Utena is making cookies. Wearing a cute little canvas apron tied around
her waist, and humming quietly to herself as she mixes eggs into the
batter. It's rather domestic of her, but she's actually not minding so
much... gazing at the garden greenhouse that Aerith's been reshaping,
gazing at the tree beyond... enjoying the memories of this house as she
folds sugar and batter around in a bowl easily. Cooking's something she
hasn't had a lot of time for until recently, so she's savoring that too.
Generally content and at peace with herself.

There's an old saying which goes, 'Make tea, and visitors will come to sip
it.' That domesticity invites guests. This wouldn't be relevant if not for
the soft crash and tinkle from the greenhouse.

Utena blinks and lets the spoon drop against the side of the bowl as she
hurries outside to investigate the sound... oddly she was able to hear it
even through the closed door. Her senses are getting better, perhaps?

It doesn't seem like much. Something broke one of the many glass panes in
the dome over the garden, a falling object of some sort. No dark spectral
forces or anything are there to greet you, but it's not immediately
obvious what did it.

Utena frowns and spends a little time investigating.. inside the
greenhouse first, noting with absent approval the new additions of some
other kinds of flowers and the general repruning and managing of the roses
in here as she looks to see if a stone or something went through her
window.. in which case she can blame some kind from the village, maybe...

There is broken glass in here, glass that fell inward.. and a dead
blackbird, which must have dropped from the sky. (Although what killed it
isn't clear.) It'd be hard to tell which of the many square panes broke,
since they're transparent.. if not for the visible shape of a castle
tower, seen only through one space in the grid of the dome above.

Utena picks up the poor bird, and cradles it in her apron before
slooooowly looking up. Her eyes getting very, very wide, and showing
bewilderment and confusion.

It's a blue and white castle, with rims of yellow lights.. very familiar.
Very, very familiar. But it's not upside down. It's right side up. The sky
is the same color it is through any other window.. but the optical
illusion suggests a very different sky indeed, through that tiny portal
made by the broken glass...

Utena unwraps her apron slowly from her body, wrapping it around the bird
and setting bird and apron on the stone bench here... frowning deeply at
the visage through the single space in the grid. Grid. Order. She knew
this was going to come down sooner or later, didn't she...? Concentrating
on that opened space, she attempts to nudge herself through it, to jump up
and move through that opened pathway.

It's easy to get through.. to the other place. Very easy. Nothing
challenges you... except the vision of the castle of illusions, Dios's
home, right side up, in this other-world. Placed in the center of the oak
grove, where the sanctuary SHOULD be.. everything else seeming normal,
although Darra in the distance is more of a fake-looking image, a trick of
the light, than anything else. But the castle is very, very real.
Perfectly real.

Utena is given a reason to pause. And she just stares at the castle for a
long time, trying to put it together in her mind how it could still be
here and exist... both the Castle of Illusions and its mirror, the Castle
of Thorns, were destroyed. She finds herself... afraid, deeply afraid,
this time. She can normally shrug off most things thrown at her.. but this
is different.. very, very different. Her hands are shaking, and her heart
is shaking too. She moves toward it, but with suspicion.

Can something have three mirrors? It stays where it is, as you approach...
you can see, in the courtyard, everything you expect to see. In all its
glory and brilliance... and someone has set out a small cafe table, with
umbrella to shade from the sun. A teaset. Some cookies. And Prince Dios,
sitting there as plain as can be, sipping from a small teacup. He glances
at you.. then nods once, and looks back to his snack.

Utena stumbles visibly, a couple of steps.. but the table is obviously set
for two and and she knows a message of invitation when it sledgehammers
her over the head like this... Swallowing in a throat gone dry, she
manages to make her way over toward the table and its umbrellla, fighting
the shaking that's trying to possess her body and weaken her even more.

And then, Dios pours you tea.. nudging it over to you. And speaks. "Tea
has a very calming effect on people. It's something biological as well as
psychological. If you come from a culture which drinks coffee or ale
primarily, then you won't get all of the effect, but some is always
present." He says this as fine as you please, unconcerned with your
unsettlement. Something's different. Dios feels.. real. Not a glowing
godlike figure of grace and magnificence. But a man.

Utena nods in a weak manner as she pulls out one of the elaborate
white-iron-cast chairs and sits down on it... her hand reaching for the
tea cup. She almost drops it when she recognizes the design.. the same one
she keeps in her own cupboards... but she manages to hold it steady and
not spill it... even to get a tiny sip out of it. She can feel the change,
but she expects that he won't answer a question directly... or that she'll
hear the explanation soon.

Dios finishes his tea. Sips twice, to drain the cup, then sets it down.
Eyes closed. Then open. "I suppose there is a beginning to answering your
questions. I should explain right from the start that I am not *entirely*
the Dios you know. The Dios that was had many parts to him.. man, prince,
legend, beast, myth, power. I am simply.. a guiding part of him, I
suppose. I was never destroyed. Disassociated, true, but I'm not capable
of being destroyed because I'm merely an idea personified into a
convenient shape."

Utena says, "You broke away when he was undone." she says softly, staring
at you.

Utena fights to keep her trembling down. Why is she REACTING like this?
She isn't afraid of Dios. She knows what he is, she moved beyond him,
she's BEEN him. Why is she so damn SCARED now, like a lost child?

Dios nods once. "That's correct. The Rose Bride didn't really triumph over
the many hands that pulled that particular creature in directions. One
remained, and that is I. The most powerful over all of them." He smiles.
"But I'm not a beast, like Akio was. Really, I hold no grudges and usually
hold no opinions save the one that defines me. Don't be scared."

... And he's in her head. She fights herself down and concentrates on the
tea.. the flavor and scent, her hands steadying as she forces herself to
calm through the various methods that she's learned over time. When the
cup is empty, her calm is restored; she nods slowly. "Like the Rose Bride
too. No opinions but the one that defines you."

Dios nods again. Simple nod. "It's true. That's the way of metaphors,
gods, entities." The three words seem to echo, around the castle..
resonating with truth and mistruth. How real the unreality of it is.
Metaphors. Gods. Entities. He continues. "It's hard for humans to
understand, but you have a foot in both camps. You can't escape that, you
know. It'd be best if you could simply find a happy medium, as you are
Balance, and you need to be true to yourself."

Utena sighs. "It'd be pointless to say I don't agree, wouldn't it. So
we'll just say that I am, for right now, and I'll let that define me. I
don't like being defined." She shakes her head and gazes at you. The
differences withstanding, memories drift through her mind. Vows sworn.
Faith lost. So many emotions and feelings wrapped up in this singular
visage before her... like the great disciple that faced God and found him
hollow, she doesn't know how to feel now.

Dios hmms. "I suppose it will do for now." He refills his own tea. Very
calm. "So. Here we are. An idea in motion, and a former assistant turned
to an opposing side. We could have done it, you know. The thing the
Paradox-metaphor called Third Impact... another metaphor. It was possible,
through you, but the other hands pulled you aside."

Utena says, "It wasn't right."

Utena shakes her head. "I thought it was, but it was no better than Gaav.
There wasn't rightness to it. It's not my right to decide anything for
anyone. That was the power of God, and I couldn't have that."

Utena says, "I don't miss it any more. I like the world just like it is
now, even though it's stupid and hurtful sometimes. The child wants to
make everything never hurt again, the adult knows sometimes you have to
hurt and struggle to live."

Dios shakes his head. "It was the only chance this aimless world had at
being truly at peace with itself. Truly happy and unified." He raises an
eyebrow. "But what is god but a metaphor for a guiding idea above all
other ideas? Anybody can be god. People right now use leeches to bleed out
their diseases. They won't understand antibiotics, it's not a guiding idea
they can accept -- but it's a salvation metaphor. Someone needs to open
their eyes, since they don't want to see."

Utena shakes her head. "No. That's not our place."

Utena says, "To keep things going as they are and let humans have control
of their own lives.. that's the only role we have the right to take."

Dios says, "It is our place. Your place, Balance, and the place of Chaos,
and Order, and all the others. They are the makers and shapers. Humans
will die if they have no help from us. Where would this world be without
God?"

Utena says, "There's chaos and order in humans- for all the bad, there's
good somewhere too. We can't always see it because our lives are small by
design. We're not supposed to see a bigger picture." She sighs, and takes
the tea pot, feeling thirsty and pouring herself another cup. "Humans
lived without God, you know. It's part of the big picture. They started
without God, and God was an idea that they realized when they ran out of
strength, and there might even be a time without God in the future. I
don't know, I can't see that." She sips at the tea, quietly. "Humans are
stronger than you think. "

Utena says, "Anyone who wants to force anything external on humans..
that's wrong. Chaos and Order are both wrong in how they're going about
it.. anyone who tries to change the mind of a man is wrong."

Utena says, "Change comes from inside."

Dios shakes his head. "I was there when they were made. Well, Order was.
And I'm an aspect of him. Metaphors of metaphors, gods of gods, need
entities to act for them and that is me." he smiles. "This is hard to
express in human terms... now, come on. That's really giving humanity more
prominence than is called for. You said yourself they can't understand
these things. They aren't above us, or rather, above the thing that I am
representing and its ilk. They aren't BETTER. There has to be a
heirarchical balance, as you know... there are people above us as well,
gods of gods of gods of gods... but humans aren't above all that. If they
are above anything more than themselves, it goes out of order."

Utena links her fingers and thinks quietly for a moment. "I can't
underestimate humanity, ever. I came from humanity. I think they'll always
surprise you, no matter how predictable you think they are. They have
perfect balance in them, or at least the chance to have it." She wryly
smiles. "Heirarchies are for those who have a deep need to feel better
than someone else."

Dios shakes his head. "You didn't come from humanity. You went TO
humanity. You were Balance, once, standing with us in rank. I don't know
how you got from there to here.. if you're an avatar or a metaphor or
Balance herself. But something's gone wrong." He sighs. "Betterness will
be proven. You know the challenge, yes. If Chaos can prevent Order's
organization of this world, then it was-not-meant, and Order will be in
error. But you can't predict that any more than I can."

Utena says, "It doesn't matter which one is better. This is children in a
playground messing with the fate of an entire world. It's not funny at
all, except that children play so earnestly. You said it yourself, Order,
it's time to grow up. ."

(It is a lot like schoolkids arguing, isn't it? Pointless and cyclic, and
with a hint of namecalling. Just like a school of children trying to learn
who they're supposed to be and what they want to do, making mistakes and
struggling with each other...)

Dios shakes his head. "He won't bow to defeat until it's proven, and the
ones above us, gods of gods of gods, determine what needs doing as a
result. This is too important." He looks at you, seriously. "But I think
you should know some practical things. One. The key is not required in
operation of the altar. The Breen are almost done assembling it."

Utena closes her eyes. "I thought it was..." She groans softly but stifles
it, her eyes opening to meet yours again. "Some practical things. All
right. What else is there...?"

Dios says, "Two.. this ends, when this ends. I raised you through Dios,
pulling against the Rose Bride's controlled chaos and rebellion, through
the beast's anarchy. The Rose Bride pulled you away from me in total, with
aid from Chaos... I tried one more time, using Gaav, to have his ordered
chaotic impulses to bring apocalypse. Your Balance stopped him. This,
however, is what ultimately it was leading to. The Power of Dios,
Revolution, Third Impact, the Altar's Operation, however you term it. If
you've made up your mind, and won't aid me, aid us, in bringing peace to
this world, then we will work against you. And someone will be proven
right, one way or another. Fair?"

Utena says, "I don't want to be part of the sandbox fighting, Dios."

Utena asks, "This is really stupid and immature, and it's getting worse
the longer it goes on. What is so hard about BOTH of you admitting you
were wrong and made a mistake? What is so wrong about trying to say you're
SORRY?"

Dios looks at you, seriously. "Then you shouldn't have gotten involved in
the dispute with Chaos and Order. You ARE part of it, now. And you've
chosen sides, and you want to stop the Altar." He smiles. "But Order isn't
wrong. He will prove it. There's nothing to be sorry for when you are in
the right."

Utena closes her eyes for the second time, exhaling. "You really don't
understand how I feel at all, do you."

Dios says, "How you feel is immaterial. Perhaps I can't comprehend it from
my position as a metaphor, perhaps it's not comprehensible. Don't forget,
Balance.. if we are children, then so are you."

Utena asks, "You just don't understand. I don't want one side or another
to win. Not when the cost is the whole world. I want peace, I want
cooperation.. I want everyone to get along as equals. Urd and her
sisters.. they have a family. What we are... if we're anything.. we're
like bickering children fighting over a single toy. Sooner or later the
parents will come in and smack everyone down. Do you really want THAT to
happen?"

Utena says, "No -responsible- parents let their kids tear each other apart
over something like this."

Dios ahs. "That won't happen. Not if Order wins. If he does, then he was
right, and there is peace and nobody is punished. The gods of gods of gods
will not care. This is a god of gods matter. It seems you've lost a lot of
what you were, Balance. Maybe you'd best go home. Your cookies are
burning."

Utena smiles wryly, pushing back from the table and standing. "I told you
I wasn't Balance. I don't like being defined. And not even you can tell me
entirely what I am or what I'm not. I don't think I've lost anything...
but if this stupid game is going to keep playing, then I'm going to take
the matter higher than any of us."

Utena says, "I feel so sorry for what happened to Dios. And I feel sorry
for you, too. Mistakes have been made and now everyone's suffering for
them. But no one's willing to forgive the mistakes."

Dios rolls his eyes. "What are you going to do, call mommy? You can't. Not
from this lower place where you stand. If anybody's being a child, it's
you. Run home." He waves his hand --and you're standing at the stove,
which you never left, and your cookies ARE burning.

Utena sighs and puts on a hot pad and removes the tray. They wouldn't have
burned if she wasn't taken away from them. It seems a dark but rather
heavy metaphor of the situation to her.

It feels like someone's behind you.

Utena looks behind herself because of that feeling. o.o

Sitting at the kitchen table is a little girl, with golden blonde hair and
highly mismatched clothing.. hands in her lap, swinging her feet gently.
Looking a bit ashamed.

Utena blinks. "... Chaos?" Giving her the proper name. She moves over to
the table, looking frowned and worried..

She doesn't confirm the name.. but it's her. In a form you remember, a
metaphor for god. For an entity. "..s'my fault," she mumbles. "It's all my
fault. I should just give in."

Utena says, "No. You don't have to give in, but..." She sighs in
frustration, dropping to her knees next to the girl, and reaching out to
take her hand. "This happens to human families all the time. Bickerings
like this. It's just.. usually someone has to settle things and make
peace. Everyone involved has been wrong. Totally wrong. I was wrong, you
were wrong, he's wrong..."

Utena says, "We acted because of who we are and we can't change it, but
we're not getting any better, either."

The little girl looks up a bit. "What'd I wrong? I just wanted my kids to
be happy and safe. He was hurting them. I didn't know what else to do."
She sniffs. "This is awful. I can't stop it. He's going to hurt me."

Utena puts her arms around the little girl. "Sssh... ssh now. I know you
felt that way, Chaos. I thought so too. But Order didn't ever have any
friends, and when someone doesn't have friends, they don't know when
they've gone too far. I think he honestly DID think he was trying to make
things better. I don't think he honestly meant to hurt anything. And you
were trying to look out for what was yours. Everyone was just trying to do
the right thing."

She hugs you.. needing a hug. Wanting comfort. "But now it's all bad. He
won't leave me alone. I don't know what else I can do. I wish my mommy was
here."

Utena stands up and picks you up with her, holding you tight and
comfortingly... that small maternal vein in her flared up when you cry and
sound so lost and small. It's always been there, part of her obsession to
help others... she whispers soothingly and rests her hand along your
forehead, "Tell me about mommy?"

( So different from the lake of chaos, that form of her.. perhaps a form
of her just so she CAN feel lost and small and afraid. So she can express
it. "Mommy's so nice to me. She loves me a lot. She's..." She tries to
find the words, but she doesn't know any good ones. "She's very big." )

Utena says, "I wish I could meet her." Utena sighs, and continues to
cradle you. "I wish we could all meet her together. She could make this
stop, couldn't she..." She kisses your forehead. "I know it's scary. I've
been trying to do my best, but I guess it's not as good as you hope."

The girl blinks. "You could try talking to mommy. She might not understand
you, but you're almost what I know who you are, right? My friend? Maybe
that would help."

Utena smiles, almost tearfully. "Of course I'm your friend. I want to be
everyone's friend." She hugs the little girl.

Utena . o O ( Does it ever stop? Is there anywhere in creation where
something's happy and at peace...? )

She shakes her head.. and extends her pinky finger. Hoping for the
response she's hoping for.

Utena smiles and takes the little girl's pinky with hers. She remembers
the dream, and the gesture, and the girl, and wants to calm her...

She smiles.. and her eyes light up. "It IS you. I thought it was. In some
way or another." Seems relieved, to be with you. "Maybe.. maybe you can
talk to mommy. I can't.

Utena lets out her breath, not feeling any different, but awareness tends
to be slow and filtering, not sudden. She shrugs her shoulders vaguely.
"I'd like to. But I don't know how to find her... can you give me any idea
at all?"

She nods! Smiles. "Get lost in a crowd."

Utena blinks several times. Trying to wrap her mind around that concept,
and not seeing how it relates.. but these days EVERYTHING isn't that easy
to understand. She just nods... not dismissing the words either. "Hey,
kiddo, you look tired. Do you want to rest? You can stay with me and
Reiko-chan and Xelloss if you want.."

The girl shakes her head. "I gotta go back to my home now. I rest there.
This is just an extension 'cuz I wanted to talk with you this way." She
hops down, and straightens her dress. "I'm sorry. I can't stay. But let me
know what mommy says." Smiles. "I'm still a little scared.. but my best
friend will help. She was always the smarter one." And she vanishes.

Utena closes her eyes. "I hope she is. I don't feel like I'm any better
off." She shakes her head and returns to the kitchen, doggedly determined
to make a batch of cookies that doesn't burn...

Utena pulls the tray from the oven, having devoted herself to the task;
it's perhaps small and childish, but somehow putting it all together,
mixing and folding and baking and producing a perfect sheet of
just-brown-enough cookies eases her spirits tremendously; she nibbles one
as they cool along the counter and she thinks about what Chaos said. To
get lost in a crowd...

Wordwise, it seems simple enough. Find a crowd that you can get lost in,
and get lost in it. WHY it has to be that way makes little sense, but she
said it so quickly and assuredly..

Utena thinks about it as she finishes off the cookie. Where's a good place
that's crowded to get lost in..? The university? There's always a TON of
people there..

Yes, but they aren't really in crowds. Unless it's a mob to sign up for
classes or whatnot. Markets, maybe? Busy, crowded cramped ones? Although
if it's cramped, you know where you are...

Utena scritches her head, at a total loss. She calls out to Xel idly,
*Hey, hon, you clear? I need a suggestion for something.*

*Yeah, I'm just dealing with a tricky nightmare involving mustard paste
and a large ant. what's up?"

Utena laughs at the mental image that forms as a result of that. *.. Uhm..
I need to find a good safe place to get into a big crowd and then get lost
in it. Please don't ask why... just wondering if you know of any place
like that.*

*Oh, that's easy. The Bazaar in Sailoon. It's a roving trade show that
goes from city to city and is roughly the size of a small town. You
wouldn't believe the bargains you can find.*

Utena grins internally, nodding. *Ooh. That's perfect. Can you give me
directions?*

*Hold on, let me patch you over to Ada.* Zap. *Hey, Ada? Can you look up
some of the folks dreaming in Sailoon and find the location with the most
stressed merchants with nightmares about being ripped off?*

Ada laughs. *That's easy. There's a huge CHUNK of 'em -here-.* She's
gotten back into the work, though she had to take some time off to get her
head back together after Order's little nightmare-sphere thing. She grins
across the connection and fires off the location to Utena easily, along
with a compressed package of highly toxic rumor from the land of dreams..
stuff she thinks will amuse Utena. Most of it involving various of the
more -interesting- nightmares Xel's been working. She's just bad that way.
^_^

Xelloss gets a sniff of that. *hey!*

Utena *LAUGHS* and files that away for later taunting with an internal
grin. *Got it. Thanks. I'm off. Might be a while, Xel, I'm going to try
and find the God of all Gods. Cookies at home on the counter.*

*Uh.. okay. Is this something dangerous you're doing? *

Utena smiles a bit, almost wryly. *let's just say I need to talk to Mom
and leave it there.* She hugs in spirit and decides that she doesn't want
to excessively burn out reality for this, instead fishing out that little
gold coin that Reason gave her a while back, the Sub Way token.

There WAS a spot on that map near the city in question.. it's only a short
ride away.

....a sprawl. One huge unorganized sprawl. Tents and booths growing up
like scattered seeds, people jockeying for position, elbowing.. thousands
of people. And amazing wares are available, magical goods, enchanted
swords, ancient artifacts.. most of the folks here are adventurer types.
And there are a LOT OF them.

Utena blinks. Lost in a crowd? Easy. Very easy. She merges into the flow,
and starts to let her mind as well as her body wander.. just keeping
enough attention to keep herself from walking into booths or people or
tripping over things... She does examine a few of the artifacts with
interest, but after a while your magic swords all start blurring together,
no matter how pretty they are or how far they can throw flame, and the
grails all start looking like the same wooden cup...

Blurring together just like the people. All identifiable, with scars,
eyepatches, neat costumes, spiffy hair, and so on.. but eventually one
large crazy blur of thrillseekers and profit hunters. None bothering to
look at you any more than they'd look at anybody else.

Until one does look at you.

Utena looks back, slowly. The face in the crowd that catches her
attention, when she realizes she's being looked at with something more
than just a passing flicker on the way to the next big sale on chain mail.

--and the person looks away once you look back, just another face in the
crowd. Then another looks at you.. and another. And, for one, terrible,
fleeting moment.. thousands and thousands of eyes look at you. Just for a
moment. Looking INTO you, AROUND you, INSIDE you... just to check who and
what you are. Then the traffic resumes its normal pattern like nothing
happened.

Utena locks up for a good few moments. A million eyes, shining like
colorless silver with points all turned on her... she freezes where she is
and blinks in blind panic... several times, until Chaos's words drift
back. Mommy loves her children. It's just that the human part of Utena is
clawing at the back of her mind in primal terror, that's all.. she tries
to slip back into the flow and lose herself again.

It works effortlessly. Nobody assaults you, nobody stares. Then.. someone
mumbles to you, as if it was just a bunch of words that happened to be on
their mind, not related to you. "You're looking for us," the person muses,
before blending back into the crowd, passing by you and doing all that in
a mere moment.

Utena speaks softly (part of her still trying to claw out of her skull
from the EYES EYES EYES) into the haze of colors and distinct shapes that
aren't distinct, "I wanted to meet you."

A passing woman comments, "It's unusual. Few even know to seek us out." A
little girl smiles at you briefly. "We guess she asked you." A man clears
his throat, while appraising a few magical rings. "Let's discuss this
elsewhere, okay?"

Utena nods, fine with that... commenting to a little boy that slips by her
waving a pennant, "Lead me wherever."

An old man behind a counter full of cups nods once to you before resuming
his sale. ...and it would be good to note that one of the ones there,
right before you're.. moved.. was in fact the One True Grail.
Unfortauntely, you'll never find it again, so it's probably best that you
don't know...

...and besides, you have more important concerns. Now, you're everywhere.
Everywhere.

Utena-chan staggers from the width and breadth of it... the human part of
her giving a low cry and collapsing in utter INABILITY to understand or
comphrehend even a few seconds of that... leaving only.. whatever else was
there.

And you're at the crossroads between Matherion and Darra now, with a
smiling Xelloss. Younger? When you first met him.. "Hello! Please don't be
alarmed, we have to talk through layers in order to understand you and for
you to understand us. One of the problems with our different modes of
existence."

Utena-chan smiles to the friendly face that she knows well. "Okay. It's
all right. I'm not alarmed. Well, I was, but now I'm fine." She gathers
her thoughts and walks along with the figure, her hands linked behind her
back.

And you're at the Little Things That Matter shop in Darra, with Love
reading a romance book behind the counter. "It's unusual. She usually
doesn't contact us while she's.." THE EYES Love thinks, then understands.
"'at school', as you see it."

Utena-chan nods. "But I wanted to come and meet you.." points of light
gleaming in the reflections of the eyes "... for myself too. As well as
for her."

In a comfortable, if messy, house. Death puts her hands in her pockets.
"Well, you're here now. We're not used to communicating this way, but
maybe we can help. Is there a problem? Why didn't her 'teacher' contact
us?"

Utena-chan sighs and gazes on Death. "... I don't know. Something's gone
so wrong. They're trying to break everything and won't stop fighting. Even
though we're all wrong, nobody wants to admit being wrong. Everyone wants
to be right. I guess me too." She sighs. "That's probably why I'm not
really helping the matter any. The rules of the sandbox are broken down.
No one wants to share or play nicely with each other."

Paradox shrugs. "It's not our problem. Kids have to learn somehow, even if
their toys are broken." Myth looks up from her writing. "You have a right
to exist, but your existence is part in parcel with their existence, and
you define each other."

Utena-chan shakes her head, "But they won't let me define them. They won't
play along. I tried to share and they wouldn't share. The toy that's
breaking is a lot more than just a little thing.. there's millions of
others involved."

Gaav stands in the sunken sea. "Millions of others are also not our
problem. We can't look out for everybody, only our kids. You have to be
able to help yourselves; there's gotta be a limit, you know. Are they in
danger or not?"

Utena-chan gazes down. "Order's going to put Chaos in that chair thing he
made and he might break her too in the process."

Reason taptaps a pen on her clipboard. "Chair thing? I'll need to study
this." And a moment... nothing. Nobody. Then... Nightmare. FROWNING. "That
can't be. He's not allowed to redefine who she is in that way. We do not
want our daughter subjected to that."

Utena-chan nods, nods! Even to the face of Nightmare, who's just a
metaphor, she knows. "I don't want him to. It's okay to try and learn, but
he could hurt her a lot worse than just playing.

Kaworu is there, now. "But he has one point. We can't claim if this is
meant to be or not. Even if it's unethical. We COULD intervene..." Myth
looks unsure of herself. "But how to do it?"

Utena-chan doesn't know either. She sighs and passes her hand through her
hair. "Is there anything in me that can be used to help? I don't really
know what I am, but I want to help."

Anshi, in repose. Thinking about it. "We're not certain. You are on their
level, but Order is a stubborn child, and Chaos feels powerless. She is in
danger. Someone must stop this, but it must be someone inside. You,
perhaps.

Utena-chan asks, "... what if I went into the chair instead?"

Xelloss looks concerned. "You would be in danger. That thing isn't safe
for anybody. It's a dangerous machine. Your place would be redefined."

Utena-chan says, "... I don't want to be defined. But it's better me than
someone else, isn't it? You know me, that's how I am. But I'd have to...  
just be pure me, and not anything else."

And then, you're at the battle with Gaav, with Giga Slave and Giga
Restoration. Arianna looks at you. "Pure you, Balance, would possibly be
what is needed. We can tell you what you need to do. You must turn the
Altar of Order from a device that contains Chaos to a device that takes in
Balance. Add an item to the completed altar which is a metaphor for your
being. That would probably do it."

(change the I's to We's. n.n;)

Dios sips his tea, in the shade. "But do not carry anything of Order or
Chaos with you when you enter the Altar. Give the key you hold to someone
you trust. It is the only thing that can set the prisoner of the altar
free."

Utena-chan says, ".. and abandon the helm of Chaos...." She nods slowly.
"I understand. I won't say I'm not scared. I'm really scared. But I'll
share.  Someone has to."

Someone you don't know.. a gaunt man, in a business suit, with bat's wings
faces you. "Be careful. A situation like this requires careful arbitration
and handling with extreme caution. The danger is high. But if you succeed,
she will be safe from Order." Paradox nods. "Don't contact us, The Many,
by this means again. It may upset things more than they are and if you are
what we know you are, you need you as you are. But please..." And your
mother smiles. YOUR mother. Your human mother...... smiles. And holds you.
"Give my daughter my warmest love.." The moment pauses.

Utena-chan's small-child self flings herself out of her own breast and
into her mother's arms and cries in fright and fear at everything she's
seen and become, but it all sinks away in the arms of her mother, who
kisses her and puts away her tears like one would put away unused things..
taking her hand and returning her to the one who holds her now with a
gentle word. Utena opens her eyes in the kitchen; she didn't move,
again... but tears flow down her face. Things are going to be painful from
here. But her mother loves her.

			          *

Seven days later. Utena gazes out slowly along the seashore, having
relocated herself here to a quiet spot where she's been in intense
meditation and thought for the last two weeks; she lifts her hand and
passes it through her hair. Everything's been decided... she knows there's
really only one thing left to do now. To fulfill all her promises and end
what she began, she needs the trickster.. and she needs to cast away the
vestiges of both Order and Chaos... the symbol of herself is now fixed in
her mind. She turns, with a reluctant sigh, from the golden light of the
sun setting over the waves, walks through the air.. and steps right back
to wherever Xelloss happens to be at the moment.

Xelloss shakes a pair of dice in his hand. "Come on seven, lucky seven!"
and throws them down the craps table. They turn up, a three and a four --
and the crowd goes nuts. He accepts a complementary drink from a hostess
in a bunny suit and continues. n.n

Utena grins quietly and taps Xel on the arm. "We're needed."

Xelloss looks up. "Hold on, I'm on a roll. If this keeps up, I can finally
build that large robot I always wanted." He rolls again.. seven! and rakes
in the chips.

Utena laughs. "All right." She's in no rush, anyway. She has the kind of
quiet calm that you generally get when you accept fate- a few minutes one
way or another isn't going to make any difference now. Besides, let him
enjoy himself.

Xelloss is totally oblivious to the situation.. too busy just enjoying
himself. He's been out and about lately, on errands, jobs, or just to have
fun.. not usually home. Maybe distracting himself. But that IS an
impressive pile of chips.

Utena casually sits down and watches the game proceed, with a soft, wry
smile. Funny thing about life, she thinks. Just when you've won...

"Craps! A loser." And Xel goes "..." as all his chips are raked away by
the dealer.

Utena looks over quietly, blue eyes fixed. "Sorry 'bout that, Xel."

Xelloss ehhehs. Rubs a hand behind his head. "It's okay, it was just half
the company treasury.."

Utena says, "It's not like it can't be replaced." She reaches out with a
grin and slips her arm around his, resting her head there a moment. "Work
calls. C'mon."

Xelloss sighs. "Eh, win some, lose some." He takes the one chip he's got
left and pockets it. "For a rainy day when I get a desire to buy a large
machine again. They're really neat things, I saw a demonstration in
Chaijung last week. So, what's on the docket?"

Utena says, "Couple things.." She says casually. "We need to talk to the
boss.. or, I do. Then you and I are gonna sneak into Breen and take care
of the altar once and for all."

Xelloss ahhhs. "I like the last part. What should we use? Laguna Avatar?
Planck's Implosive Quantum Singularity? Halloween?"

Utena laughs and reaches out, putting her hand up over your lips. "That is
a secret. C'mon. I need you around for this."

Xelloss perks an eyebrow. "If you insist." He raises his staff, and
translocates from the Bigtop Bigtop Casino to Ops, in the World of
Dreams... where business is back to normal. Order's troops have been quiet
lately, and the staff is largely pretending to ignore that the situation
exists.. it's easier that way.

Utena walks casually away from the large gambling-type crowd and toward a
quiet location, following you when you shift us to Dream, and puts a
little kiss on your cheek before she starts walking directly for the
Employees Only door. "Won't be but a few minutes, I think." It's important
to keep this from becoming dark, to her. She's pretty sure everything
she's devised will work, but if he breaks down... it'll all collapse with
him.

Xelloss remains unknowing, and smiling.. nodding once. He goes to annoy
Ada a little, as is his wont. ^_^

Xelloss exclaims, "Hey, I hear that they're making breast augmentation
spells!"

Ada sweatbeads. -.O "You aren't getting enough or something?" *peer*.

Utena laughs! and walks right on down to the Lord.

Or rather, up the stairs.. through Giga's Gate, the invisible spell that
nobody knows is there, except for you. To the lake. There are less tears
in it nowadays.. the Lord is more quiet than normal, but she is not
mourning any longer. Simply.. withdrawn.

Utena quietly approaches the lake, pausing for long moments just to take
in the sight. Everything feels like a farewell, despite her best efforts
not to see it that way.. she gazes quietly for a moment before opening her
mind and speaking in a soft tone. *You know why I'm here, don't you?*

The Lord responds.. perhaps not in the way you want. *The Breen are almost
finished gathering the Altar's parts. All they need now is a final bolt
that puts it all together. It's located in Chaijung. If you can keep it
away from them, this won't happen.* ...a lot of information, given how
little she usually imparts.

Utena nods slowly. *You know.* She recognizes the information for what it
is.. fear and the attempt to deny that something is going to happen. She
closes her eyes and takes in a long breath. *You have to let go of me,
Chaos. To fulfill the promise I made to you to save you, you have to let
go of me.*

*..it does not have to be that way. You can simply prevent the Altar in
the first place. You don't have to be destroyed by it. Nobody does. Don't.
Please don't.*

Utena-chan shakes her head, trying to keep her calm composure about her,
keep her cool. *It does have to be this way, and you and I both know it.  
Mother said as much.* The eyes, peering in and in... *I won't ever stop
being your friend. I won't break the promise I made. But I never promised
I could also keep you happy forever.*

*Nothing about this has ever been happy.* A long pause. Very long, as she
thinks.. and seems to give up. *Do as you must.*

Utena-chan turns her back, slightly. Her wings appear... but drop off from
her.. like a snake shedding skin, they fall off, gently wafting to the
ground, small, fading shapes glittering on the shore. *Just... please,
Chaos. Don't be angry. I'm not rejecting -you-. I'm just doing what I have
to do now. I'm always going to love you. Always.*

*...I realize. In part.. this is my fault. The wings could have been
yours. But they were not meant to be yours. Perhaps it was just wishful
thinking that if something fit, it was ideal.*

Utena-chan nods. *Maybe so. At any rate... it was worth the try. Maybe the
one that comes after me...* She smiles a little, and takes her leave,
feeling heavier for the loss, grounded. Wingless.

The wings melt, melt into liquid gold.. flowing back into the lake from
which they came. And the Lord of Chaos goes silent.

Utena-chan walks back through the door into Ops, and when she looks back,
she can't see the line of light around it any more... that door is closed
to her now. She fights back a stab of doubt and despair and in the space
of just a few seconds her face shows it.. but then quickly snaps back into
control and a casual sort of smile. "Hey. We ready?"

Xelloss looks up, after discussing the finer merits of stylishly revealing
dress with Ada. "Hmm? I suppose. Where to? There hasn't been any word from
Bugger about the Breen. He's been trailing them for awhile.

Utena-chan says, "Chaijung. The last part of the altar's still unfound.
Our job to find it. ^_^""

Xelloss oooohs. "Can we stop by the Mecha Pavillion? You've GOT to see
these things. They're really, really neat."

Utena-chan holds out her hand to you. It depends how closely you're paying
attention whether you'd realize she's no longer the chaos knight... She
tilts her head, a flow of pink over one shoulder. "Well, we'll see. If it
doesn't take too long."

Xelloss isn't really bothering to pay attention. He's very casual today.
He raises his staff, and teleports.. to a large festival. A festival of
robots. Golems are made of magic; these are not. There are snack vendors,
and plenty of oriental archetecture buildings.. and in the center of the
city, a large squared circle, where two twenty foot robots made of wood,
iron and brick square off. Steam pumps from pipes in the top of them. The
announcer belts something exciting in Chaijungese.

Xelloss exclaims, "Oh, the competition is today? Great!"

Utena-chan-is- impressed. She walks in along side, savoring the smells,
even the oil and ood fire and steam, as well as the exotic, spicy foods.  
It's a nice day. Irony, dear irony... rotten for days, but today, of
course... anyway, she's still working even if no one else is, and her eye
casts around for something that 'feels' like Order- now that she's wearing
the key and has no chaos to counter it, she's hoping the key will react in
some way to the presence of the bolt.

A nearby vendor offers you a spicy, sizzling... something on a stick.
Xelloss passes you a few coins in case you want to buy it.. but his
attention's focused on the ring. There, one robot, a large sumo model, is
getting ready to face an eight legged spider robot. The sumo bot is made
in the style of Chaijung, but the spider... there's a lot of metal there.
It looks a bit more like the sort of thing you'd find back home, if there
were giant steam-powered robots back home. The announcer calls. "Oshi
yamazo! Ri na fasola... SUMO-GOUKI!" The audience cheers, as the sumo bit
flexes an arm..... slowly. You get the feeling this technology isn't
really very feasible yet, but it's still good for fun. But no sing of the
bolt.. yet.

Utena-chan hands over the coins and takes the sizzling something, taking a
bite. Which is when she realizes her stomach is in knots. Oops.  
Nonetheless, once the knots sort themselves out, she's hungry, and this is
pretty good whatever it is.. she turns with her fiancee to watch the
creatures battle it out in the arena.

The announcer moves to introduce the other bot.. a hatch opens on it, and
the driver looks out, to wave to the crowd. Yes, he's definitely a
foreigner. "OSHII yamazo! Ri na sinola.. Dayvid Devince's SPIDAH-WALKAH!"
And the crowd cheers. Definitely the fan favorite. ...although, two
things. One, Xelloss just went very pale for some reason. Two.. you can
see it on the undercarriage of the spider, as it walks into place.. the
silver bolt of Order is being used to hold the robot together.

Utena-chan blinks at BOTH realizations and hisses softly. Her eyes flicker
toward Xelloss... when she wonders why he turned that white and stopped
moving... Words aren't going to reach him, she quickly flicks out her
thoughts. *Xel?*

Xelloss's mind is an unfortunate blank as well. *...* he's not SCARED..
but you can sense surprise there. Something he really, really wasn't
expecting to see...

The robots circle each other, slowly... this could take awhile. Neither is
a fast mover.

Utena-chan looks back again... toward the spider walker, as if she could
see through its surface... is it the bolt's proximity that's freaking him
out, or something else? She nudges his arm. "Xel!"

Xelloss eh? "Huh? What?" He glances over, and pretends like nothing's out
of the ordinary. Maybe it's not the bolt; he'd be more ready to act if it
was related to the job. "Yes?'

Utena-chan says, "Explanations, please. What just freaked you out?" If
he's not reacting like that from the bolt, then... well, she knows when
he's pretending to know something he doesn't. He freaked at the sight of
the driver... must be."

Xelloss ums. "Nothing, really, just... well. I wasn't expecting to hear
that name. Someone I know. Sort of." Nervous, now. Nothing dangerous,
but..  embarassing, maybe?

The sumo charges the spider. really. slowly.

Utena-chan says, "Well..." Utena says softly, "The bolt we need is holding
that spider together."

Xelloss ahs. "Yes. I see. Well. We'll just have to wait until after the
fight and retrieve it, then." Watching the spider.

Utena-chan glances around. Looking for that particular color of blue
uniform...

...yeah. They're across the way, previously obscured by the large sumo
bot, which has moved out of the way since.. Trevor Goodchild, in civilian
clothes, and three people who are obviously Breen goons. They don't have
the armor, but they chose to dress in blue, which is fairly stupid. But
that's goons for you.

Utena-chan GRABS Xel's arm. "Dammit, we don't have TIME to wait." She
grabs his chin and turns his head so that he can SEE Trevor and the
others.

Xelloss looks. "Oh. But.. wait, if we swipe the bolt, that thing'll fall
apart.." He's a little dazed.

Utena-chan says, "If we don't, REALITY falls apart." She shakes her
head...  he's not going to help. Lets go of his arm and glances around a
moment...  trying to get into a better position... then, realizing full
well this is going to cause an instant mess... well.. it can't be helped.
She concentrates, and folds herself a nice little null dimension wall..
and SLAMS it down over Trevor and the other goons.. (how kind of them to
all be standing around in one place...)"

Trevor frowns.. feeling it come down. He doesn't panick, even if the goons
near him do. He turns, to search.. and spots you. And glares. Snaps his
fingers.. and a crossbow bolt skims by your ear, embedding into the soft
ground of the circle. There must be Breen snipers around. Was the obvious
group a distraction? Utena-chan yelps and jerks her head to the side,
managing to get a small nick in her ear rather than the loss of say, her
entire left side... must have been, dammit. She fell for that one... and
she can't block what she doesn't know's around her... it galvanizes her
into motion; she bitterly regrets the loss of the wings now as she bolts
for cover (somewhere she can't be too easily picked off, one would hope)
and turns her mind toward figuring out how to get out of this and how to
get the damn bolt out... she could paradox-fold it out of the machine, but
she'd need cover while she was distracted...

There's plenty of cover; after all, you're in a crowd. Xelloss snaps out
of it enough to see you flee, if not see the bolt.. he ducks into the
crowd too. "Ah, what's going on?"

Utena-chan says, "They're here and they know, I need cover while I get
that damn bolt! I just need you to cover me..."

Xelloss frowns. Someone shot at you? NOW he's thrown into sharp relief,
looking around attentively. "Got it." He tosses an invisible blanket of a
shield over the general area of the crowd we're in.. when he stands up, a
bolt bounces off it harmlessly. "Go."

Utena-chan closes her eyes and stretches out her mind, performing the
long, intricate and EXTREMELY delicate nudgings required to pull that bolt
out of the machine and into her hands... this is trickier than usual,
because the thing is in motion AND holding together another large chunk of
reality...

The spider creaks, and moans.. part of the reason it's able to stand on
those spindly legs is the force of Order around it, keeping it stable. But
without the bolt.. when it does drop into your hands.. the thing breaks
down. Collapses on the spot. The crowd seems very confused -- Trevor
scowls. You beat him to it.

Utena-chan snatches the bolt up in her hand, tightly, and grabs Xel's
sleeve. "Get us clear of the area... fast!"

Xelloss says, "But Dayvid.." He glances back to the tank, bites his lip..  
and teleports off, back to Ops. Safe.

. well, at least for the moment. Utena is breathless and looks rather
dizzy and pale from the effort of pushing and bending reality like that..
but the reward is in hand... a thick four-inch bolt with a neatly
hexagonal head and thick threads... she turns it around in her hand a
moment, wondering how she's going to be able to taint this.. mark it
somehow?

Xelloss looks at it. "I've got a place we can lock that away more or less
forever. Then the Altar will be crippled."

Utena-chan shakes her head. "I've got a better idea."

Xelloss ohs? He lets what happened back there slide, for now. "Namely?

Utena-chan says, "We taint it. If we taint it, and give it back to them...  
it'll have a better effect. They won't be able to USE it, even though it's
completed. Just like poisoning the well.."

Xelloss grins. "I like that. Go dip it into the boss lady's lake. That'll
taint it." Hmm. "Actually, just take some water from it and pour. Let's
keep the parts away from her in total.

Utena-chan shakes her head. "It's got to be marked. I know what to do,
just.. not HOW to do it." She concentrates a moment and places an image
into your mind.. a simple spiral shape, that breaks off at the end,
looping around a few times. "We need to mark it with this mark. That'll
break down the altar's functioning."

Xelloss hrms. "Well.. these things aren't really scratchable. But maybe we
can paint it on, or use a decal of some kind?"

Utena-chan says, "You're the trickster, Xel. Think of a way to trick the
piece into working that shape into itself.."

Xelloss scratches his head. "The trickster's a bit out of shape, ne? Ball
and chain's kind of taken an edge off his game." Smirks. "Let's see..." He
takes the bolt away, and examines it.

Utena-chan baps gently, and laughs in a quiet manner. If he knew... well.  
Better he doesn't.

Xelloss hms. "It doesn't react well to chaos-based power. It can't be
physically modified. So, we need to hack into the thing, so to speak,
using Order's power.." Ah. He snaps his fingers. "We need a Mazoku."

Utena-chan blinks. "Geez, take your pick. Francois' Mazoku...

Xelloss nods. "And he's the friendliest of the bunch. At least, to us.  
Maybe you should take it to him, you know him better."

Utena-chan nods. "Fair enough." She takes the bolt back. "See? You haven't
lost your edge. It just has softer parts now." She grins wickedly and
turns on a heel, to walk swiftly through reality... not giving him time to
get a reply in edgewise...

Xelloss was about to make some sort of off-color joke about soft versus
hard, but unfortunately, you cut him off. Arriving at the gates of....
of.. This isn't Dis. Dis is highly organic. It looks like a modern city.

Utena-chan blinks.

The two guards, one of which is always asleep and the other is playing
games, aren't here. They've been replaced by a small bell, with a brass
plaque. Ring Bell for Service.

Utena-chan glances at the bolt of order suspiciously... "Damn it, don't be
a pain in the ass right now." She frowns and pockets the thing in her
jacket before walking over to ring the bell. What the hell happened down
here?

Some time passes, after you ring.. then a fuzzy, fuzzy voice replies.
#Hell. Can we help you?#

Utena-chan says, "... I want to see Francois. It's Utena."

` #Francois? Hold on, I'll check.# ...soft music plays. For two minutes.
Then the voice returns. #Sorry, nobody here by that name. Unless you mean
an inmate?#

Utena-chan . o O ( DAMN it.  )

Utena-chan presses the button again. "Who's in charge down here now?"

` #Well, Vice Manager Fitzroy is currently in his office, or you can talk
to Hellmaster Gangrel, but he may be busy..#

Utena-chan asks, "Can you check and see if there's an inmate by the name I
mentioned?"

` #Sure, one second.# Seven minutes of irritating music, now. Then..
#There are four hundred and nine Francois's. Which one do you want
specifically?#

Utena-chan *Xel, Francois isn't in charge down here any more...
something's happened. I think he's an inmate now... I may need a rescue.
Keep lines open?*

*What?* Alarmed. *Are you in danger? Get out, if you are. I'll have Ada
keep a line on you.*

Utena-chan shakes her head. *I don't know if I'm in danger or not. I'm
going to try a direct move to him if I can. They may not like it, though.*
She looks at the ceiling for no clear reason... then gathers will and
attempts to nudge herself to wherever he's ended up.. she and he DO share
blood, after all... that gives her a slight edge.

...it's farther than you suspect. Very far. In fact, you move from the
shores of hell to the shores of.. some tropical beach. The sun blindingly
bright, the sky and water blue.. and a small hut nearby made of straw and
wood. Um. Well, that's definitely a relocation..

Utena-chan blinks and steps along the shore, her feet moving gently into
the sand and leaving small indentations behind her... the sun warm... what
the hell? She approaches the hut as it's the only clearly visible
structure, calling out softly, "Francois?"

No response.. except for light snoring. Inside, it's an artist's
hideaway.. a painting of a sunset on an easel, clothes lying everywhere..
and Francois, in beachcomber's duds, sleeping in a hammock. He looks..
remarkably stress free, considering the last times you saw him. What's
going on here?

Utena-chan has this crazy flash.. did he QUIT? Give up being a Mazoku and
walk? Or is this his prison? She has no way to know, but walks over, and
gently taps him on the shoulder, looking down into the hammock. "...?"

He's in such a deep sleep, that he barely notices the tap. Then he creaks
one eyelid open, to glance.. and THEN his eyes go wide. He topples out of
the hammock in a panic. "U-U-Utena?!"

Utena-chan waves her hands quickly. "Hey, hey! Calm. Friend." She smiles a
little, and holds out her hand to help him up after that nasty twist-spill
out of the hammock. "You okay? What HAPPENED?"

Francois stands up, quickly. "..you just surprised me, is all.." Looks
away. He still has some shame for what happened between you two.

Utena-chan shakes her head in a touch of frustration, there's no TIME for
that, and she forgave him a while ago.. "What happened here?" she asks
again. "It looks like paradise. I went down to Dis looking for you, but
they said you weren't there any more.."

Francois nods.. nods. Realizing what you mean now. "I got out of my
contract. Left. I'm on the east side of your continent now.. just
painting.  Me and my art.." Looks over at his easel.

Utena-chan says, "... You're not a Mazoku any more?" Utena looks.. not
entirely surprised, after all, didn't Xel do it? It IS possible to
escape."

Utena-chan smiles. "I think that's wonderful, if it's true... You were
really too good for it."

Francois smiles a bit. "It's true.. I wasn't cut out for it. So the
Advocate negotiated my way out of the contract with Shaburanigdo. He was
really impressive. I never had legal counsol before!"

Utena-chan says, "Wow. That's... really something." She's happy for you,
but her sadness shows a little in her eyes. "Of course, that makes things
harder for me.. but it's not your fault." She sits on the edge of the
hammock, carefully, and her eyes flicker over the paintings... all
reflecting such tranquility and peace.. she almost loses her control
again, almost, for a moment. And then clamps back down, the bolt shining
in her hand when she gazes lovelessly at it. "I was hoping you could help
with this... I guess we're back to square one, though."

Francois looks at it. "If it's anything you need a Mazoku Lord for.. you'd
have to talk to my replacement, or something. Sorry, Utena. I'm just a
normal guy now. Like you."

Utena-chan says, "What I need is a way to taint this thing so that it'll
bear my mark... but I don't know how to do it, and I don't have all the
time in the world to figure it out... I'm no longer connected quite as I
used to be to the Mazoku Lords..." Pause. "Well, I could try Jack, he
might do it just for the laugh it'd give him to watch me get nailed. He'd
like the irony." She shakes her head and grins. "I'm glad that you're just
yourself now, though."

Francois doesn't quite understand. "Why not take it to Gangrel? He's good
at taking up causes, if you can pay his fees."

Utena-chan sighs. "I don't have time any more. I don't have any more life
to give to payments and causes. I'm going to be gone soon.. as soon as I
do what I need to do with this, Francois."

Francois now understands. Or understands part, at least. "..you're going
to die?" he asks. Small voice. "But.. but why? For what purpose?"

Utena-chan grins a little wryly and sadly. "Saving the world, like usual."

Utena-chan says, "I don't regret it. I'm just.. having to hold back the
truth from Xel, and that's getting harder and harder to manage."

Francois looks down, a bit. "..maybe you should see Jack, then. I don't
get what's going on, but.. but you were always wiser than me, so I trust
you.  Hurry, if you don't have time."

Utena-chan says, "I can't have him breaking down on me, I need him to make
it through this or I can't succeed." She has a sudden thought though...  
"Will you keep something for me?"

Francois huhs? "Of course.. what?'

Utena-chan reaches up behind her head and her fingers plunge into her
hair, unclasping the necklace with the altar's key on it... "What I'm
asking you is really important. You have to keep this safe and not lose
it, and not let anyone else have it, ever... I should give this to Xel,
but... I need someone who's going to have a cool head." She holds it out,
but it's up to you whether to take it or not. "This is.. it's the key to
the altar of order. It can't EVER be used... not even to release me. If
anyone tries to talk you into using it, you have to tell them no and KEEP
saying no."

Utena-chan says, "Not even to release me. That's what I ask. I can't ever
leave that altar once I enter it."

Francois's stomach sinks with the weight of responsibility. "..me? You
want me to hold something that important?.." He looks very much unsure.
"But..  but I mean.."

Utena-chan winks a little, and puts the key in your hand. "You've got some
of me in you. I trust you. Besides... if you want, bury it, in a few days.  
Bury it and forget where you put it... bury it deep, or throw it into the
sea, or something... just so that it's NEVER found. If I try to get rid of
it, I won't be able to forget where it ended up.

Utena-chan says, "If I give it to Xel, or anyone that is closely tied to
me, they'll try and USE it to free me.. and that will ruin everything."

Francois's hand dips from the key's seeming weight.. then he gets an idea.  
He doesn't tell it to you -- not if you want to not know where it goes. "I
can handle this," he says. "I think I know how. Okay. I'll do it fast,
too."

Utena-chan nods. "Wait a couple of days. It's still being searched for. In
a day or two, though, it won't MATTER." She smiles, and looks at your
paintings again. "They're really beautiful, you know... you really paint
well."

Francois looks back at his work.. "I couldn't really make them this way as
a Mazoku. I can now. I'm glad, for that, above anything else." He sighs.  
"It was worth it. It was worth exchanging my post for. All of it."

Utena-chan says, "It's always worth it." She smiles, and reaches over to
hug you briefly. "Thanks for taking care of this for me. Just remember.  
Don't let ANYONE have its location, don't relent for anyone, no matter
what they show you or how hysterical they are or how much they yell or
scream about it. I know I'm asking a lot, and it's not very fair of me.
But this is too important. That's all." She grins, then, and turns to
depart, moving quietly through the little artist-hut toward the door."

The beach is quiet, outside.. evening starting to come in. Very pleasant.
And Francois had a look of seriousness, when you left.. he'll do as asked.
And it won't be a problem anymore. Not a sour note in the song so far.
Except one.

"Hooee! You have something BIG planned, don'cha?"

Someone hops off the hut roof.

Utena-chan doesn't look back, just walks on the shore, meandering a little
toward the water, "Yes, Jack." She says calmly. "I do. You're part of it
too. Care to learn how?"

Jack skips along next to you, absolutely giddy. "Of course, of course! I'd
LOVE to help. This is helluva controversial. I'm in like Flynn."

Utena-chan stops where she is, flicks her wrist slightly to make the bolt
appear.. "Poison the well. If you want to help cause controversy, I need
this thing to be tainted. It should be really simple for someone with your
talent."

Utena-chan says, "Consider it the ultimate slap in the face of Order."

Jack snaps his fingers. "Easily done. I can dig it. I like this universe
as screwball as it is, and despise Order. Only one thing I'll need done
first." Utena-chan naturally looks suspicious. "That being?"

Jack grins evilly. Well, mock-evilly. "Sleep with me."

Utena-chan doesn't looks surprised. "No deal. I can find someone else to
do this, you know. I thought of you, but you're not the only Mazoku in the
universe that'd like to see me disappear."

Jack pouts. "Come on! Once more, for old time's sake, before you get the
chair. I've still got a speck of Dynast in me, you know."

Utena-chan says, "Not interested." She waggles the bolt around. "I guess
I'll just have to let someone else have the honor of smacking Order in the
face and getting rid of me once and for all... I imagine, whoever could
present THAT to the Mazoku'd get a nice fat promotion.."

Jack hmphs. "You're a cold bitch, you know. Just a blowjob would do. It's
not like you'll have any more chances for a good lay... fine, fine. Gimmie
the bolt, I'll do it."

Utena-chan looks at her nails. "Been there, done that." Doesn't hand over
the bolt yet. "There's a certain way you have to mark it."

Mr. Duck watches you.

Jack asks, "Yeah, what?"

Utena-chan draws a little spiral in the air, her finger leaving a faint
glowing trail showing the design. "Doesn't matter whether you reverse it
or put it in sideways or upside down, but if you don't use this mark,
Order doesn't get the smack in the testicles."

Jack grins. "Whatever, dollbaby. I'll put the smack down on him real
good."  He takes the bolt, and pauses.. "This isn't easy, of course. I
gotta go against my chaotic nature and use Mazoku powers, which are more
ordered, in some aspects.." He focuses.. and burns the mark into the
metal, using a precise laserlike beam..

Utena-chan watches attentively, and grins anticipatorily in the fading
light as the Mazoku Lord traces the pattern she saw in a vivid flash after
gazing a little too long into the sun only a couple of days ago.. the
golden spiral, perfect order and chaos in balance, ending in chaos,
beginning in order... it's the perfect symbol for someone in the middle of
both, capable of being either. She waits until he's finished, then takes
the small bolt back from him.

Jack has no clue what it means. Just like Xelloss, just like Francois..  
you're the one controlling the plan, even if others are helping. He just
grins stupidly. "Sure you don't want a smooch before departing to kick ass
and take names?"

Utena-chan laughs. "No thanks. But be content. You just helped me rock the
heavens and screw over the gods and their happy little plans for reality."  
She winks, and walks off. "You've fulfilled your purpose."

Jack ehs. "That feels good, but a lay would really cap it off." He kicks a
seashell. "I'm really influenced by Dynast's helm. It crimps my style,
sometimes. But hey, what can you do?" He vanishes, leaving behind his
Duck.

Utena-chan blinks and picks up the Duck, gazing at it, and up into the
sky.  "You left your Duck!"

Mr. Duck says, "I figured I'd warn you about the understudy, but I can go,
if you want." Then.. the rubber duck vanishes.

Utena-chan blinks. "... understudy? Hey, WAIT!"

You're talking to a now nonexistent rubber duck. And he's the insane one?

Utena-chan blinks again. "..." Then shakes it off... water off her
back?...  and leaves, the bolt faintly warm in her hand.. the instrument
of her final play against Order... she opens Giga's Dream and walks
smoothly back into Ops, not letting that curious warning distract her- the
path is set, now..

Xelloss says to Ada, "You know, they make an ointment for that now."

Utena-chan calls, "Do I even WANT to know?" and shakes her head, laughing
softly. "Everything's set, now. Can you guys find Trevor for me?

A klaxon sounds. A loud one.

Ada grumbles. "... you're gonna NEED ointment after I kick your... oh, hi,
Utena. n.n;"

Ada jumps up and runs to monitor post 2 when the alarms go off.

Xelloss blinks. o.o He looks at the big board. "...oh my. Um. Well, I
think he's in Breen's capital city, Utena." You know, where that large
silver cloud is starting to form.

Utena-chan mms. "Yep, sure does." She pauses a moment, amidst the sudden
storm of noise and colored lights... "Xel, I have to go. Gotta go drop off
this little baby... that'll keep them off your back here." She leans up on
tiptoes and kisses him, because she isn't sure she'll get to again-
therefore it's a warm kiss, not a brief peck.

Xelloss blinks. "Whoa, hold. I'm coming with you. You need backup. Ada,
lock down Ops and get everybody here."

Utena-chan shakes her head. "Not needed, Xel. I can just drop this thing
off and run."

Utena-chan drops back to the heels of her feet, grinning calmly.  
"Everything's ready now."

Utena-chan says, "We WANT them to get it, remember? It's tainted. Jack
took care of it."

Xelloss senses something's amiss. "Okay.. but Ada's keeping a line on you.  
Just in case it's an ambush..." Looks back at the screen.. where the cloud
of Order is spreading. It doesn't look happy. "That's not a good sign. And
that's where you're going."

Utena-chan says, "I know. Don't worry about anything, Xel. Everything's
going to be fine, now.." She lingers a moment, fighting with herself.. she
could tell him.. but what POINT would there be? It'd just make him hurt,
especially right now, as he's under stress... Better not to say... even if
it means he doesn't get to say goodbye.. would she WANT that? She presents
a smile, and turns, to walk out."

Xelloss speaks up. "..Utena?"

Utena-chan looks back, "Yeah?"

Xelloss ahs.. "I just.. wanted to tell you something. That person who was
running the spider tank? ...it was my son." He looks nervously. "Just felt
I should come clean on that."

Utena-chan blinks. "... Why didn't you tell me about it before?" she asks
softly.

Xelloss shrugs.. "It wasn't good timing. I don't know. It's not something
I tell a lot of people." He sighs. "Sorry, this isn't good timing either.
I just felt like.. I'd better say it now."

Utena-chan gathers her resolve and speaks a well-intentioned lie...
"Well..  we can talk about it later, Xel. After this is over." She lifts
her hand toward her head, giving a playful salute of sorts with two
fingers, going out smiling... she won't let it show at all. Not a hint.
Then she's gone.

The room of the altar.. it's permiated with Order. Thick, like silver
mist. It's a mist that's rolling through all of Breen right now.. you're
deep underground, but you can hear the confusion on the surface, people
running one way, then the other.. something's wrong. You can FEEL Order.
He knows what you're trying to do. And he is going to try and stop you.

Utena-chan smiles softly, approaching the altar with the bolt in her hand.  
"What exactly are you going to do about it?" She asks the swirling sense
of the air around her. "If you don't let me fit the last piece in... your
altar won't work. And you can't make another piece to take the place of
this one.. you don't have that kind of power any more. That's why you had
to FIND the pieces rather than just make one fresh. Face it... you know
perfectly well I've won."

...I WILL TELL XELLOSS WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO. AND WHAT IT WILL DO.

Utena-chan says, "That won't change anything. Even if you tell him, it'll
hurt him, but he'll STILL GO THROUGH WITH IT." She walks calmly toward the
altar, feeling the bolt starting to vibrate in her hand.. tainted or no,
it wants to join with the rest of the parts... far be it for HER to stop
that from happening now.

The mist swirls, curls.. tries to stop you. But it can't stop you from
touching the parts of the shining silver altar.. the bolt, which screws
onto the back of it, or any other parts. And this world is too chaotic for
him to do much, not directly, like this. STOP. STOP THIS. IT'S NOT YOUR
FIGHT. THIS HAS TO BE PROVEN, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, OR IT WILL NEVER END.

And now.. a frantic voice. Xelloss. Order must have carried through.
*Utena? UTENA! What are you doing?!*

Utena-chan says, "Anyway, you think this is going to stop anything?" She
smiles. "Of course it's my fight. I'm Balance. And I'm going to MAKE
Balance, for once and for all, just as Mother showed me." The memory of
eyes. She walks over closer, letting the assembled altar start to tug on
her... *I'm sorry, Xel. I had to lie to you. But it'll be fine.* She
smiles. *It'll be fine. I promise that.*"

The tug is irresistable. And slow. Starting to fade into the chair, to
slide backwards into it.. the silver all-encompassing, trying to stop you,
unable to stop you. Xelloss's shouts from some distant link, pleading, not
understanding, begging.. but the Altar is all. And it's changing. It's not
Order's anymore. It's yours. The color changes.. from silver to a more
brassy color, between silver and gold..

Utena-chan laughs, softly, and happily... content in the melting and
fading.. as she settles herself easily into the chair, it feels
comfortable and right because it's a thing of hers, the manacles closing,
locking her away.. a swirl of momentary, VAST regret and loss, almost
enough to break the world and everything in her, a singular deep wracking
mental and physical choked-out sob of agony at what she has to give up and
leave behind... but this, balanced perfectly by a great and vast,
unassailable simultaneous calm, this is her purpose, above all other
purposes. She prays she was correct and that she was/is doing the right
thing...

For a long time.. silence. Balance and equilibrium in nothingness, calm
and despairing, quiet and intolerably quiet at once. Then.. you can feel a
touch. A touch of something.. else, some other aspect. Metaphors start
sliding into place like locking bricks, to translate a concept alien to
your current body into something it can communicate with.. the world snaps
into a new being.... an office. You're sitting in a chair, a simple
plastic one, but it still feels like the altar that is your eternal home.
Across from a desk. A sign on the desk reading THE PRINCIPAL.

Utena-chan looks over the desk, her arms resting along the chair's arms,
one leg crossed over the other, feeling small again.. actually, she's the
little girl in the black dress again... hoping she's not in too much
trouble now, she waits anxiously.

The Principal sits back.. a mature woman, in her fifties. Looking at you..
and to the left and right of you, to Chaos and Order. All three a bit
sheepish to be here. "So..." she says. "Seems there's been a disagreement,
students. And now, one of you is trapped in this matrix of altered design.
Your parents are going to be very upset."

Utena-chan says softly, "I don't have any parents to be upset. They died.  
It's okay to be like this, isn't it? I don't want to be trouble. I'm just
trying to keep things even."

The Principal rises, and walks in front of her desk.. squats down a bit,
to be on level with you kids. (Chaos said once, that being a god, it's
just a matter of 'where you stand'.. in relation to others. Is this
similar?) "You've done a good job of that. One or the other of these two
would have been made to stand elsewhere, if it went through. But you've
sacrificed yourself in the process."

Utena-chan shakes her head a little. "Uhm..." She looks at the others, to
the left and right of her. "But isn't Balance supposed to be always in the
middle? If Balance moves away, then it's not Balance any more, it's
something else. I'm scared.. but what other choice is there? Nobody else
can do what I'm doing. And they won't stop fighting any other way... I
took away their way to fight with each other..." Her small voice is
undeniably scared and seeking validation for what she did.

The Principal takes you words seriously. "That is true. You have to be in
the middle of all things. And you do this voluntarily." She looks at the
other two.. "If anybody is to be punished, it's you two. But this is your
punishment; to know that she did what you could not. You were trying to
prove who was the greater of the two of you? If you insist that there has
to be a greater.. Balance is it. Above Chaos and Order. And what she's
done is something neither of you would have. You may leave, knowing that.
And attempt to avoid confrontations in the future, please, so we don't
have a repeat of this incident."

Order frowns.. but says nothing. He won't admit defeat or success in this.
He turns, and leaves silently.. glaring at you, as he goes, but unable to
do anything else.

Utena-chan shivers a little at the cold look. "... someone told me that
there was going to be a... uhm.." As she tries to remember the word it
fades out of her mind, and she can't speak it. But she struggles to get
the meaning across anyway.. ".. followup. He'll try again.."

Chaos stays.. but is quiet. Looking very ashamed.. glancing at you, from
time to time.

The Principal sits behind her desk. "Not in this way, he won't. This was
an illicit manuver, and has resulted in penalty. He won't persue it."
Looks at Chaos. "You may go, Chaos."

Chaos ums.. "I'm sorry," she says, in a very, very small voice. "I'm
sorry.."

Utena-chan smiles. "It's okay. I'm happy to be this way." Maybe the quaver
in her voice belies that, but... "... I'm just sad that I have to leave
all my friends. I wasn't very fair to them. I had to lie and trick them,
especially Xel-chan. That wasn't very nice." She hangs her head, the
little girl in her chair. "I feel bad about that."

The Principal taps a pen on her desk, thinking. "Chaos, please leave. I
have to talk to Balance alone." Chaos knows when to obey.. she flashes an
apologetic smile.. and leaves. The Principal closes the door.

Utena-chan blinks, looking in some surprise. What more could there be?  
Everything's over, now, isn't it? For her, anyway.

The Principal walks in front of you, and squats again.. eyelevel. "Being
Balance means being of two natures in equal weight. Which is why your
duality allows you to be human and god of god, in the terms of this
metaphor.  Right now, you have your human form and your god of god self in
this trap."

Utena-chan looks down. "... I thought my human self would probably die
after a while. Uhm.." She nibbles her small lip. "... you're right,
though.  I don't know what to do about that. I wasn't thinking that far
ahead."

The Principal.. smiles. "You're young. Youth don't think too far ahead.
When you get to be my age, this sort of thing is easier to handle." She
turns serious. "Because of what you are, there is a way for you to remain
in the focal point of your Altar of Balance, and for you to rejoin your
human life. After all, yes and no are not mutually exclusive concepts,
especially for you."

Utena-chan snatches at it, as the mentioned human self rears up her head
at the thought of not being completely lost in this tangle of divinity and
reality cross currents.. undeniably, her eyes light with painful hope.  
"Uhm.. how can I do that?"

The Principal says it simply. "Your human self is pregnant."

Utena-chan blinks. "... She is?" She hadn't any idea. She looks down at
her small form, tiny stomach. "... oh no. She is.." The second time, it's
not a question. Knowing that would have changed things...

The Principal shakes her head. "It's not a normal pregnancy in terms of
human events. Because of what you are. But it is an escape, for you. You
can seperate yourselves, exist in two places at once.. as a god's body in
the altar, and as a newly born human. You're the one who has to make it
happen. I just thought I'd tell you, since you didn't seem to realize."

Utena-chan nods slowly, redness in her tiny face suffusing her childlike
form almost from scalp to ankle. "I should have figured... I didn't even
think about it..." She's embarrassed she went and did something so drastic
with her human form in a condition... slowly, the little girl-goddess
nods.  "I... is it okay to do that? I mean, I guess I have to, but.. isn't
that kind of destroying whatever that life might have been to take place
of it..?"

The Principal folds her arms. "Maybe. But maybe your body did this
specifically so you'd be able to go on, after what your self knew it
needed to do. With your nature, ultimate balance is possible, including
something like this. It's up to you. But I can't help you more; you have
to go soon.  The Altar is moving you away from school, and you can't
return. You've graduated early, and have a role to fill now." You can feel
things fading..  going away.

Utena-chan feels a wild and desperate stab from her human side, reaching
out frantically to wrap itself around ANY chance to escape, it doesn't
WANT to go calmly into the night, it wants to LIVE, and whatever backlash
is going to hit her for being selfish like that will hit her... the little
girl is suffused with fear and not-fear, calm and utter terror, two sides
strobing and swirling in balance around the center. It makes her head
hurt, makes her feel split and WANT to be split up, so she can get down to
doing what she needs to do.. there's frustration and a kind of pushing
sensation.. of course, human babies aren't born screaming for no reason.  
But it's tiring effort, tiring like moving the world... doing anything in
flesh is so.. frustrating. Like trying to shape dry sand with her little
hands... to make a shape in it, but the sand keeps MOVING.. it's
frustrating work.

The Altar sinks backwards.. back to the Breen secured room. Although it's
also not that room. It's your own world of Balance, self-made,
encapsulated in the Altar. But one self of you at minimum will stay there
forever. As for the other self, the one trying to escape.. it's an uphill
struggle. But a possible one. With effort. And emotion.

Utena-chan has plenty of that. Stripped down to bare human essences,
that's all there IS. Swirling, almost crazy levels of emotion... it takes
more than just willpower alone to fling oneself willingly into the world..
she's literally screaming and fighting for her life. Struggling inside of
a perfect and calm shell... screaming to be let out, as the god-of-god
self sinks down quietly into the night, ironically opening the way if the
human self wasn't hysterical with fright and anger and mourning and unable
to SEE a clear path... It feels like climbing an impossible mountain
barehanded, cutting her fingers bloody but still pushing and trying. She
doesn't want to be this thing sitting here quiet and good, she doesn't
want to behave and give in, she wants to LIVE, even if that's full of pain
and mistakes and shouldn't be... And of course, to maintain balance there
couldn't be any other sensations present. But she has nothing to anchor
herself to beyond the perfectly balanced altar...

The god-of-god self, the one with the eyes, sitting in the altar in Breen,
can perceive things around her. Can see a wall collapse to atomic
particles, and Xelloss enter.. and gape in horror, and what's happened.
He's torn and bloody, having fought his way here.. and now he has no way
to free you. He doesn't have the key. And he KNOWS he can't cut open the
altar.. sinks to his knees. Unbelieving of his own stupidity..

The eyes-self Utena is sleeping now, though what she sees is fed into her
human self.. who promptly starts to scream even LOUDER, trying to get his
attention... help me, I remember you, dammit, help me...! She strains, it
feels like it takes everything in her, flinging her hand out, wanting to
punch through, and be heard, her voice a torn, raspy scream, Xelloss! SAVE
ME!

But Xel is lost. His mind floats without a paddle, not knowing any way to
save you.. even if he hears some vague echo of your words, assuming them
to be his own thoughts, his own desire to free you. He summons a Laguna
Avatar.. then realizes, if he destroys your human body, it won't help..
puts it away. The key. He needs the key, but.. he SWORE he had it, but..

No, dammit, you don't need the key, I'm TRYING to get out, can't you HEAR
me..? She drags herself with a titanic effort of frustration and need of
escape, through the tunnel, into the light... 

by the way, Xelloss.. as you look on, examining this situation from every
angle trying to find it's solution.. the form that rests in the chair..
her hair turns white, her human form starting to .. collapse, as she pulls
more out and into the new form she's trying to generate.. it's painfully
like watching something die and be reborn at the same time... as she pulls
more and more into trying to be reborn, naturally the form that was there
is going to have to pass away... 

Xelloss's eyes widen.. seeing Utena start to grow old, and fade away,
while in the chair. He desperately reaches for her hand.. and sees
something. That something's coming, not just something going. Perplexed,
he stares..

There's..it's nothing as dramatic as an explosion of light or sound..
nothing like that at all. But.. it's a sigh. A quiet letting go. The
white-haired Utena folding back quietly, aged her natural life and beyond,
vanishing, shriveling away.. though the -idea- of her remains in place,
like the wings of Chaos, like a divine ghost... and like a flower that
divine image then splits... giving forth something inside that SCREAMS
WITH ALL ITS MIGHT... you suddenly know, Utena was pregnant... as the
scream tilts from that of a human child's first breath WAIL to something
older... an infant appearing curled up tightly in the ghost's lap... which
quickly outgrows chair, outgrows lap, still WAILING but it's now a young
child's voice... and it keeps on screaming, a sheer scream of ragged,
sore-throat defiance, until it's too big to rest over the chair any more,
and slumps to the ground exhausted and shaking, a small pile of cream and
pink colors at your feet...

Xelloss isn't good at dealing with things like that. He just.. stares, in
perplexed horror, at the transformation.. at the ghost-self in the chair,
and at this child.. he kneels down, quickly.. to check on the child's
health. Realizing now that this is Utena's child.. but what happened to
Utena? He'll try to remain calm. Try VERY hard. Until he learns what's
going on. Then he'll panic.

You guess her at about.. 10? 12? But it's hard to tell clearly, like
there's a kind of unreality, an unsolidness about her... she always DID
defy reality, and this is no difference... she hasn't 'settled' yet, too
tired from the sheer act of giving birth to herself... She's breathing,
but harshly, and absolutely perfect.. ironically, her hair's straight
again, like it was when you first met her... or is this Utena at all? It's
clearly female.. clearly her blood, her elfin build, her slender neck,
delicate hands and regal features...

Xelloss takes off his robe, and wraps it around.. Utena? before speaking.  
"....Utena?" He has to check. To be sure. He's got a vague idea now. Two
selves, human, god.. she's always like that. Did they split?

Utena-chan moans softly. "..." She shivers into the cloak, feeling the
warmth; her pale, perfect fingers reach up and clasp it around herself..  
that encephalous, huge-eyed face turns toward you.. there's a moment where
it's clear she doesn't recognize you. But, as horrible as it might seem,
it's only a moment, before things start swirling into her eyes... she DOES
recognize you. You can see that.

Xelloss sighs, in relief.. picking up Utena, keeping her resting in his
arms. He looks back to the ghost.. feeling cold, looking at it. "...let's
go home." He turns, and walks out of reality.. not to Ops. Back to the
Sanctuary.

Utena-chan is definitely smaller.. and once or twice you have this
unnerving sensation that your hands are going to go right through her...  
but in the brief time of transition between here and there... by the time
you're in the Sanctuary and Utena feels herself on home ground... she's
solid, and she's back to just off the cusp of 16 as her body finally
stabilizes into reality.. balanced out fully. She stumbles though, as if
she's forgotten some things, or her new body isn't quite done inside.. her
movements stumbling, she has to lean on you intensely, the perfect,
slender legs shaking like a newborn doe's.

Xelloss doesn't get a good enough look, until after the solidification is
complete.. and is relieved to see you back to normal. He helps you onto
the bed, to rest.. standing isn't advisable, yet. Sits next to the bed.
Takes one, long exhale. Then passes out where he sits from stress, shock
and trauma. x.x

Utena-chan O.o "... Xel!" She sort of drags herself over the short
distance to that side of the bed, her body's acting funny, not obeying her
commands correctly. Her mind is there, but her body is a different story..
she bypassed 16 years of subliminal, subtle physical training, and she's
going to have to relearn some things... in a fashion she manages to nudge
him..

"... wake up.." her voice edged from screaming, sore throat.

Xelloss teeeeeters over.. and falls out of his chair. WHAM. Well, it wakes
him up, at least. "Ehh?" Stands, quickly. "..Utena." And not sure what to
say, beyond that.

Utena-chan fumbles around a little, clearly having trouble getting her
body to do what she wants. She manages to pull a blanket over her form,
and then just looks back at you. Her eyes are very clearly Utena's eyes..
she's not a raw child, a new soul. She's clearly Utena. The sorrow and
pain she feels at the lies she had to tell you- and herself-, the
frustration in her body's apparent lack of motor control... the hoping and
fear and praying that you understand why it had to be as it was... it's
all there...

Xelloss has time now to assess the situation.. and remember the lies. He
doesn't harden.. he almost sinks, a little. But.. looks at you, safe and
sound. "...you could have told me," he says, quietly. "You knew you'd be
fine. You could have told me."

Utena-chan shakes her head- at least that obeys her. "... I didn't know."  
She breathes softly. "I didn't know I could come back. I didn't know. I
thought I was going tobe completely dead. I thought... if I didn't tell
you, then it wouldn't... hurt so much.. I thought.. if you knew you might
have tried to stop me... and I couldn't let you stop me."

Xelloss closes his eyes.. and lets it go. "Okay. Whatever." He stands.
"I'm not unfamiliar with that sort of situation. And it's over now, and
you're back. So there's nothing to be upset about. I'm a little perturbed,
but it'll pass once I get over the shock, which I think I'm still in."

Utena-chan laughs weakly. "... I'm in shock too. I went from being a god
of all gods to... to being this." She would gesture. "I messed something
up...  I can't move like I used to. I think I forgot to learn how to move
right.  There was so much to do just getting out of that form..." She
sighs, sinking back into a pillow. "I guess... you should be angry at
me... I probably deserve it. I had to do it that way. Xel, if I told
you... you wouldn't have let me go ahead with it, would you... you would
have taken the bolt away, wouldn't you...?"

Xelloss sighs. "Yeah, probably. As stupid as that may be and hazardous to
the universe, I would have. It's the kind of thing a guy in love would
do."  Smiles.. smiles at you, a little. "It doesn't matter. Like I said.
Not anymore."

Utena-chan smiles back. "... boy, is Jack gonna be mad.." She giggles
obscurely. "Just can't get rid of me, you know. No matter how hard you
try... I'm just human now though." That might explain the hair? "...  
everything 'divine' is in the altar now... it can stay there."

Xelloss sinks a bit into his seat.. and takes your hand. "Fine by me.  
Nothing but trouble, anyway."

Utena-chan sighs, happy to feel warm fingers around hers. "I don't think
it'll be too long before the universe notices I'm back. Wait and see. I'm
just too.. controversial." She laughs again, a good, healing sort of
sound.  "I wonder what they're going to do now... since they can't fight
each other anymore... Order and Chaos, I mean."

Xelloss blinks. "They can't? Good. A very good thing. It's over."

Tremendous relief. "Maybe we'll have some peace and quiet. For awhile, at
least.

Utena-chan says, "They can't. My body... Balance.. what I did changed the
altar. It's no longer useable as a weapon against Chaos.. and Order isn't
strong enough to really mess with this world now... he's too weak. Dios
isn't powerful any more... he lost a lot of his spark with the Rose Bride
going away... and the Castle of Illusion's gone..." She looks sad a
moment, as if suddenly made aware of her singular role in completely
tearing down several systems and layers of reality... it's a hard thing to
really look at and face, but she's never DONE it before.. she does it now.

And what's more.. you succeeded at everything your role called for. So..
now what happens?

Utena starts to feel tired, so she settles back in the bed, making clumsy
left-handed grabs for the blankets. "Gonna sleep a little.. when I wake up
I'll start trying to get moving again." She grins a bit and slips away
into a comfortable rest, her face content, slack, and very relaxed- home,
safe, and at peace. At last.