. ()-.-() "Chuuu." He agrees with you; progress is nil. He twitches his ears, trying to think. The desertscape is a good place for thinking, as there's... not much here. There is a small oasis in the distance, with a single camel-riding occupant at the moment, but that's it. Utena-kun finally pops open the buttons of his jacket, and lets it fall away from his arm and shoulders... shedding that one outer layer... it's become too stifling, too difficult to breathe through in this heat.. it feels a little better without it... Chuchu fans himself with his tail. ()-.-();;; "Chuuu.." He gets up, and points to the oasis. You guys really COULD use some water. Utena-kun nods slowly, and reaches down to scoop Chu up in his hands... "... All right." He starts moving over the sand, leaving the jacket where it fell... bare chested now, the sun falls on him relentlessly... but it's not as stifling now... as he strides in long steps toward the oasis. The desert nomad looks up. Quirks an eyebrow. "You seem troubled, young one," he says, currently filling his waterskins. "Not to mention inappropriately equipped for this place." Chuchu waddles over and splashes some water in his face, and shakes out his ears. Utena-kun grins faintly, gazing over the nomad with a tired expression... dry inside, like the sand.. he cups a hand easily through the water and applies it to his forehead with a sigh... but that slight touch of water makes his whole body yearn to be bathed, to be cool and swimming and enveloped.. The nomad ties off his waterskins. "It will be dark soon. You may actually freeze to death, if you are so unprepared. If the kindred of the sands do not have you." Utena-kun says slowly, softly, "... kindred of the sands..?" The nomad slings his waterbags over. "Creatures of the night. They are sparse here, but find it easy living. Nomads, after all, commonly do not return home." He grins. "You should do what I did. Negotiate for safe passage." Utena-kun frowns now, dipping his hand into the water and brushing another bit of water over his face, the back of his neck... looking back to you with a sheen on his cheeks.. "Negotiate HOW?" The nomad grins. "Ah, but such secrets come at price. For I am the only one in these sands of clever wit enough to know who to contact. Such rare information comes at price.." he extends a hand. Chuchu perks an ear, curious now. Utena-kun pats his empty pockets. "... I.. don't have any money." Utena-kun spreads his hands in the usual gesture denoting utter poverty.. The nomad hmmms. "To come to the sands with nothing to trade is worse than to come with no equipment. One could trade for that. I suppose the performing animal is out of the question?" Chuchu ()o.o()?? Utena-kun nods! Eyes flashing a moment. "Completely out of the question." The nomad considers the situation. Sizes you up. "You clearly are out of your element. I will strike a deal. I will teach you my secret art, only if you leave this desert. I would not want my competition to learn it, but I suppose it cannot harm to give it to a city-dweller to allow them a route home. Fair?" Utena-kun glances at Chuchu a moment... shall we accept? He leans over to put the little mouse back on his shoulder... straightening up unconsciously. "It's a deal." Chuchu shrugs. ()n.n(); Creatures of the night and kindred don't sound good to him. The nomad smiles. "The gods will smile on me for this generous act, and I will trade well in the days ahead, I would imagine. Sit sit, young boy. I will explain how to find the one who can deal with the vampires." Utena-kun sits down, folding his legs up indianstyle, gracefully if tiredly... watching the nomad with dark blue eyes. The nomad offers you a sip from his waterskin. Perhaps some friendship gesture? "The kindred listen to few, given how good their pickings are in these wastelands. But they will listen to the Advocate, and I know the spell that will bring you to him. He can aid in many problems." Utena-kun reaches out and takes a sip from the skin, thirsty... then wipes his lips and hands it back to you... "Thank you... the Advocate..?" he listens intently. The nomad takes it back, and sips as well. "..the Advocate. Yes. He is skilled in negotiations with the black powers and spirits that haunt the wastelands. The rite of counsul is known to my family, so we have prospered. It is a simple method." He traces a finger in the sand.. a rough outline of a wolf's head. "Do this, in the sands. But do it with a finger running with blood. Then, there is only a simple chant thrice, and the matter is done." Chuchu fidgets. He's not so sure about this anymore. ()o.o(); Utena-kun has no immediate or obvious reaction, keeping his expression a careful blank.. nodding, absorbing. The nomad lowers his voice.. in case that camel is a spy, or something. "The chant is 'Carpe de jura gangrel'. Three times, after the figure. He can aid in your flight from these sands. Do you understand?" Utena-kun nods, nods. "I understand..." Fixing the strange words in his mind... it's a simple enough ritual to perform... "I won't let anyone know." Glancing with a turn of his head to Chu on his shoulder... Chuchu is spooked. ()o.o();;;; "Chuuu.." warning. The nomad grins. "His fee may be steep, but it is a bargain considering the chances one of the bats will make away with you tonight." He rises, and slings his waterskins over the camel. Utena-kun grins dry and nods. Thinking to himself that they wouldn't have much of a meal from a shadow like him... before shaking his head faintly at the grimness of his thoughts... standing to wave a careful farewell to the nomad and his camel... lost in silent thought for a moment. Carpe de jura gangrel.... The nomad mounts up, and nods once to you. "Be well, boy. The kindred seem uneasy in the recent months. They may even come knocking on your door, if they spread far enough. YAH!" He boots his camel, and off they go. Chuchu is visibly uncomfortable. "Um.. chu." Utena-kun uhms. "... Well... Chu, we might as well try it. We have nothing to lose, right?" Chuchu looks around. ()c.c() "...that guy may have been a loon. Check with me on this; he was talking about VAMPIRES? Flapping bats with capes and bad Hungarian accents?" Utena-kun smiles thinly. "This from a talking mouse." Utena-kun says, "And actually... I've met a vampire. It's not a story." Chuchu ois. ()o.o() "I'll have you know I'm a reborn magical creature, thank you, not some spooky story.. eh? What?" Utena-kun shrugs faintly. "Before we were split up, a vampire attacked the other me at the sanctuary.. threw her through the second story bathroom wall. They're definitely real." Chuchu ums. "O.. kay. So." And then he looks around... and realizes that with all this sand, it'd be REALLY EASY for a vampire to hide by day just by burying himself... so he could pop up right under you at night-- he hops back onto your head. ()@.@() "What're you waiting for?!" Utena-kun laughs quietly, the first laugh in several hours.. "All right... but I don't have a knife... how sharp are your teeth?" Chuchu blinks. "I can't BITE you." ()o.o() Utena-kun blinks. "Why not? C'mon, I can't bite myself... " Chuchu exclaims, "Can too!" Utena-kun says, "I don't have sharp teeth." Chuchu ()-.-() and grabs a nearby rock. "Here, this is sharp enough." Utena-kun nods... "Okay..." Takes the rock from you and holds out his left hand... slashing a small cut into one finger with the sharp edge of the battered stone... drops of blood welling out of his skin; he's vaguely relieved to see actual blood there... then he kneels, and traces the wolf's design in the sand... reciting the chant three times once the pattern of blood and sand is finished. Nothing seems to happen. Your finger aches, but that's it. Then, during one of your naturally occuring blinks.. EVERYTHING changes. You stand outside a huge gothic cathedral, at the dead of night.. where in the world ARE you? The gates are foreboding, and locked solid.. Chuchu eees! and scurries into your hair. Utena-kun whispers softly to himself, "The advocate." And glances up with his eyes... "It's okay, Chu." Calm.... he looks at the gate, slowly reaching a hand forward.. Lightning flashes, for a moment.. illuminating a sign, reading CLIENTS PLEASE USE REAR ENTRANCE. Very ominous. Utena-kun raises a brow.. rear entrance...? Oooookay. He sucks on his sore, throbbing finger a moment, then exhales and looks for the path leading around the back of the cathedral... The path is clear, now that you know to look for it.. around the stone wall that surrounds the cathedral, past a graveyard.. and to the immense back wall of the cathedral.. and to a fairly ordinary looking door, with a potted plant and a welcome mat. A doorbell pull rope is present, and a small, beaten sign that was probably here for hundreds of years, reading 'LEGAL COUNSUL', and 'Enquire Within' Utena-kun reaches out for the doorbell rope after taking a moment to try and get his composure... where IS this place...? Where are we? He fidgets nervously, now wishing he HADN'T left his jacket in the sands... DONNGGGG.. The main church bell rings when you pull the rope, a dark tone. The door swings open. Not with a creak, and not too slow, it just opens like someone had opened it; except, of course, nobody did. Inside is a waiting room, and a receptionist's desk.. with no receptionist. Utena-kun leans with a hand against the doorframe and peers inside... seeing noone, he swallows. ".. I guess we go on in." he says to Chu who's hiding at the back of his neck.. o.O and steps through... looking around nervously. There is a small sign at the desk, however. 'Please enter subchamber and donate one day as a nonrefundable deposit for services rendered." The 'subchamber' being a room beyond this, down some stairs.. a darker, more ominous one. A crypt. Utena-kun shudders again... but follows the directions of the signs.... before a pause. "Chu... maybe you'd better not come down there with me..." Chuchu waves to you from the couch, already reading a magazine and waiting for your return. ()n.n(0 Utena-kun ehehs. n.n "Right..." Sweatbeads and turns to descend into the crypt... moving cautiously, but... what's left to lose? It's about what you'd expect, unlike the antechamber. Stonework, bad lighting.. plenty of melted but lit candles. And in the center, a coffin, with a wolf's head embossed on the cover.. and a small altar next to it, with an upturned needle prick.. about right for a finger. DONATIONS WELCOME, it reads. Utena-kun swallows. this isn't real, is it? He looks around the decor, uncertain whether to believe in this or not.. but the dull gleam of the needle draws his eyes and he sighs... reaching out the already pricked finger and letting a few drops of blood touch the needle's point.. The altar glows, briefly.. and the glow shifts, along some connection on the floor, and into the coffin. The lid opens.... A fairly ordinary looking man in his late fourties sits up, and stretches. He's wearing a business style suit, with a wolf's head medallion over his tie. Hasn't noticed you yet. Utena-kun draws back, eyes shivering... before gathering his courage, and coughing softly to get the vampire's attention.. The Advocate looks over. "Hello." He swings out of the coffin, and stands on his own legs, extending a hand to shake. "Thanks for choosing to solicit my services. Your deposit is appreciated." Utena-kun reaches out his hand.. the right, undamaged one. "... Thank you for seeing me." Okay, this is weird.. but no weirder than talking to Death... The Advocate nods once. "Well, let's begin. Follow me." He walks across the crypt, just as casual as can be, and opens a hidden door.. to a pretty nicely decorated office. Cozy. Comfy. "Make yourself at home. Coffee?" Utena-kun shakes his head. "... No, thank you.." He sits on a chair across from the desk, leaning forward, resting his hands on his lap, over his knees... The Advocate sits behind the desk, and folds his hands in front of him. "Now. What can I do for you, exactly?" He hmms. "You seem uneasy. This is your first visit, but surely you know about the rites and processes?" Utena-kun shakes his head, pink bangs sliding back... "... No. I don't.. I was told how to get here. But nothing else. I was told the advocate could help me." The Advocate hmms. "So you were referred by a past client of mine, then. That's good. I'll have to give him a discount next time he needs my services." He leands back a bit in his chair, and toys with a pencil. "Well, then. My name is Jonatan Cochina of the clan Gangrel, but I prefer to go by the Advocate. To be up front, I'm one of the kindred -- known nowadays as vampires, but I chose to work in legitimate circles, and value professionalism above all. So please, don't be unsettled. If I don't take your case, you'll leave this pocket of reality just as you entered. Okay?" Utena-kun nods quietly, willing to accept the term, a faint nervous flicker of muscle in his jaw. "I accept that." The Advocate leans forward again. "So. What exactly is your situation?" Utena-kun steeples his fingers together. "I'm.. not real." It's painful to say it, but that's the only truth. "I'm a fragment of a greater person, created to take care of a problem for her.. but the thing I was made to do... I can't do that thing. I can't be that person that I was made to be. The Advocate listens. He opens a desk draw, and takes out a small glass sphere.. looking at you through it. "..I see. Yes, I can see the problem of soul timesharing and completion. It's more common than you'd think. I once negotiated a truce between two entire species.. one of which was the dark emotional byproducts the other tried to cast off." Utena-kun blinks slowly. Thinking of the Mazoku and humans with that.. but he shrugs it off... and nods again. "Is there help for me? If she doesn't love me, and won't love me... won't love anything but -her-... is there any point to me even existing?" The Advocate fiddles with his pencil again. "That I can't aid in. I'm a legal assistant, not a philosopher. But I'm of the mindset that life is too precious to allow to stop." He nods once to himself. "Which is why I run this existence. When my life was running out, I joined the undead. When my undeath ended, I negotiated for a borrowed time plan. It's worked out fairly well so far. A bit of a dry spell, but if I'm being referred by other clients, perhaps that will fade." Utena-kun passes a hand over his face. "What happens now...? What can I do?" The Advocate hmmms. "Let me make sure I understand this situation. You were divided off from another person, but not into a whole form, to deal with a problem. But you can't achieve that goal in this form. What exactly is the problem you're trying to solve?" Utena-kun closes his eyes, breathing out deeply. "The resolution of someone's love for two different people." The Advocate ohs. "I see. Yes... yes. I've dealt with a case like this before. One second." He stands, and opens a wooden cabinet... rooting through the scrolls tucked neatly into organized rows. Utena-kun blinks.. "You have?" Evidently he really thought he was the only one... The Advocate nods, still searching. "Love triangles were solved in many ways, back when the world was still bright and full of magik. Nowadays, it's less common, but.. ah." He withdraws a scroll, and unrolls it, reading. "Yes. It seems Lord and Lady Davenshire had a problem. Each of them loved someone else, but they didn't want to break up their own marriage, which was going well on a friendly level -- and their country disallowed divorces. So, they hired a wizard to split off other forms to be with their other lovers. Only it didn't work, for similar reasons." Utena-kun nods. Sounds like the situation here to a t... he glances up, a flinch hidden in his eyes... "How was it resolved...? Was it even possible to resolve..?" The Advocate reads on. "Well, for the Lord, the situation resolved itself. His lover turned out to be cheating on him, and they had a falling out.. his split form pulled from our contract and wandered off. But the Lady and her lover managed rebirth." Utena-kun sits forward, painful hope in his eyes... "Is it possible for someone like me...? I'm not a whole person.... not like her..." The Advocate shakes his head. "She wasn't, either. Her split form had a problem of soul sharing as well. But through rebirth, your essence -- which is yours, regardless of souls, minds, bodies, what have you -- regenerates into a whole form in another world. It's a popular option for the suicidal or for star crossed lovers. A garuntee that the next world will be better than this one, and that you'll find peace when you were unable to here." The Advocate sits again, keeping the scroll unrolled.. although it's written in a strange scrip, of lines and dots and geometric shapes. Utena-kun says, "... So.. I -do- have to die...? Then Paradox was right...?" The weight of that little pill in his pocket..." The Advocate nods. "Death and rebirth are common methods of having a 'second chance' at something that was not 'meant to be'. Not using the strict technical or legal terms, of course. But there's more to it than that. You need a garunteed route towards your goal. One which I can negotiate for you, for a fee. Utena-kun shows his hands. "What fee..? I'll pay whatever you ask, but I don't have anything to me.. except myself.." The Advocate nods once. "Exactly." Utena-kun's expression is sorrowful.. but his brows knit at that response, and he replies in a soft voice, "I don't understand." The Advocate stands up, moving freely about his office, to feed his fish.. an ordinary life gesture. "As stated, I've died twice. The only way I continue existing is on donated time. I don't steal life from others; I ask for it in payment. Usually a few weeks, or a few months subtracted from your overall lifespan.." He looks over. "For you, however, your situation is ideal. You can give up the remainder of your lfie, which you wouldn't need anymore, in order to pay for your rebirth. As would your lover." Utena-kun pales a little. Understanding NOW. But he whispers, "I don't know that she wants to die like I do. She wants me to be more of a person... I don't think she'd agree to do it like this." The Advocate nods. "That may be the case. But you won't know until you talk it over with her. Will you accept my services? I can't help you any farther unless you do. But I won't take any payment -- from you or her -- if I can't win your case in the course of fate, of course." Utena-kun stands up, a hand resting in his pocket. "... I accept. For myself, I do. Maybe there's a better life waiting for me in another place. I'll go to her. But if she doesn't agree..." The Advocate takes another scroll, blank, from the desk.. he gestures over it, and the bloodlike scrawl of geometric figures coats it down one side, with english down the other. "Right. If she doesn't agree, I can at least bargain your way to a better life. So either way, you win." He turns the scroll around, and hands you an ordinary quill, no blood. "Sign at the bottom." It reads 'I, the undersigned, am aware of the terms of payment as well as the terms of success which will determine if payment is to be rendered, and agree to accept the services of the Advocate.' Utena-kun takes the feathered pen and, after sorting that legalism out in his head a moment, is about to sign... pauses. "Wait." Utena-kun says, "... I'm a fragment of a greater self. I can't sign her name." Utena-kun says, "She's not involved in this." The Advocate nods? "I can modify the phrasing to any liking you want. I'm above board..." Ah. He considers. "Simply fill in 'The being who calls himself' with your name. It'll declare your person and not hers." Utena-kun will accept that, and marks the space, with a brief and flowing hand. 'The male shadow of Ten'jou Utena', is what he writes. Carefully. They may be split and all.. but he doesn't want to drag her into this, wanting at least HER to be hapy. The Advocate takes the scroll, when you finish.. and chants a brief power word. It duplicates, and he hands one to you. "And that's your copy." He resumes his seat. "Now, then. The process of application for a rebirth is fairly simple, but few have the kind of connections that are required. If you lack any of them, I can try to negotiate you some means of invisible support from my contacts. Fair?" Utena-kun sits down as well. "... We have to speak to Teleute, don't we?" Naming her one of her more proper and dignified names... The Advocate raises an eyebrow. "Yes, we do. Are you on speaking terms with one of the endless? Few are at that level.. she would be an ideal source for one of the requirements, a person with the ability to grant death and birth. Normally I'd seek out a powerful mage, but.." Utena-kun smiles wistfully. "We've made deals before..." He glances around, trying to relax enough that he can see her again... while nodding to the Advocate. The Advocate ahs. "So, you're familiar with the legal loopholes and processes the supernatural have to go through. Good." He relaxes as well.. but he was always relaxed. "You only have three other requirements. One, an expert who can testify that the love you two share is true love, and worth consideration. I can summon a poet in a pinch, but it'd be better to go with a goddess of romance or something.." Utena-kun thinks about that... and smiles again with that softness... knowing the perfect person to ask. "Love of the wingless." Utena-kun grins wryly, lifting his head. "We made a lot of connections in our lives.." Meaning himself and the other Utena... The Advocate is given pause. "You certainly have a lot of bargaining chips to bring to the table." Smiles a little, for a chance. "You could start your own advocacy business with those kinds of connections. Third, you'll need Anshi's permission to include her in this deal.. that you'll have to negotiate on your own, but I can provide assistance if needed..." Utena-kun shakes his head. "If she doesn't want to do it.. then she doesn't want to do it, and no amount of anything can make her..." A longing and loneliness in the blue eyes there, deep and vast; he's been sitting on that thing he was made to be, the love of her... and it leaks for a moment.. how much he misses her and HATES all of this when it should be so simple.. The Advocate hms. "Don't rule it out just yet. I sensed something in you; you're no stranger to the concept of rebirth, and odds are, she isn't either." He finishes his list. "Finally, you're going to need a travel agent. I'm afraid I can't provide one, because the last one I used, Domino, was fired recently. But Teleute may be able to arrange a Department of Death authorized agent for you." Utena-kun laughs faintly a moment.. so much procedure to it.. a whole beauracracy of death, and life going on behind the scenes.. if people only knew... then he draws his mind back to the situation at hand, and draws in a deep breath. "We'll have to see, I guess.." He moves as if ready to stand... "Is there anything else.. or can I go to it...?" Polite toned, respectful of the business of this thing. The Advocate produces a fresh scroll, and waves his hand over it.. generating more scrip, and four blank lines. "Return this to me with signatures from Death, Love, a travel agent and Anshi. And then I can submit the paperwork, and you can be on your way. Try to get a ticket on the Number Nine." Utena-kun nods again, gripping the scroll carefully, then turning and holding out his hand. "Thank you, sir." he replies in a quiet, subdued manner. There is much to be done... The Advocate smiles. "It's a pleasure doing business with you, sir. I'll await your return. If you take more than a day, please bring me back to life with a day's donation on your return." He opens a personal organizer, and writes some notes to himself, meeting concluded. Utena-kun turns quietly, but with purpose, and steps out of the office, to pick up Chu in the waiting room... smiling to the little mouse. "... If it works.. it'll work, Chu. But... I'm afraid it means that you might have to move on too.." Chuchu shrugs. ()n.n() "Chu.. I can get other gigs. I was just here to keep you happy, ne? If I can help do that, I succeeded." He scrabbles up and perches on your head. Utena-kun says, "The other me could probably use you.." Utena-kun comments softly.. "Especially soon." But then he nods and carries you with him out of the door, out of the catacomb, up into the path leading out of the cathedral.." Chuchu nodnods. Point taken. "Chu!" He powerposes. ()n.n(0 Utena-kun grins faintly. "Let's go home." And bearing the scroll, he walks through the air, two steps to home.. approaching the outside of the sanctuary because he wanted to be there and nudged it to be instantly... Looking up at the house with a slow realization spreading. If he does this.. this world will fade away... for both of them... it's.. .almost like a sledgehammer to the heart, giving him pause for long moments... watching the house and the way the wind moves through the trees.. his spirit flounders a moment from its resolve. Maybe this ISN'T the best way.. But this world feels like HER. Everywhere except this place, which you've declared yours. The universe knows you're not the one who belongs here. Can you even enter Darra without feeling her? Utena-kun hangs his head. He can't. He can feel her everywhere in the world... especially now. But to do this out of bitterness and resentment of her.. no. That will NOT do. That has to be purged. And he does so. compressing those feelings tight and then casting them out and away... he will not resent her for causing him to be. He will not resent her for being human enough to have made this happen; she loved Anshi enough to want her to be happy, and so he can't hate her for this. But now he had to finish what he was brought into being to do. And he strides into the house, up the stairs, seeking Anshi. You can find her in the library.. sewing. Sewing quietly, needle into thread.. so engrossed in the mindless task that she doesn't notice your entrance. (What if someone else entered the house? Would she notice? She looks so lost..) Utena-kun approaches quietly and takes away the sewing from her hands, kneeling down on the ground in front of her, looking for her eyes. "Himemiya.." Anshi's hands still make the sewing motions for a moment or two, even without needle and thread.. then she jerks to realization. Eyes widening. "U-Utena!" And she.. smiles. "I had.. I thought you weren't coming back.." Utena-kun smiles quietly, reaching up and carressing your cheek. "I couldn't leave you behind. But we need to talk now." Anshi nods.. nods. Gets serious. "Have you found what you sought?" She wants to know. You can't sense loving faith there.. but she's friendly, at least. Not cold. Utena-kun raises himself up slightly on his knees, taking your face lightly in his hands and kissing you, without asking or waiting... a gentle, loving kiss before he draws back. "In a manner of speaking. Anshi... I can't not love you. I can't not be the one who loves you intensely. I need you to understand something that might hurt you.. it hurt me too. The Utena, the female Utena that you cling to is gone. She can never be yours again... she can't love you. But I CAN. And I DO and WILL." His voice so soft. "I need you to accept me as I am.. as the one that loves you. Because I will always love you. Whether you want me to or not." Anshi blinks once.. and is still. The words settling into her. Hard words to swallow, given what they imply.. no more of what she was familiar with. And end to that. Only this. She looks down.. "...I can accept that. But I can't love you. I'm sorry.. I want to. But I don't feel like I can. It's not what I grew to love. I'm sorry.." Utena-kun says, "I know you can't.. not in this world. But... Himemiya.. we can leave this world. Together. We can exist and be away from her and away from everything that this world did and has done.. we can start again. But only if you're willing to try, and to trust me." His eyes are calm, but pleading at the same time, not leaving yours. "You have to let go of her. She loves Xelloss. She's loved him for a long, long time. And yet what she felt for you was true and is now within me. If you were to meet her... she couldn't become what you need of her... because those feelings are within ME. If you want to reject both of us... then I understand. But there is no more of her in me... and no more of you in her. I don't want to hurt you when I say this. I just need you to understand everything. With or without you, Anshi.. I have to leave this world. I want you to come with me. But I can't live in her shadow any more." Anshi almost doesn't hear what you say after the initial statements. Her eyes widen. "Leave this world?!.. leave? What?" Confusion sets in. "I can't.. I don't want to DIE. Or to leave. It's.. it's home.." she looks around. "I can't. I can't! ...she's not my Utena anymore, and you're not the Utena I've grown to need, but.. but I can..." Befuddlement. Looking around.. Utena-kun cries out in agony, "This isn't OURS! None of this is ours.. none of this is mine... I am the Utena who loves you, ME! This is HERS! Everything HERE is hers... it's not OUR memories, it's HERS... Anshi, NEITHER of us can be happy like this... this isn't OUR home...!" He shakes his head hard... trying to calm down again... Utena-kun says it again. "I am the Utena that loves you. I remember everything that's happened to bring us to where we are. I remember how much pain you felt and how hard you tried to hide it from me.. I remember the Rose Bride.. I remember all of it... How can you cling to her when I'm the one that remembers you? Anshi looks around. At the library, in the house they made. That Utena negotiated from the spirit of the land. At all the things that happened here with her.. that she started or brought here. Then thinks about this house.. completely empty. With only her. Forever. Shivers. "...I'm like you," she realizes. "I don't have my own life outside of her. I thought I did, but.. what would I do without her and without you? I'd just.. fade." Utena-kun nods slowly, eyes softening... "It's like that." Utena-kun says, "Neither of us are whole people.. we're living in her shadow." Anshi sinks. "..I have nothing except that. And that's nothing." She nods.. now seeing it, now agreeing. It's dismal. "..I guess it's best we just die, then." Doomsaying. Utena-kun carresses your cheek. "No. We LEAVE. Together. And we make new lives that are really ours... " Utena-kun says, "Please, Himemiya... please. Leave this world with me... together, we can make a true life beyond this." Anshi looks up. "Go where? What can we do? We'll still be who we are. What we're doomed to be.." She looks curiously. "I don't understand what you mean." Utena-kun says, "I know a way we can escape these selves and be our real selves." Anshi is a bit meek. "..will it hurt?" Utena-kun shakes his head. "No. I won't let it hurt. Do you trust me...? If you trust me, we can make it happen the way we want." Anshi shivers. "..I trust you, just..." Swallows. "I'm nervous." A bit of a nervous smile, with it. "Gomen nasai.." Utena-kun puts his arms around you. "I know. It's scary.. but I'm going to be with you. I never left you." Anshi holds you.. more assured, and wanting to hold you than any other time. "Okay. ..what do I have to do?" Utena-kun cradles you close for a moment, breathing in you and savoring that you finally accepted him as the real one who loves... then draws back with reluctance and shows you the scroll. "Just put your name on this line. We have four steps. If we complete the four steps, we can step away from this world for the last time, and go to then next. We'll close the door on everything that came before this." Anshi blinks. A scroll? She's not sure what to make of it.. and there is that thing about signing over your soul to a devil, in legend, but... she looks at you. And trusts you. She fetches a quill from the library desk, and signs without hesitation. Utena-kun nods, rolling it up and away when the signature's dried.. then handing it to you. "You carry it." He takes your hand. "Are you ready to go to the next person we have to see...?" Anshi ums. "..yes. But.. you do the talking. Okay?" She can TELL on some level that this is not going to be an ordinary round of visits... Utena-kun smiles gently, the warm, loving smile to reassure you, and nods. "We're on our way. Hold tight to my hand." He steps, and moves through the world, taking you with him, easily... fingers warm in yours, to stand before the shop of Love in Darra... The shop is nicely repaired. You can even tell that Love fixed most of the broken items, and put them back on the shelf.. loving attention to detail, really. She reads a romance novel, at her counter.. blinks, on your arrival. "Good evening." Surprised. Anshi walks along with you.. quiet, as she's always been. But trusting. Utena-kun smiles quietly, stepping in with Anshi's hand held securely in his... bowing his head respectfully. "Love..." It occurs to him that she probably hasn't met him... "... Do you have a few moments...? We need your help." Love sets her novel down. "..I have a feeling you do," she says. "Talents. I can't turn them off, even if I'd like to. Now can I help you two?" Utena-kun explains quietly. "The Utena that I was and am.. isn't the Utena that is now... " As if this explains, but he has the hope you'll understand. "Anshi and I love each other.. but we can't escape her shadow in this life..." His head bows, voice dropping softer now. "We need help to move on." Love seems to understand. Sighs.. "I know. I know now. Just takes a hint." She thinks. "But I have to judge if this is true love, yes? The most pure and beautiful form of it. Nothing less can survive a transition into a new form. You need it, in order to find each other again.." Utena-kun nods slowly. In himself, he's absolutely SURE of his love.. you can feel his pride in it, the fire in his breast.. he lives for her.. the purest love there IS.. untainted by any side feelings, any doubt, any uncertainty.. .He looks back to Anshi, bringing her gently forward to present her to Love... smiling at her tenderly. Anshi looks at Utena.. no. She closes her eyes. And she feels her love.. love for the concept she defines as Utena, for the thing that is no more.. but the thing that is kin to the Utena at her side. The core of him, the truth of him. And that merges with the love she feels.. and you can tell that the only thing keeping the two apart now is the shadow that falls on both of them. The thing they want to escape. Love pauses, in deep concentration. Weighing your hearts with feathers, in her own internal scales... Utena-kun smiles, fighting back tears... she loves him. There was always the doubt, but he can feel it transcending... so intensely grateful, he no longer has to deny ANYTHING to her... and with the luck of the gods, she won't have to deny him... "...I can feel the truth," Love says. "It's there. This world overshadows it, but you will find each other wherever you go. Someday, you'll shine together." She takes the scroll from Anshi, and signs her name on it.. handing it over. "Go. And be happy." Smiles. Utena-kun smiles as well, tears slipping down his face, just for a moment. "Thank you." he says, and means it with everything in him. In his mind.. the worst is over. Utena-kun looks to Anshi, a silent question. Are you ready..? Do you need a moment..? Anshi smiles brightly.. words. But great words. She doesn't cry, but she smiles, and that's more than she's done in a long time, with true feeling behind it. "..I'm ready. I'm excited. Nervous, but.." Looks into your eyes. "Let's continue." Utena-kun nods in response, before another bow of his head to Love. "Again. Thank you...But... please make sure that she doesn't blame herself for this...? She won't understand." Love ahs.. "She'll have something else to deal with. Reiko. I just remembered." Shakes her head. "But don't let that stop you. I'll take care of cleaning up your affairs here. I swear." Utena-kun pauses a moment, ".. Should we take her with us..?" Utena-kun looks to Anshi. Anshi shakes her head. "She already was reborn once. Let her be a child here. She'll be okay. And she knows Utena as her mother..." Anshi says, "Don't forget, she's protected by the blessing." Utena-kun thinks about this. "That's right. It slipped my mind." He nods. "I was just thinking... her life is so hard. She can't always protect... but you're right. She doesn't need to come with us." Anshi smiles. "It's the right thing to do." She looks around. "Um.. who's next?" If Love was one, well, the rest must not be so bad.. Utena-kun squeezes his hand around yours gently. "You've met her once." He turns around... gently calling out to her... one doesn't go to Death, it's not like she keeps a desk somewhere... he just whispers her name with sincere need, calling out to her. "Sure, I'll buzz you in." *bzzzzzz* And you're at the front door to Death's home. Just like that. Anshi blinks.. not recognizing this place. "How did we..?" Utena-kun smiles. "Don't worry about it." Anshi worries about it. o.o Utena-kun opens the door for you and escorts you inside... "She brought us here." Utena-kun is calm; he feels Death his friend, and isn't afraid of her at all. Anshi walks in.. and then sees Death, and freezes. Even though Death is in a very nonthreatening outfit; some colorful leotards and sweatbands. She's watching an exercise video, where perky blondes hop around to popular music. "Hey. Don't mind me, just keeping trim. What's up?" Utena-kun grins quietly. "The usual chaos. But we came to ask you a favor. For us, the last favor in this world, we hope." Death does some stretches. "Uh-huh. I've been too busy keeping the love handles off, so I haven't been omniscient recently.. what's up?" Anshi says, "..." Utena-kun turns and whispers to Anshi, "If you're afraid, close your eyes. But she's our friend." Anshi says, "..I'm not afraid." Even though she's unsettled. Utena-kun takes the scroll from Anshi and hands it to Death, quietly. "This should explain." He keeps Anshi close, trying to be comforting to her with his arms and hands. "We finally got clued in." Death finishes a stretch.. then looks at the contract. And frowns. "You're working with him?" Utena-kun glances back, frowning a little himself at the frown. "Is there a better way..." Death looks irritated. "That guy.. he's such a shyster bastard. Always skimming whatever life he can't admit he lost off people. And he drinks too much, and he's got bad habits, and..." She sighs. "And he's a professional, and he won't cheat you. And yes, it's a good method, and yes, he's probably the best one to arrange it for you." Utena-kun says, "Then it's all right...?" He looks infinitely relieved... "... Can you recommend us an agent to travel through...?"" Utena-kun snugs Anshi quietly. It'll be okay... it's a feeling like the light at the end of the tunnel... soon, out of darkness, into light.. Death nods. "He's alright. That's the problem. I hate the guy because he's such a little prick, but he's a reliable and skilled prick. Always finds some law to pick at to get what he wants.." Makes a face. "Sorry, sorry. I'm digressing. That guy just gets under my skin. Yeah, I can finagle one. He's retired, but he's the best you can get and he'll help you if I ask him to." Anshi smiles a little.. trying not to pay attention to anything in specific. Just waiting for the future she knows she's getting. Utena-kun says, "Will you sign, and show us the way..?" Utena-kun smiles as well. He can feel that same anticipation... looking forward to the end of this... like heavy weights and chains slowly being removed from his shoulders, he can feel the world starting to slide away now. Death takes out a pink Sailor Moon pen and scribbles her name down in the vampire script; grinning a little, let's see how he reacts to THAT. "Sure thing. Let me make a phone call, then I'll give you a ride." She passes the scroll back, and dials her Mickey Mouse phone. Utena-kun smiles with the giddiness of someone making arrangements to take a long Carribbean cruise, packed up the swimsuits and the sunglasses and the tanning lotion... and in such a manner, random thoughts reach him, the settling of small affairs.. "I guess we're leaving the house for her...?" Death taptaps her fingers on the phone. "Hey.. it's me. Yeah, me. Look, I know you're sitting pretty in the ninth underworld, but I've got someone here who needs your skills.. a crazy portfolio. And you're still the best.. right. Right. Well, right now, actually. I know, short notice, but... won't take long, no. No. Right. Right. Okay. I'll provide the office. Right. Okay." Hangs up. "Her? Him." Death opens the door.. and it leads to a posh office, with a large computer with circular screen, and a nice desk. Utena-kun shakes his head. "I meant, I guess that the other me will retake the sanctuary..? Anshi looks around.. it's a strange archetecture. Like the 'modern world' she was in for a short time. Death shrugs. "That's up to her. I'm guessing she will, though. She's homeless right now. Xel's not much of a provider." She walks back into her 'house'. "He'll be along in a sec, okay?" Utena-kun nods, and smiles to Death. "Thank you, again. I know you'll look after her, right?" Death grins. "After both of you. Don't forget, I've got a backstage pass." She winks, waves, and closes the door. Anshi finds a chair, and sits.. her hands in her lap. "..this is so strange. Am I dreaming?" Utena-kun grins, warmed by that. Then he turns and pulls out a chair for Anshi... shaking his head. "No. We're going to wake up finally.. you can think of it like that." Anshi ahs. Not quite getting it, but she likes the sound of it. Smiles. "A travel agent. It's like we're going on a trip.." Utena-kun says, "It's exactly like that." The door opens.. and a skeleton walks in. (Well, a well dressed skeleton, in a nice business suit..) Anshi O.O and clings to you. Utena-kun would have freaked if it WASN'T dressed... but he manages to be macho and chuckle faintly and comforts Anshi... "... Ssh. It's just the travel agent." He compliments the man on his tie and puts the scroll on the desk... The skeleton nods. And grins. But skeletons can't really do anything ELSE. "Buenos dias," he greets, and sits behind the desk. "My name is Manuel Calavera. Formerly with the Department of Death. Now.. I understand you two need transportation?" Anshi says, "..........." Utena-kun nods, intent on keeping his calm and enjoying this, making good plans for a future that's real. "Yes. I was told to try and get tickets on Number Nine..." Very calm voice. He puts a hand gently on Anshi's shoulder to steady her. Manny taptaps his bony fingers on the desk. "The Number Nine. Well, that's not easy to wrangle.. you have to have primo good karma in the bank to afford that ticket. Let's pull up your records.." He turns on the computer, and types.. and a window pops up. OVERLOAD. He blinks. "You've led an unusual life, Mr. Ten'joh." Utena-kun nods slowly and laughs. "We both have..." Meaning both himself and Anshi and himself and the other Utena.. Manny hrmms. "I see why the boss lady wanted me on this. Your record is really crazy. Yours and Miss Himemiya's." He taps his intercom. "Dolores, can you send up the hardcopy of their files by the server?..." and FOOT! a tube slams into place in the pneumatic delivery system behind him. Just like Reason's. Anshi says, "..." Less dots. She must be calming down. Utena-kun blinks. What the heck? Scratches his head a little, but observes on, asking quietly. "It's not bad, is it..?" Manny checks the papers. "No, no.. it's just that it's all over the map. Lots of good karma but it wasn't organized well enough for the computer to read it.." He sits, and gets out a calculator. "I gotta tally it up by hand. If you're lucky, you can afford tickets on the Number Nine, and skip the four year trip across the underworld, making your journey in just four minutes!" Utena-kun glances at Anshi. Four year trip? A dark note.. rather like being told your dream vacation has to route through Cleveland, Pittsburgh and New Jersey first.. .but... he has faith. They've EARNED peace. They've earned their release... in blood and tears and sorrow... It's a tense few minutes, as Manny does the calculations.. making notes with a pencil, cursing in Spanish whenever he types in the wrong number and has to start again. Anshi gets apprehensive. "..what if..?" She leaves it unfinished. Utena-kun squeezes his hand around yours. "It's all right. Even if. You heard what Love said. We can find each other no matter what. I'm not afraid." Anshi squeezes the hand tightly. Unnerved. "I'll find you. I promise." Manny hmms. "Well... this is unusual." Utena-kun says, "What is it?" Utena asks slowly." Utena-kun says, "What is it?" He looks a little alarmed, and tries to stifle it. Manny taps his note-scrawled paper. "Well, Miss Himemiya's earned her Number Nine ticket by a close margin, but you've earned TWO of them. Nobody earns enough for two people, not even the Pope." Anshi blinks. Earned? They did it? Utena-kun looks surprised as well... "... It must be because of the split.." Manny hrms. "Split, huh. That's unusual. Well.. I'll keep one of your tickets in holding for when it's needed, and give you one now. Okay? You probably shouldn't take someone else's ticket." He reaches into his desk.. and removes two golden tickets. They ruffle in unseen winds.. and fly to your hands, one for you, one for Anshi. Yours. Utena-kun looks at Anshi, and at the ticket... and smiles utterly shining with happiness. It's over. They're going to do this... He looks over. "Thank you, sir. If you can sign the scroll, we'll be on our way at once..." Manny takes the scroll, and signs. "There you go, senior. Have a pleasant trip." Smiles. But then again.. no choice. "I trust the bosslady will take you to the train station?" Anshi looks at her ticket, in disbelief.. Utena-kun says, "I think so." He HUGS Anshi, leaning over and hugging her. "It's for real..!" And just.. laughs with joy. Then he leans out, reaching his hand to the skeleton... "We're happy to do business with you. Thank you for all your help." Manny shakes hands.. ensuring that everybody has the same number of fingers they started with when the shake finishes. "A simple enough case for someone of my talent," he boasts. Anshi hugs back.. now smiling. They did it. They won. It's over. Death leans through the door. "Done yet?" Utena-kun picks up the scroll and nods, waving the gold ticket happily. "We're done, and ready.." Death leads you out of the office.. and to a train platform. A dreamy, silver platform, with aztec artwork all around.. just waiting for the train to pull up. A few others are here, some skeletons, some people.. some... other. Where is this? It feels so unreal. You're clearly gone from the world you knew. In transitional space. Anshi looks around, in wonder.. "Are we dead?" Utena-kun uhms. "I don't know, actually..." He looks back to Death, a little quirk of his shoulders. "Have we..?" Death shakes her head. "No, you--" A form appears.. misty, then in given shape. The Advocate. The Advocate says, "You still need to complete your contract with me, before you can leave. My fee." Utena-kun gazes at the artworks, eyes caught up briefly in the patterns.. zigzags and woven threads... so much like life.. uneven and imperfectly woven, but so beautiful, and you can't see the pattern until you're outside of it... he blinks, and looks over, stepping forward to hand the scroll over, all signatures, everything in place... "I understand..." Death glares at the Advocate.. who ignores her. "There's still the matter of the sixty four and seventy seven years each of you forfeit in order to do this. I would like them in full." He produces a receipt. "Simply sign this." Anshi blinks. Uneven numbers? Would one of them have died... no. She puts it aside; that's not an issue anymore. Utena-kun takes a pen and looks at Anshi.. "Ready..?" Death holds up a hand. "Wait. I get it now." She looks at the Advocate. "By helping them, YOU get over a hundred and fourty more legally approvable years to live. So you just did this so you could come back to earth alive?" Utena-kun blinks slowly, turning and looking at Death. The Advocate ahems. "I intend to be paid. I gave services rendered, and the fee was declared in advance. My service was prompt and to your liking, yes, Mr. Ten'joh?" Utena-kun says softly, "Yes, it was..." but a realization is coming up hard behind those words.. they aren't going to be able to go, are they...?" The Advocate notes, "If you don't want the services rendered, I can nullify the contract..." Death shakes her head. "Whatever. The world can survive having this guy walking on it for another century and a half." Looks at you. "Don't give up this opportunity." Utena-kun nods, slowly. "I don't want to. We earned this... and] I'm going to take it. I don't have to be a hero at this moment... I've done my share, and so has Anshi.." He reaches out to sign the receipt of payment. Anshi nods. "I won't give it up either." She clings to your side. The Advocate smiles, when you sign. "Thank you. You both are now legally dead, and may progress to the next world." He vanishes, shattering into a dozen black bats.. all flapping away. Death grumbles. "I hate that guy. Well. He's a mortal problem to deal with now. He IS a mortal, no matter what he pretends." Utena-kun blinks.. that was fast. And.. painless. He nods... "Maybe she'll deal with him. Who knows... but..." he reaches out to give Death a hug. "Thank you so much for everything. I think we're definitely ready to go now... it's been a life." He grins wryly, and snugs Anshi close. The train pulls up.. infinite speed, until it stops suddenly. Whistles blow. "All aboard the Number Nine for the next world in the course of your life cycles!" Passengers start to board, slowly. Death hugs back.. smiling. "It's been a good life. And soon it'll be yours in full." She steps back. "Don't miss your train, now. And good luck." Anshi watches, mystified.. it is like a dream. Like some glorious dream she can't understand, but one that fills her with joy... Utena-kun waves, and nods, tears in his eyes. "Thank you. From you... I'll take it as a blessing for both of us." He brushes a kiss over Anshi's forehead. "C'mon, let's go..." Pulling her with him and walking toward the conductor.. "Got your ticket..?" Anshi takes out her ticket, and offers it to the conductor.. he punches it, and ushers you in. The seats are large, and comfortable.. yours are marked with RESERVED FOR TEN'JOU/HIMEMIYA. Various saints, wisemen, good folk and others chat excitedly. Everybody's happy. Utena-kun is too, as he settles back comfortably into the seats... he couldn't have asked for anything more than this. The assurance of love that will last.. that they will be together, and find each other in the next life.. he gazes out of the window at the station a moment, just a moment, and then looks back to her beside him.. touching her chin and kissing her warmly. "Happy..?" he says quietly. Anshi kisses back.. warmly. They're out of that world, and the shadow is gone. It's like it will be, one day, shining together. "I'm happy," she says. Genuinely, for the first time in her life. "I'm happy. Thank you, Utena.. thank you." Utena-kun says, "I promised I'd take you to the real world. Now we're finally going there. Together." He settles back, and relaxes into death and the seat, waiting for the train to begin moving, feeling a great calm and peace... purpose fulfilled. But now it's not a purpose waiting ahead.. a new future... a new life. And she'll be in it. The train starts to pull away from the station.. Death waves a hanky at you, sniffling, from the platform. It enters the long tunnel.. but it's a bright tunnel, not a dark one. This is the light at the end of the tunnel. It envelops you, in warmth and love... and erases past sins and memories, and erradicates the shadow, and you breathe your first true breath.. reborn, to a life your own. And then... Sometime later... *slap.* Anshi's cheek reels from the blow, as she's surrounded by other students.. she drops her papers and her notes. They accuse her. "You told us you'd give us the answers to the upcoming test, and now you won't? You're so weird, Himemiya!" An *AHEM* sounds from behind the students... a young man's voice. "Exactly WHAT the hell do you think you're doing...?" A shadow falls behind them, over their shoulders and cast onto the wall... hands on hips of a slender figure.. The girls turn.. and see him, the most popular boy with the girls in school. "We, ah.." She looks to her cohorts, who are looking elsewhere. "We had a deal, see..." Anshi looks up.. recoginizing him, but only by reputation. "..." Utena-kun walks over toward the girls. Or maybe that should read stalks over. "I don't care. You don't go around HITTING people. Is that clear?" Confidence and power and poise in the blue eyes of the Student Council President... The girls scatter. That's a force to be reckoned with, in the microcosm of the world known as school. Leaving only you, and the slightly cowering Anshi, and her books on the floor. Utena-kun walks over and kneels before you, picking up those books into his hands easily, a soft snort of disgust at the selfish girls... short cropped pink hair rippling faintly, before he stands and smiles to you.. the warmest smile you've ever seen... from the brightest blue eyes that were torn from the purest summer sky... "Here. I'm really sorry about that. I'll have to deal with them later, but... are you okay..?" Anshi is too busy looking into your eyes to really respond.. trapped in them. But in a curious way, not a threatened way. "...I'm fine," she says automatically. "Do I know you..?" Utena-kun blinks, as he suddenly finds those emerald eyes... and sinks into them.. liking them, and not knowing why... feeling a need to protect and safeguard her.. not that he wouldn't for ANY girl.. but this is different... He whispers, "... It feels like we have, doesn't it..?" Anshi..smiles, a bit. "Kinda." She takes up some of her books. "Umm.. those girls may be after me again, so.. can you walk me to my next class? It's just across the quad." She seems happy, now that you're here.. a normally shy and reserved girl, but oddly comfortable now. And not questioning that. Just enjoying it. Utena-kun smiles back, a slight sideways tilt of his head. "Sure.. I don't mind. It'd be the princely thing to do." He grins, and offers you the crook of his arm, "But.. say, I don't even know your name... I'm Utena. And you are..?" Anshi accepts the arm. Smiling to you. "Anshi," she responds. "I'm happy to meet you." Utena-kun grins. "Me too..." And he leads her off, the princess on his arm, grinning under the summer sun that shines down on them....