WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?!

Just after I finally got over being insulted by this bulbous little Dodge Neon trying to leap through my TV and say "Hi." to me, I turn around to discover a bulbous little frilly frou-frou artiste setting-on-the-settee one-button-is-good-enough-for-any-monkey PLASTIC computer trying to nuzzle me in the same innocuous manner! Worse! It is going way beyond "Hi." and right into "Say Hello"!!

The thing looks like a kitchen appliance. In fact, my long-standing suspicion that manufacturers are conspiring to make every household item look the same has been verified. I mean...LOOK!

The iMac is the *exact* color of toilet-bowl cleaner and is precisely styled to look more at home on a kitchen counter or bathroom shelf than a serious information-managing individual's office! The design is virtually Orwellian, but with an odd flare (and I mean *flare*, not flair) of color that creates a prop that Terry Gilliam might have used in his movie _Brazil_!

And what is this 'i', anyway? I guess that, in step with the feeble mindset that a computer should be as unthreatening as possible, the creators didn't want to scare the masses with something as big andd republicanly bold as a capital "I". I is authoritative! I is the center of self! This is not an Imac, where the bold 'I' subdues the user with the perils of having to elicit a thought in order to use the device; no, this is the iMac, where all things seem small and safe. A small, safe internet. A docile information terminal. A curvy fashion object of interior decorators. A safe little window for a mind that doesn't want to open very wide.

I'm not done yet, either!