Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium

Episode 3: Love & Technology

Written By Guido Cerviche

Rated PG

[The episode opens in a dark room, where a young bunny girl appears to be welding something. She is about 15 years old, with brown eyes, black fur and white hair. As we zoom in closer we what appears to be a young male bunny, about 17 years old with brown fur and black hair, laying on an operation table in front of her. His eyes are closed. His chest cavity is open, and inside is circuitry which the girl is working on.]

Girl: <At school those spoiled, stuck-up, airheads all laughed at me and stole all the guys I liked. They said I’d never get a boyfriend. But after just a few more adjustments I, Naomi Hellstrome, will have the perfect boyfriend, and the last laugh! >

[Naomi tinkers with the circuitry a little more, then closes the chest cavity. The boy on the table is now appears perfectly normal. She attaches some electrodes to him, which are hooked up to a generator. She activates the generator, sending a brief electrical charge through him to jumpstart his system. The boy bolts up in a sitting position, gasping for breath.]

Naomi (triumphant) [laughing maniacally]: HE’S ALIIIIVE!!

Boy [pulling the electrodes off]: Damn that stung! [looks up] Huh? AHHH! [Naomi leaps onto his chest.]

Naomi: Hi, Robby. Do you know who I am?

Robby: Um, obviously not. In fact, I’m not really sure who I am. Or where.

Naomi: I’m Naomi, your girlfriend. [suggestively] And we are going to be spending a LOT of time together.

Robby [after a slight pause]: Ok.

[Cut to the next morning, at the Pizza Parlor. It’s a couple of weeks after the events in The Stranger, and Polly is once again on speaking terms with everyone. Currently, everyone is preparing the parlor for another busy, busy day. Just then, Lucille walks in.]

Guido: Lucille! How are you?

Lucille [gives him a long kiss]: I’m great, how about you?

Guido: Wonderful, now that you’re here.

Francine: Nice to see you, Lucille. Stop by for some early breakfast?

Lucille: Yes, I did. I have a busy day today. First, I have to help Wally clean the house and then Josie and I are going shopping later.

Guido: By the way, where has your sister been? I haven’t seen her lately.

Lucille: Oh, well… She’s been away on **ahem** a job.

Jefferson: You have a sister?

Francine: Of course she does! Get with the program, Jeff!

Jefferson [makes a face at Fran, then turns to Lucille]: Why don’t you bring her by later. I’d really like to meet her. [pauses, in thought] Is she single?

Francine and Guido [in unison]: JEFF!

Jefferson [confused]: What?

GB [looks out the window, then turns to the others]: Excuse me. I hate to break up the staff meeting but our adoring fans will be here ANY SECOND!

Speedy [sighs]: Already?

[The cats spend the next few minutes zooming around the parlor, fixing it up. Before long the restaurant is packed with customers, and everyone is busy.]

Francine [calling out an order]: Double Pepperoni and mushrooms w/ extra Cheese!

Speedy [grabs the pizza]: That’s my table!

Francine [again calling out an order]: Anchovies, artichokes and pesto!

Jefferson [grabs the pizza]: I got it!

Francine [again calling out an order]: Four Cheese, liver meatballs, and pineapple!

Guido [grabbing the pizza]: Who orders this stuff?

Polly [hanging up the phone]: Guru Lou just ordered two Deep-Dish Banana-Sausage-Mushroom Pizzas. Where’s GB?

Speedy [shouting over the ruckus]: Still out on delivery, I think. The last one was out by the- [trips] WHAAAA!!! [lands on the pizza he was carrying.]

Polly [running towards him, concerned]: Speedy! [kneels down close to him] Are you ok?

Speedy [looks up at her with a face of toppings]: I think so.

[Polly smiles and kisses him. Or at lest she tries to, but she winds up with a piece of pepperoni in her mouth. The two of them giggle, and Polly proceeds to lick the toppings off Speedy’s face. Fortunately for us, Francine soon spots them and puts a stop to it.]

Francine [angry]: Excuse me, but this happens to be one of the busiest days we’ve had in a long time, and I don’t appreciate you two getting all gross like that. If you guys wanna get kinky, do it on your own time. For now GET TO WORK!

Speedy [still has a mushroom on his nose and a pepperoni on his cheek]: Yes, ma'am!

Polly [also has a pepperoni hanging from her chin]: We’re on it!

[And with that their legs blur underneath them and they take off in opposite directions. The day wears on, with no sign of letting up. Finally, at the end of the day…]

Speedy [mopping the floor]: Man… **huff** we haven’t been **puff** this busy since **wheeze** before we hired Bad Bird.

Jefferson [same]: You mean Good Bird.

GB [wiping a table, looking tired]: No, he means Bad Bird. It’s a long story

Guido [same]: Why the sudden boost in popularity?

Polly [sitting at the counter, counting money with Francine]: This past month the parlor was featured both in Bon Appetite and the Restaurant Guidebook of Little Tokyo. The good news is we got four stars in each.

Speedy: Well for once I don’t care how good our reviews are. I think we need help.

Jefferson: Amen! [turns to Fran] Frannie, starting tomorrow you need to put up another help wanted sign.

Francine: Excuse me Jefferson Manx, but I think I’ll decide how to handle hiring policies around here, ok?

Guido: Aw, come on Fran! It’s been like this for the past five days in a row, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop.

GB: Yeah. I get here at the crack of dawn and I’m exhausted by the time I go home. Carla’s getting upset, because we don’t spend anytime together anymore.

Jefferson: No feather fluffing around the love-nest lately?

GB [glaring]: That’s none of your damn business.

Francine [giving up]: Okay! Okay. Tomorrow I’ll put out the word that we’re hiring.

[The others let out a hushed "YES!" and slap each other five. Francine glares at them and they go back to cleaning up. Once they’re done, GB leaves and the others go to bed. The next morning, Francine places a sign outside announcing they’re looking for work. The day wears on, and nothing happens. Finally, around mid-day a young female cat w/ pink hair looks over the sign. She’s dressed in combat boots, tight black leather shorts, a red T-shirt exposing the midriff, and a black leather jacket.]

Girl [thinking]: Well, it does say the pay is good.

[With that, the girl walks towards the Pizza Parlor. Cut to inside, where the cats are on their lunch break.]

Jefferson [lying on the floor] (exhausted): Ugh… Fran! I… can’t go on like this. I’m… dying…

Francine (annoyed): Jeff, grow up.

Speedy [checks Jefferson pulse]: Fran, I think this is serious. His heart is racing.

GB [loads Jefferson onto a stretcher]: I'll take him to the hospital.

[As GB begins to take Jefferson out the door opens. In steps the girl who was looking at the sign.]

Girl: Hi, I’m here about the part time position?

Jefferson [leaps into the air and rushes towards the girl]: HEEEELLLLOOOO PRITTY LADYEEEEEEE!

Francine [to Speedy, eyes narrow]: I thought you said his heart was racing.

Speedy: Maybe his hormones are clairvoyant?

Guido: I doubt that, Speedy. Even I’m not that good.

[Walking up to the girl, Francine calmly pushes Jefferson aside. There is a loud crash off screen as Jefferson falls into a table, overturning it.]

Francine: Sorry about that. Did you say you were here about the job?

Girl: That’s right. And, who might you be?

Francine: My name Francine Manx. I’m the manager of the Pizza Cat.

Girl: I see. Then I guess you’re the one I talk to.

Francine [nods]: Come on in and get settled. I’ll be with you in a moment. [Gets out her notebook and a pencil.] Oh Speedy, could you wake Polly up and ask her to clear the tables please?

Speedy: No prob, Fran.

[Speedy walks back towards the bedrooms as Francine begins interviewing the girl. Coming to the room he and Polly share, Speedy opens the door to find her laying on the bed. Quietly, he tiptoes over to her and gently kisses her on the cheek. Polly wakes up, sees him standing over her, and smiles.]

Speedy: Feeling better, hon?

Polly [stretches]: Oh yeah, definitely. I told you all I needed was a little nap.

Speedy: Hopefully you’ll sleep better tonight.

Polly [rising out of bed]: Oh, don’t worry about tonight. [smiles mischievously] Something tells me we’ll both be sleeping much better…

Speedy [quietly to himself, his eyes cast upward]: There is a God… [Polly grins at him. Suddenly Speedy snaps his fingers, as if remembering something.] Oh, right. Francine wants you to help clear the tables, and we have a new applicant for the part-time position.

Polly [putting her apron on]: Already?

Speedy [escorting her out of the room]: Are you kidding? If she had arrived yesterday it wouldn’t have been soon enough-

[At that moment they entered the restaurant area. Instantly, Polly’s eyes met those of the new girl. Both of them reacted as if they had seen a ghost.]

Polly [shocked] (overwhelmed): IT’S-

Girl [same] (same): IT’S-

Both [same] (same): IT’S… YOU!!!

[Ecstatic to see each other, the two girls run forward and embrace. The air is instantly filled with ceaseless chatter between Polly and the newcomer who are obviously familiar with each other.]

Speedy [stunned]: Um… Does someone want to fill me in, please?

Francine: Speedy Cerviche [gestures to the new girl] meet Ruth Esther.

Speedy [even more stunned]: Ruth Esther…? You mean…

Polly [overjoyed]: My sister!

[Speedy stares in stunned silence for a moment. Cut to a few minutes later. Everyone is sitting down now, and Francine is busy interviewing Ruth.]

Ruth: So, I hopped a plane back to Little Tokyo and here I am.

Polly: At least you finally got some sense in your head. Dad and I tried to tell you that guy was a jerk.

Ruth: Cut me a break, sis. I was 17 and he said he knew someone at a movie studio who could make me star. I know it sounds lame now, but at the time it sounded like a dream come true.

Polly: I still think you should’ve known better. I know I wouldn’t have fallen for such a dumb line.

GB: Uh, Polly? What about when I tricked you and Lucille into becoming the Pointless-

Polly [interrupting, holds up her hand to silence him]: GB, shut up.

Francine: But you did say you were in a few movies.

Ruth: Well yeah, if you consider "Space Mutants VIII", and the "Demon Party" series movies. The closest I came to any serious acting was a few bit parts.

Speedy: I think I remember you from the "Space Mutants" movie. You were the Australian girl who got killed towards the end, right.

Ruth [depressed]: Yeah, that was my big part.

Francine: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve finished grading your aptitude test. [Both Ruth and Polly snap to attention, eager to hear the result.] You only missed two questions. That’s the second highest score ever.

Polly [surprised]: You’re kidding! She out scored me?

Francine: Only by one question Polly.

Ruth (slightly smug): Do I detect a hint of competitiveness in your voice, Polly? You do remember what Dr. Bates said about our sibling rivalry, right?

[Polly growls in an annoyed fashion. The others gulp. They are not at all anxious to see what the Esther sisters are like when their sibling rivalry is in full swing.]

Francine [clears her throat]: Well, all that remains now is the personality test.

Polly: Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary, Francine. Ruth has always been extremely sociable. She’s even friendlier and more courteous than I am.

Jefferson [muttering to himself]: That’s not hard. [Polly’s fist immediately retorts by slamming into his mouth. Jefferson soars across the room and this time has the good fortune to land in a booth.]

[Ruth, on the other hand, is much more appreciative of Polly’s endorsement. She smiles upon hearing it, although her smile quickly becomes a wince when Jefferson becomes air born.]

Francine: Ok Polly, your word is good enough for me. [extends her hand to Ruth] Welcome aboard.

[Ruth happily shakes Francine’s hand. Cut to the streets of Little Tokyo, where Naomi and Robby are out on a date.]

Naomi: So, where do you want to go first?

Robby: Well, I am a little hungry. Why don’t we have something to eat?

Naomi: Great! I think I know the perfect spot. Feel like sushi?

Robby: Either that or pizza. Your choice, Pumpkin.

[Naomi blushes a little, and the two of them enter Wally’s Sushi Bar & Grill. They order the Delux Sushi meal and split it between the two of them. Just then, three girls from Naomi’s school walk up to them and begin to taunt her.]

Girl 1: Well, well. Look who’s here. Doing an assignment on marine life, brainiac?

Girl 2: Nah, she’s trying to get even smarter. You know how fish is supposed to be brain food.

Girl 3: Good luck on winning the Nobel Prize, Miss Know-it-all. You’ll have plenty of time to work on it without a social life.

Robby: Excuse me girls, but were we bothering you somehow?

Girl 1 [eyes narrow] (suspicious): Who are you?

Naomi: Girls, I don’t believe you’ve met my new boyfriend. His name is Robby.

Girl 1: What!? You’ve got a boyfriend?

Girl 3: No way!

Girl 2: And he’s a cutie too! [leans in close to Robby] I guess he doesn’t know what he’s missing. I could show him some real fun. (suggestively) What d’ya say honey?

Robby: Sorry, I have a policy against girls whose cup sizes are bigger than their IQs.

[The other girls blink in disbelief and outrage. Robby calmly goes back to eating his sushi. Naomi is looking extremely pleased with herself and Robby.]

Naomi: You heard him girls. Why don’t you go let a little air out of your heads before you float away?

[Indignantly, the girls storm off. Naomi turns back to the sushi and resumes eating it with Robby.]

Naomi: <I can’t believe it. He told them off! He’d rather be with me than with one of them!>

[Cut back to the restaurant, where Francine is preparing Ruth for her new waitressing job. Vigilant observers will note that Ruth is wearing the same waitress uniform Polly Andry did when she masqueraded as Polly Esther.]

Francine: So Ruth, do you have any other questions?

Ruth: Yeah, do you mind introducing me to everyone? I always like to know whom I’m working with.

Francine [looks sheepish]: Oh! I can’t believe I almost forgot that. [composes herself] Ok then, let me fix that. [Gestures to GB] This is Good Bird. We call him GB. He handles most of the deliveries. [GB greets Ruth and shakes her hand. Francine moves on to Jefferson.] This is my cousin, Jefferson Manx.

Jefferson [shakes Ruth’s hand]: Nice to meet you. So, you free Saturday night?

[Ruth giggles. Francine glares at Jeff.]

Francine: He’s a bit of a pervert, but you get used to him. [She moves on to Guido.] This is Guido Anchovy. He was one of our first employees.

Ruth [looks at Guido and licks her lips]: Hubba hubba.

Guido [gulps and looks uncomfortable]: Uh, thank you, but I have a girlfriend.

[Francine glares slightly at Ruth, who doesn’t notice. They move on to Speedy]

Ruth: You’re cute too. What’s your name?

Polly [annoyed]: His name is Speedy Cerviche, and he’s my husband. [Shows Ruth their rings.]

Ruth: Wait. Polly, you got married and never told me?

Polly: Ruth, you ran away from home, remember? We had no idea how to contact you, let alone invite you to the wedding.

Ruth [disappointed]: I guess you’re right…

[Cut to about 10 minutes later when the parlor is swarming with customers. Ruth is moving swiftly around the parlor, cheerfully waiting on tables. Speedy and Guido are also waiting on tables, although less swiftly and cheerfully. Polly is preparing the food, and Francine is working the register. GB and Jefferson are absent, out on deliveries.]

Francine: Wow, look at her! Polly, hiring your sister is probably the best decision we ever made!

Polly: She certainly is energetic. Of course, she’s always that way around cute boys.

Francine [grins]: Speaking of which, she’s certainly been attracting a lot of cute seniors from the high school! [giggles mischievously]

Polly [rolling her eyes]: Don’t get too carried away, Fran. Most students are notoriously poor.

Francine [shrugs]: Oh well. Money isn’t everything.

Polly [eyes narrow, looks at Fran suspiciously]: Who are you and what have you done with Francine?

[Francine playfully sticks her tongue out at Polly just as the phone rings. Quickly, she rushes over to answer it.]

Francine: Samurai Pizza Cats! Our dough is fresh, and our pizzas are hot. But over 30 minutes, your directions are not! [pause] Oh, hi Big Al! What’s the emergency? [pause] Oh, I see. Thank goodness. So, what would you like? Got it: one medium Caesar Salad pizza. Would you like an order of fried mozzarella sticks with that? [pause] Oh, you’re watching your cholesterol. Good thinking. I’ll send our new delivery girl down to meet you with the food. [pause] Yeah, she just started. She’s very nice. Talk to you soon, Al! Bye! [Hangs up] Hey Ruth, we have a special delivery for you!

Ruth [rushes over]: Great! Where to?

Francine: This one is for Big Al Dente, the Royal Security Officer. Make sure it gets there hot!

Ruth [zooms out the door with the Pizza]: Relax, I’m on it!

Speedy [watches Ruth run out of the parlor]: We’ve hired a gas molecule! [to Polly] Hasn’t she ever heard of Decaf?

Polly: She doesn’t drink coffee.

Guido [sarcastically]: Oh, I’d love to see her after about 3 espressos.

Francine [w/ yen signs in her eyes]: So would I.

[At that moment, Lucille and her big sister Josie enter the restaurant and sit at the counter.]

Josie: Hi, guys! How ya doin’?

Guido: Absolutely fantastic. So, what can I get you gorgeous girls for lunch?

[Lucille giggles, and Josie blushes slightly. As they are giving Guido their orders, Jefferson returns from a delivery. There is a bright red mark on his face in the shape of a fist on his face.]

Francine: JEFF! What have you done now!

Jefferson [annoyed]: I’ll tell you the same thing I told her father: Nothing happened! Besides, she made the first move-

[At that moment, Josie turns around and her eyes meet Jefferson’s. He stops dead in his tracks. They remain motionless for a moment, and simply stare into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, the pupils in Jeff’s eyes are replaced with hearts, his jaw hits the ground, and steam shoots out of his ears.]

Francine [clearly embarrassed]: Typical. [to Josie] On behalf of my cousin, I apologize.

Josie [chuckles slightly]: It’s ok. I get that all the time. [to Jefferson] You must be Jefferson.

Jefferson: Igntfisuruahiauwinuray!

Lucille [confused]: Say what?

Guido: I didn’t think it was physically possible, but Jefferson is being even more of a moron than he usually is around girls.

Josie [ignoring them]: It’s nice to finally meet you. Lucille has already told me so much about you, I feel like I know you intimately.

Jefferson: Darf ich zur toilette gehen? {Roughly translated this means "May I please use the restroom?" in German. Unfortunately this does Jefferson little good as no one in the restaurant understands German, including him.}

Speedy [said slowly]: Oooookay…

[Josie smiles and turns back to Guido to give him the rest of her order. She begins searching her handbag for something, and it becomes evident she cannot find it. She begins to panic.]

Josie: Oh shoot, I can’t believe this!

Polly: What’s wrong?

Josie: I can’t find my pocketbook! [turns to Lucille] I must’ve taken it out after we went shopping yesterday!

Francine: Josie, its no big deal. You’re Lucille’s sister! You can pay us later.

Josie [ignoring Fran]: I’m going back to get it. I’ll just be a minute. [She runs out the door.]

Jefferson (weakly): Heart? You may resume beating, now.

Francine [grabs his shoulder] (tensely): May I have a word with you?

[Before Jefferson can reply, Fran drags him behind the counter where the others are already waiting for him.]

Francine: I’ve seen you act like an idiot before, but that was a complete brain drain! What was with you?

Jefferson: Do any of you know who that was?

Guido: Yes. That was Lucille’s sister Josie. [suspicious] I thought you said you never met her?

Jefferson: I didn’t, but I still recognized her. She’s really big in the hentai industry.

Speedy [missed him completely]: I’m sorry, what?

Jefferson: She’s a porn star.

[There’s a pause while everyone considers this. Finally, Guido just shrugs.]

Guido: Oh, well that explains everything. Here I thought my life couldn’t get any stranger and it turns out my girlfriend’s sister does hentai. No wonder Lucille got uncomfortable every time I asked about Josie’s job.

Francine: Wait, let me get this straight. You recognized her from her "movies", right Jeff?

Jefferson: That’s right. She’s one of my favorites. I’ve been following her career since her third film-

Francine [interrupting]: Okay, okay okay! I’m sorry I asked.

Polly [to Speedy]: Well, this was certainly a shock, wasn’t it Speedy? [notices he’s not beside her like he was a moment ago.] Speedy?

Speedy [following Jefferson, turns to Polly]: One sec, hon! [turns back to Jefferson] So anyway Jeff, what did you say the names of those movies are?

[Polly grabs Speedy by the collar and drags him away in annoyance. Cut to Big Al’s office, across the city, where Ruth has just arrived with the pizza. She walks up to his door and knocks on it.]

Big Al [waking up from a nap] (groggy): Huh, wha? [shakes his head] Hmph. That better not be more Jehova’s Witnesses.

[Reluctantly, he stumbles to the door and opens it. He looks much happier when he sees Ruth there with the pizza.]

Ruth: Hello, Pizza Cats Pizza!

Big Al: Ah, welcome. You must be the new delivery girl.

Ruth: That’s right. The name is Ruth Esther.

Big Al (curious): Esther? Are you related to Polly?

Ruth: She’s my big sister. You know her?

Big Al: Of course! We’ve worked together for many years.

Ruth (suspicious): Doing what?

Big Al [sweat drops]: <Oh, bullshoot! They didn’t tell her that they’re the Samurai Pizza Cats! Polly must’ve had a reason for not wanting her to know, and I almost blew the secret. I don’t want her mad at me again!> (nervous) Uh, well, um, see… I helped them get the permit for the restaurant.

Ruth (still suspicious): You’re the Royal Security Officer. How would you help them do that?

[Big Al is getting more nervous by the second. Before he can even attempt to answer, however, one of his aides dashes in looking frantic.]

Aide [worried]: Mr. Dente! We have an emergency! We just received word of a battalion of Ninja Crows attacking citizens and shops in the commercial district!

Big Al: Thank you, Harrison. I’ll call them right away! [Harrison leaves, and Al picks up the phone.] Operator, give me the Samurai Pizza Cats!

[Commercial Break]

[Cue the launch sequence.]

Jefferson [voice coming over the loudspeaker]: Ladies and Gentlemen, now is the time! We’re blasting off the Pizza Cats with a brand new rhyme. Here they come to save the day, so stay behind the white line and out of their way!

[Jefferson launches the cats into the air. After a moment, the scene cuts back to him in the parlor. After watching the monitor for a moment, Jefferson picks up the phone and resumes talking to Al Dente.]

Jefferson: Mr. Dente? Hi, it’s Jefferson. Yes, I just launched them. They should be there in moments.

[Back in Al Dente’s office…]

Big Al: Excellent work, Jefferson. This is one of the most aggressive Ninja Crow attacks yet, and the sooner the Pizza Cats can get to work, the better.

Ruth [more to herself than anyone else]: Jefferson? Jefferson Manx?

Big Al [realizes Ruth is still there and panics]: Huh, um… Like I said, good work! Talk to you later! [hangs up and turns back to Ruth] I’m sorry, Ms. Esther, I didn’t realize you were still there.

Ruth: Why would I leave? You haven’t paid me yet.

Big Al: Oh, yes, of course. Let me get that taken care of and then you can… [stops dead in his tracks] <Wait! I can’t send her back to an empty pizza parlor! She’s bound to figure it out then.> …Stay right here!

Ruth [confused]: Excuse me?

Big Al [digs through his wallet]: Well, I can’t let you go back to the parlor with those Ninja Crows hanging around! You could get hurt, and I’d never forgive myself if that happened. No, you must stay here where it’s safe, at least until the Samurai Pizza Cats have had a chance to clear the way. [hands her the money and pushes her out the door] There, now you take this and wait outside my office until the danger is over. I have lots of important work to do.

Ruth [checks the money]: Mr. Dente, the pizza was $12.95. This is a fifty!

Big Al [desperate to get her out of his office]: Keep the change. Now please, I’m very busy!

[He finally get her out and slams the door. Ruth stands there, first looking shocked and then frustrated.]

Ruth: Weirdo. [Still suspicious] What’s he hiding?

[She checks around to make sure no one is looking, and then peaks between the blinds on the glass in the office door. On the other side she sees Big Al, doing some paperwork and glancing at a computer terminal. After a moment he puts the paperwork aside, opens a drawer, and takes out a remote control. He presses a button and the wall opens up to reveal a large view screen. On the screen is an overhead view of the Ninja Crows’ assault on Little Tokyo. We zoom in on the view screen until the attack is all we see. At that point the Pizza Cats literally seem to drop into the picture, crashing into a nearby wall. Cut to a normal view of GB helping them up.]

GB [wryly]: How early the fruit is falling this season.

Guido [in a very foul mood]: Zip your beak, birdbrain.

Speedy: We didn’t expect to see you here, GB.

GB: I was on my way back from the delivery when I noticed the disturbance. I figured I’d check things out

and wait for you guys.

Polly: Good thinking. So what’s the scoop?

GB: About 50 crows, led by our good buddy Roland, showed up about a block away and started tearing through the street, knocking over shops and attacking civilians. According the witnesses, they seem to be looking for something.

Francine: Like what?

GB: Unknown. They also seem to be heading in the direction of the Pizza Parlor, but that may just be a coincident.

Guido: Well, why don’t we just ask them? They’re practically here anyway.

[The cats turn to face the oncoming crowd of crows. Just as GB said, Roland is out front, in new armor. It resembles GB’s but is jet black with spiky red shoulderpads and gauntlets. As usual, the emblem of the Flying Skull is blazon on his chest.]

Speedy: Hello there, Roland. You’re looking much better since I last saw you.

Roland [sneering]: I knew we’d run into you and your little flea-bitten buddies.

Polly: This is as far as we let you go, Roland! If you want us then come and get us, but leave these people

alone!

Roland: I know this will come as a crushing blow to your ego, Mrs. Cerviche, but this has nothing to do with any of you. You cats should learn to mind your own business. It would be better for you in the long run.

Francine: This town IS our business, creep! You’re going to pay for hurting all these innocent people!

Roland: We’ll see about that. [shouts to the crows] ATTACK!

[Cawing in fury, the crows launch themselves at the Pizza Cats. Speedy and the others leap into the air, land in the middle of the oncoming swarm and dispatch several ninja crows each. The remaining crows surround the cats and move in for the kill.]

[Speedy wields his blade like a surgeon’s scalpel, slicing with ruthless efficiency. Three crows go down with deep slashes in their armor. A fourth one makes the mistake of engaging Speedy in a sword fight, eventually loosing his sword and shortly after that consciousness. A fifth one tries to sneak up on him from behind, and catches the business end of Speedy’s elbow to his face.]

Crow 1 [to the other crows surrounding Polly]: All right fellas! Who wants a new Polly Esther fur coat?

Polly: Go ahead, lovebirds. I always give the people what they want! [Begins her "Paws of Passion Power" move. The crows begin to float towards her against their will. The screen goes black, Polly screeches, and red claw marks appear in a zig-zag pattern. We rejoin the action and six ninja crows are lying on the ground in excruciating pain.]

[Quickly cut back to outside Al Dente’s office, where Ruth is still spying on the action.]

Ruth [enjoying the sight]: Ha ha! Way to go sis! Take that you lousy crows!

[And now back to the fight. Guido lets loose a blast from the Sunspot that fries two crows in their tracks. Two others rush him from either side. He jumps into the air and slams the umbrella down on their heads, knocking them cold.]

[Another crow tries to sneak up on Guido, but Francine tackles him to the ground. Sensing weakness, three other crows move towards her intent on making her beg for mercy. Francine quickly removes a Cash Bomb {similar to one of Polly’s Heart Bombs, but in the shape of a dollar sign} and tosses it at the oncoming ninjas. It explodes on impact, sending them flying.]

[GB is leading a group of five ninja crows on an acrobatic aerial chase, and he’s flying circles around them. In fact, two of the crows crash into each other chasing after him. Suddenly he launches himself into a steep dive, pulling up only at the last minute. Two of the remaining crows manage to follow him, the third slams face first into the dirt. GB swoops around and smashes one crow in the back of the head with his sword. The second one flies at full speed right at him. GB finishes him with a well timed kick, which the crow flies right into.]

[By this time, a number of spectators have gathered to watch the fight. Among them are Naomi and Robby.]

Naomi: Wow, these guys are great!

Robby: I’m glad they’re here. Those ninja crows were getting pretty close to where we were. You could’ve gotten hurt.

[As if on cue, one of the crows Guido was advancing on leaps into the crowd and grabs Naomi.]

Crow 2: All right, Pizza Cat! Back off or the girl gets hurt!

[He presses his sword against her throat to make a point. Naomi lets out a strangled cry.]

Guido: Let her go!

Crow 2: Back off!

[Suddenly, the crow’s eyes bug out of his head as Robby grabs his neck. Robby’s face is a mask of rage.]

Robby: You heard him. LET HER GO!

[The crow drops the sword and Robby lifts him into the air, ripping his grasp of Naomi. He then launches the crow over the length of several football fields, causing him to soar out of sight. Guido and the Pizza Cats stare in awe, and Roland’s eyes grow wide.]

Roland [points]: That’s him! He’s the one!

[Robby is staring in the direction of the tossed crow, horrified at what he’s done. Upon hearing Roland’s voice he turns toward him, and then begins to run. Naomi calls after him, but in vain. Roland and the remaining crows give chase. The pizza cats attempt to follow, but when the crows loose Robby they disperse and the cats are forced to give up.]

Speedy [as they turn around in defeat]: Come on, guys. Let’s go home.

Guido [still amazed]: Man, did you see how far he threw that crow? Who was that guy?

Francine: Maybe the question isn’t who, but what?

GB: Well, the easy answer is he’s what Roland and the others were searching for.

Polly: Well then shouldn’t we make sure we find him before the crows do? If either Cheese or Fat Bunny gets a hold of him, we could have serious trouble.

Speedy: We don’t know enough about what we’re dealing with. We should head back to the parlor and contact Guru Lou and Scott. We’ll have Big Al provide them with the battle footage so they can see what happened.

[The cats continue home, perplexed by the day’s events. Cut to Fat Bunny’s lair, where Roland and the crows are explaining what happened.]

Roland: And once again, everything would’ve been fine if the Pizza Brats hadn’t interfered.

Fat Bunny: Pizza Cats or not, you have still failed me Roland. That is not something I appreciate, especially in light of recent events, which have placed your loyalty at question.

Roland [restraining himself]: My loyalty is first and foremost to Master Atrick and the Flying Skull. Besides, there was no conflict of interest.

Fat Bunny: And that is your only saving grace. Go behind my back again, and I may not be so forgiving.

Roland: Understood. Now then, your orders?

Fat Bunny: You say the android became angry when the young girl who was with him was threatened. I suspect she is his creator, and he will undoubtedly try to return to her. Find her, stake out her residence, and apprehend the android when he arrives.

Roland: As you wish, Don Costanza.

[Roland and the crows leave. Don Costanza turns towards the aged Ninja Crow in the background, his partner Elliot "Elle" Durly.]

Fat Bunny: He seems to have a problem with authority.

Elliot: Not really. He just sees loyalty to the clan as a higher priority than loyalty to his employer.

Fat Bunny: Hmph. And I suppose being Jerry Atrick’s great-nephew and eldest male descendant has nothing to do with it.

Elliot: Well that might also be a factor. But he really is the best choice to lead the troops. He’s cold blooded, methodical, ruthless, and he’s not weighed down by weaknesses like compassion or love.

Fat Bunny: Unlike our friend Bad Bird.

[Elliot nods.]

Fat Bunny: Still, I’m concerned. Atrick is far too loyal to Seymour and so, by extension, is Roland. If Seymour chooses to move against us, we could have a problem.

Elliot: What do you suggest?

Fat Bunny: I think we should shop around for another assistant. This android we’re searching for now might be a good choice. After all, loyalty is so much more reliable if you can program it in.

[FB grins evilly, and Elliot nods. Cut back to the Pizza Parlor, where the cats have just arrived. Ruth is leaning against a table, waiting for them with a devilish grin on her face. Lucille is no longer there; she and Josie have long since ate and left. Jefferson is behind the counter reading a CATMAN comic book. As the cats walk in he casts a nervous glance at Polly.]

Ruth: Interesting job you guys have.

Polly: What do you mean?

Ruth: Don’t play dumb, Pol. You know what I’m talking about. [walks up to her] How come when you hired me you forgot to tell me you guys are really the legendary Samurai Pizza Cats?

[Polly’s look of shock quickly turns to one of rage.]

Polly [furious]: JEFFERSON! HOW DARE YOU TELL MY SISTER SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST!

[Polly storms up to Jeff, frying pan in hand.]

Jefferson [for once more angry at Polly than scared of her]: I know this is exactly the sort of thing you think I’d do, but this time I’m completely innocent. Ruth already knew your secret when she came back from delivery, so I suggest you take up the matter with Big Al. Of course that might not be a good career move for you.

Ruth: I doubt it. When Dente found out I saw the battle from his view screen he was practically scared to death. You’ve earned a very well deserved reputation, sis.

[Polly folds her arms and glares at her sister. Speedy and the others fidget uncomfortably in the tense silence.]

Ruth: Well, that leaves just one question.

Speedy: Which is?

Ruth: How can I get a piece of the action?

Speedy: Well, I suppose we could take you back down to Big Al and ask-

Polly [interrupting] (assertive): You can’t.

Speedy: Exactly. [turns to Polly] Why not?

Ruth [upset]: Yeah, why not?

Polly: It’s too dangerous. And she doesn’t have any combat training.

Ruth: Oh, come on! Didn’t you see me in "Dungeon Fighter II" and III? That wasn’t a stunt double doing those scenes you know.

Polly: This isn’t Hollywood, Ruth. Those crows we were fighting had real weapons and they would’ve killed us if they could.

Ruth: Oh please, I saw how you guys handled them. They would’ve been more dangerous if they HAD been actors.

Polly [getting annoyed]: I’m sorry Ruth, but the answer is no.

Ruth [getting angry]: Listen, I know you’re used to intimidating everyone into getting your way, but I’m not afraid of you! Just because your temper scares the crap out of everyone-

Polly [very upset]: I SAID NO! [There is an extremely tense pause, as Polly attempts to compose herself. In the meantime, no one says or does anything.] You know Dad doesn’t even know you’re back in town yet. I don’t want him to have to find out through a call from the hospital. Or a visit to the morgue. The answer is no.

[Her anger spent, Polly walks to her room and shuts the door. Speedy follows to comfort her, and Ruth marches angrily out the door. The remaining cats stand in stunned silence.]

Guido [after a long pause]: So, who’s up for a movie? I rented "Fight Club".

GB: I think we just saw it.

Francine: Either that, or "The Perfect Storm".

[Jefferson nods in agreement. Cut to an exterior shot of Naomi’s home, worm’s eye view. We hear the flutter of wings, and several taloned feet appear on screen. Cut to a close up of the Ninja Crows, whose faces are made more menacing by the shadows of the alley they are hiding in.]

Crow 1 [into a two-way radio]: Sir, we have located the girl’s residence. No sign of the android yet.

Roland [voice coming over the radio]: He’ll show. The girl is the only one he trusts. Maintain your position.

Crow 1: Roger that, sir. Over and out. [turns off radio and puts it away]

[Inside her house Naomi is sitting at the kitchen table, crying. She’s sick with worry over Robby.]

Naomi: <Stop crying! This isn’t helping. He’s just scared of what happened. He’ll come back soon enough. You’re the only one he feels safe with.> [pause] <I’m such an idiot. He doesn’t even know what he is. No wonder he freaked.>

[The doorbell rings and Naomi jumps, startled. She gives a slight, bitter sob, composes herself, and answers the door. It’s Robby.]

Naomi: Robby. Thank goodness you’re safe!

Robby (desperate): What’s happened to me, Naomi? How did I do that, back there?

Naomi: I’ll explain everything. Are you hurt?

Robby: No, I’m fine. I mean, I think I’m fine. I mean- [frustrated] Shoot! Naomi, I’m so confused! What’s happened to me? What am I?

[Naomi tries to say something, but the words won’t come. The two of them stare at each other for a moment, then move closer to kiss. Suddenly, the house is rocket by an explosion that blasts them both off their feet. When the dust settles, Naomi coughs and both of them raise their heads. Standing in front of them is a troop of 10 Ninja Crows.]

Crow 1: The boss would like a word with you, Android.

Robby [confused]: Android?

[The crows move in for the kill. They surround Robby and try to restrain him. Robby struggles and knocks several of them out. Naomi tries to help him, but Roland flaps down and tosses her into the wall, knocking her out. Robby dashes towards him in anger, but is blocked by four Ninja Crows. In his fury he makes short work of them, but this gives Roland enough time to toss an EMP Grenade. The resulting pulse of energy fries Robby’s circuitry, and he collapses in a heap. Roland and the three still-conscious Ninja Crows gather around him.]

Roland: Take him.

Crow 2: What about the girl and our fallen comrades?

Roland: Leave them. The girl is not a threat, and it’ll take too long to drag the others back with us.

Crow 2: Understood.

[The crows put Robby over their shoulders and fly off with him. Roland surveys the damage and grins sadistically before following.]

[Commercial Break]

[Fade back up on a shot of the Ninja Crows repairing Robby. Roland and FB are watching.]

Roland: He needed a lot of work, but they’re almost done. I’m surprised he was so badly damaged.

FB (sharply): Well, she probably wasn’t anticipating him going up against an EMP blast.

Roland (annoyed): Would you have preferred I let him get away again? I told you how strong he was.

FB: So in other words, with out the EMP you would not have been able to defeat him? That’s a very poor confession coming from the heir of the great Jerry Atrick. [Roland glares in fury, but does nothing.] Oh well, it matters not. We shall have him back online soon enough. Is his new programming ready?

Roland: The whiz kids are putting the finishing touches on it as we speak. He’ll be completely loyal.

FB: I’m sure he will. And should anything go wrong this time, I’ve taken the liberty of installing a failsafe system for you to fall back on.

Roland: A failsafe system, sir? What do you mean?

FB: I’m sure that Elliot can fill you in. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with the Royal Council and I can’t afford to be late.

[FB leaves. Cut back to the parlor. Speedy is on the videophone with Big Al.]

Big Al: I talked with Guru Lou and Scott. According to them the guy you saw was probably an extremely life-like android.

Speedy: An android? You mean like Data from Star Trek?

Naomi [off screen, behind Speedy]: More like Marie from Metal Angel Marie.

Speedy [startled, jumps several feet in the air]: YAAAHHH!!!

[Everyone in the parlor turns towards Naomi, who just walked in.]

Francine: Can we help you, miss?

Naomi: Yeah, you guys are the Samurai Pizza Cats, right?

Ruth (annoyed): Man, was I the ONLY ONE IN TOWN who didn’t know?

Jefferson: In a word: yes.

Ruth [eyes narrow]: Thanks, that clears up some confusion.

Guido [ignoring them]: Yes that’s us. [suddenly recognizes her] Hey, you’re that girl we saw in the battle today! The one with the android!

Naomi: Yes, that was me. My name’s Naomi Hellstrome, and I’m a Freshman at Little Tokyo Highschool.

Guido: I see. What about the android?

Naomi: His name is Robby. I built him.

GB [shocked]: What?! You built that weapon of mass destruction?!

Naomi: I didn’t design him to be a weapon! He’s just very protective of me. [She looks down, embarrassed.] H-he’s supposed to be my boyfriend.

Polly [confused]: Excuse me?

Naomi: Like in that anime Metal Angel Marie. That’s where I got the idea. The boy in that built an android designed after his dream girl. Only I didn’t design Robby after any one boy. [turns away from them, angry] I was just sick of all the guys I liked passing me over everytime some cheap slut in a cheerleader outfit passed by! All they had to do is wiggle their shapely butts and the next thing I knew it was "Bye Naomi, maybe we can study later!"

[Jefferson looks at Naomi with a pang of sympathy. He hasn’t had much luck in the love department lately either.]

Speedy: Ok, so you didn’t mean any harm. Obviously, Fat Bunny somehow found out about your bionic boyfriend and sent the Ninja Crows after him.

GB: So, why did he bolt? He could’ve taken them all out, including Roland.

Naomi: That was my fault. I made a stupid mistake when I designed him. I didn’t program him with the knowledge that he was an android. I was afraid he would hate me for only designing him to be a companion.

Polly: Well that explains why he freaked out. We definitely have to find him.

Naomi: Oh, I know where he is. That’s why I came here. The Ninja Crows have him

Francine: WHAT?! How do you know?

Naomi: Robby came back to my house a few hours ago. Shortly after that we were attacked by Ninja Crows. I was knocked out during the struggle, and when I came to he was gone. I think they used an EMP on him. Most of the equipment in my house was fried.

Guido: This is serious. Speedy, if the Ninja Crows have turned Robby over to Fat Bunny, it could be too late. With a few modifications, he could probably level the city!

Speedy: We’ll have to act fast. Naomi, do you have anything which could help us?

Naomi: Yes, I do. [removes a case with a few CD-ROM disks from her purse] I kept these in a special EMP protected container, so they weren’t damaged by the blast. These are Robby’s design specifications and personality matrix.

Speedy: Excellent. I’ll go online and send these to Lou and Scott. They can probably get a trace Robby based on his energy signature or maybe his broadcasting specifications.

Polly [impressed]: I didn’t know you were so technically minded, dear.

Speedy [turning on the computer]: Don’t get too excited. I have no idea what I just said.

[Polly’s eyes widen in disbelief, and she falls over. Jefferson walks over to Naomi, nervously.]

Jefferson: Uh, Ms. Hellstrome?

Naomi: You can call me, Naomi.

Jefferson: Ok. Naomi, do you think you could do me a favor?

Naomi: Sure. What is it?

Jefferson (desperate): Could you build a girlfriend for me?

Naomi [stunned]: W-wha?!

Jefferson: PLEASE? I’ll pay anything! I’ll do anything you ask of me, and I do mean anything! Oh, and I want her to look just like my favorite hentai star, Josie Omitsu!

[There is a loud clang, and red and yellow stars fill the screen. Cutting back to the previous scene, Jefferson is now lying on the ground, with a large lump on his head. Francine is standing above him, with a bent frying pan in hand.]

Francine [to Naomi]: Please ignore him.

[Naomi looks nervous, and a sweat drop appears on her forehead. Fortunately, Speedy breaks the tension.]

Speedy: Scott says he thinks they found something! There’s some unusual energy readings coming from the outskirts of the town. The signature is similar to Robby’s.

Naomi: Great! Let’s go.

Speedy: Oh no. You’re staying here. I’m not going to be responsible for your safety.

Naomi: But I know Robby the best. And he won’t hurt me.

Polly: You don’t know that. If Fat Bunny has altered Robby in anyway, he’s not the same android you created. He might not even recognize you.

Naomi: He will. I know he will.

GB: Speedy’s right Naomi. It’s much safer for you here.

[Naomi is about to protest again, but finally gives up. Ruth stares at her thoughtfully.]

Jefferson: Hey, Speedy? Scott just sent another IM. He and Guru Lou want two more of those Deep-Dish Banana-Sausage-Mushroom Pizzas.

Speedy: Geeze, those guys must be really hooked. Tell them there’s no time.

Ruth: No, wait. You guys go find Robby. Jefferson can cook up the Pizzas and I’ll deliver them while you’re gone.

Francine [touched]: Wow! You guys will do that?

Ruth: Sure. We got nothing else to do around here, so we might as well make a few bucks.

Francine [hugs Ruth]: Oh Ruthie, you’re the greatest!

Speedy: Well, that settles it. Come on guys, let’s move out!

[The cats move towards the ovens, and GB flaps out the door. As Speedy walks away, however, Naomi grabs his arm.]

Naomi: Mr. Cerviche?

Speedy: Yes?

Naomi: Please… Try not to hurt him too much.

Speedy [hesitates for a moment] (sincerely): We’ll try.

[Naomi lets go, and Speedy runs off. We see the cats get launched again, this time skipping the transformation sequence and Jefferson’s rhyme. Back at the parlor, Ruth rises from her seat and cracks her knuckles.]

Ruth: Ok. Jefferson, get the pizzas ready. Naomi, you’re coming with me.

Naomi: I am?

Jefferson [guessing where this is leading]: Uh oh.

Ruth: Of course. Look, by now Don Costanza has probably modified Robby to be some sort of war machine. If you want to get him back in one piece, we’re going to have to take action. We’ll deliver the Pizzas to Guru Lou and Speedy’s brother Scott, and while we’re there we’ll see what we they can cook up to stop Robby-boy without sending him to the junkyard!

Jefferson: Nice plan. Of course you left out the part where you go behind the team’s collective back. Not to mention your sister, who expressly forbade you from playing hero.

Ruth: I told you, Polly doesn’t scare me. Besides, if I don’t do this, they’ll destroy him. They’ll try not to, but in the end they’ll have no choice.

[Jefferson throws up his hands as if to say, "Whatever. It’s not my life I’m risking," and walks back into the kitchen. Ruth turns to Naomi, an eager grin on her face.]

Ruth: Ready?

Naomi [takes a deep breath]: As ready as I’ll ever be.

[Moments later, the two girls are blasted out of the cannon. As they soar over Little Tokyo, Ruth’s expression is one of exhilaration. Naomi’s is one of terror.]

Ruth [excited]: YAAHOO! HELLO, LITTLE TOKYO!

Naomi [terrified]: GOODBYE, LUNCH!

[They continue to soar, finally reaching Mt. Kootchi. Naomi’s face grows more and more terrified.]

Naomi [points]: TREE!

Ruth [seeing what Naomi is pointing to]: YAHHHH!!!

[And the two girls crash directly into a large tree overlooking Guru Lou’s house. Fortunately, they landed rather high and got caught in the branches rather than slamming into the trunk. At that moment, the door opens and Speedy’s younger brother Scott exits the house. He looks up into the tree and sees the girls.]

Scott [yelling to Guru Lou]: Boss! The food is here!

[Moments later the girls are inside the house. They are a little scraped up, but mostly ok.]

Guru Lou [looking Naomi over]: So, you’re the one who built that android Speedy and the others are looking for?

Naomi: Yes, that’s right.

Guru Lou & Scott [bowing and chanting ala Wayne’s World]: WE’RE NOT WORTHY! WE’RE NOT WORTHY!

Naomi [to Ruth]: Are they always this weird?

Ruth: I wish I could tell you, but it’s my first time meeting them too. [to Scott and Lou] Shut up! We don’t have time for this. Speedy and the others are looking for Robby as we speak, but we need something that’ll stop him without damaging him.

[Guru Lou and Scott have stopped, and are pondering the situation. Suddenly, Scott snaps his fingers.]

Scott: I think I have an idea. Hold on a sec, I’ll need to check his specifications and load the personality matrix.

[Scott runs off to the computer. The others watch him work.]

Naomi [to Lou]: Are you sure he knows what he’s doing?

Guru Lou: Oh, of course. Scott’s a whiz of a lab assistant. By now it’s kinda hard to imagine life around here without him.

Ruth: He’s kinda cute too. It must run in his family. [Lou humphs and turns away. Ruth follow him.] Uh, Guru Lou? Sir, there’s one other thing I wanted to ask you.

Guru Lou [turns back to her, curious]: Yes, what’s that?

Ruth: What can you do for me in the way of battle armor?

[Lou grins. Cut to the streets of Little Tokyo. Once again, a crowd of spectators is watching in horror at the chaos caused by Roland and the Ninja Crows. Except this time most of the chaos is being caused by Robby, who now resembles more of an armored Mewtwo with bunny ears. With cold, emotionless fury, he tears into buildings and tosses people around like baseballs.]

Roland [clearly enjoying the spectacle]: Who cares if this guy takes my place? This is the best entertainment I’ve had in years!

Speedy [off screen]: Glad you’ve been having fun, worm breath, cause it’s game over now!

Roland: You guys again! Don’t you know when to quit?

Guido [off screen]: When to quit? We don’t even know the meaning of the word!

Polly [same]: That’s right! The Q section of our dictionary has a misprint.

Roland: Then someone ought to teach you cats a lesson!

[Cue the intro sequences. Spotlight on Francine, whose form is silhouetted.]

Francine: Sorry to disappoint you, Roland, [As her form lights up, she pops out her wrist-swords and crosses them] but school’s out!

GB [also silhouetted against a spotlight]: Of course you’re welcome to take the summer course. In which case [His form lights up, and he unsheathes his sword with a twirl] we’ll be the ones teaching the lessons!

Guido [holding the Sunspot over his face]: First day of Ninja Crow training, Roland- [reveals his face] Superheroes don’t like people messing with their home turf!

Polly [playing her flute]: I know these lessons seem a little harsh at times. Just remember teaching is an act [blows a kiss] of love!

Speedy [rises from a kneeling position]: If you learn nothing else from this encounter, just remember the most important rule:

All [in unison]: Don’t mess with the Pizza Cats!

Roland [annoyed]: You know, with all five of you doing ‘em those intros are getting really draggy! [Calms down and is now strangely smug.] Next time you might want to consider not giving my buddies time to surround you.

[It’s true. While the cats were busy doing their intros, the Ninja Crows surrounded them. They are now closing in with their weapons drawn.]

Speedy [gulps]: Ok guys, from now on we skip introductions and get straight to kicking tail.

GB: Nuts, I was just starting to enjoy doing mine.

Guido (half-kidding): That’s cause you’re a gloryhound, GB.

[The crows charge them and the cats leap into the air, letting the crows run into each other.]

GB [landing]: Hmph. Look whose talking, Anchovy.

Francine [surveys the unconscious crows]: Well that was almost too easy.

Roland: No, that was completely too easy! ANDROID, DESTROY THEM!

[Wordlessly, Robby leaps at the Pizza Cats. As he lands, he punches his fist downward towards Speedy. Speedy barely leaps out of the way, and Robby’s fist slams into the ground where Speedy stood. Almost too quick to see, Robby stands up and punches Speedy in the face. His fist lands like a pile driver, and Speedy is knocked back. Roaring in fury, Polly launches a heart bomb at the android but its armor shields it from most of the damage. She charges at the mechanized menace, but it grabs her by the neck and hurls her into a brick wall. Polly remains conscious, but is dazed from the impact. Guido and GB try to double team Robby, but he smashes their heads together and knocks them out. Francine lunges at him with her wrist-mounted sword but Robby grabs it and twists her arm behind her back, immobilizing her. Seeing Speedy and Polly have recovered and are ready to mount a second attack, Robby brings Francine’s other sword up to her neck, threatening to slice her throat with her own sword if they try anything.]

Francine: Finish him guys!

Robby (menacingly): Not a smart move!

[He pulls hard on the arm behind Francine’s back. She screams in pain, as her shoulder is dislocated. Guido stirs awake at her scream and tries to rise to help her, but he’s still too woozy.]

Polly [to Speedy]: We have to do something, Speedy! He’s going to kill her.

Speedy: You’re right. Try to distract him so he let’s Fran go. I’ll get into position for a Cat’s Eye Slash.

Polly: Got it. [They run off in opposite directions.]

Speedy: <Naomi, I’m sorry. I tried.>

[Polly gets into position, whips out a heart dart, and fires it with her wrist mounted crossbow. It smacks right into the side of Robby’s head, momentarily stunning him and causing him to drop Francine. Fran lies on the ground, clutching her arm in pain. Furious, Robby turns towards Polly.]

Robby [grabbing Polly by her arm]: Scream for me, you little witch.

[Robby grabs the chest plate of Polly’s armor and begins to squeeze. His ultra strong muscles begin squeezing through the armor. Polly is unable to free herself, and Robby prepares to rip a hole in her chest plate.]

Voice [from off screen]: STOP IT!

[Speedy, Polly, Robby, and Roland all turn towards the source of the voice. It came from a young, female, cat in lavender Pizza Cat armor. Behind her is Naomi Hellstrome, holding an open laptop computer.]

Ruth [spotlight on her]: I understand you aren’t in control of your actions, Robby. But I’m warning you, if you hurt my sister [leaps down from the roof, swiping her sword in front of her] I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!

Polly [a mixture of anger and fear]: Ruth, what are you doing!? Get out of here!

[With a tremendous effort, Robby hurls Polly at Ruth. Polly’s chest plate shreds as it’s ripped from Robby’s grasp. Ruth manages to catch her sister without either of them getting hurt badly. Robby leaps after Ruth but Ruth is too quick for him and leads him on a wild goose chase, occasionally tossing Ninja Stars and smoke bombs to slow him down. When she finally stops to fight him, she nimbly avoids his blows but does not seem to mount any sort of offensive of her own.]

Ruth [barely avoiding a jack hammer-like punch]: Ok Naomi, DO IT NOW!

[Naomi presses a button on the laptop, and the information on it is downloaded into Robby’s system via a wireless modem connection. Robby seizes up as the information overrides his system. In an instant, Robby’s old personality and memories are restored.]

Robby [stares up at Naomi]: Naomi?

Naomi [leaps down from the roof]: Robby!

[The two of them run towards each other and embrace. The Pizza Cats, all of whom have recovered by now, watch and smile. Most of the crowd is confused by this turn of events. Some, however, enjoy the happy reunion. Robby sheds his helmet, revealing his face and some of the circuitry on the sides of his head, and leans down to kiss Naomi. Suddenly he grimaces as if in pain, and staggers back.]

Naomi (concerned): Robby! What’s wrong?!

Robby: I-I can’t m-move!

[Robby stands frozen for a moment, then begins to move erratically. Suddenly he begins to attack buildings and people again, only this time it’s clear he doesn’t want to.]

Robby (panicking): Naomi! Help me!

[Speedy looks over at Roland and notices that he is mimicking Robby’s actions. Actually, it’s the other way around. Roland mimes a particular action and moments later Robby performs it.]

Speedy: <Roland is controlling Robby! Fat Bunny must have rigged Roland’s armor to act like a puppeteer’s suit! Which means, if I short out the suit-> [goes into the Cat’s Eye Slash sequence] <I can put an end to this!> Hey, Roland!

Roland [turns to Speedy]: Huh?

Speedy [about to release the slash]: HEADS UP! HYAH!

[Speedy releases the slash directly at Roland. Roland does not have time to dodge before the blast slams into him and tosses him through a store window. Once again, Robby seizes up and collapses. Roland’s suit has been shorted out, and Roland himself is unconscious and very badly injured.]

Naomi: Robby! [runs forward to examine him] Are you ok?

Robby (weakly): I feel Pinnochio fell into a wood chipper.

Naomi [after looking hin over]: You need extensive repairs. We should get you back to Guru Lou’s. He and Scott can help me.

Speedy [helping GB up]: You ok, bud?

GB: I think so. Guido sure has a hard head.

Guido [with Francine on his arm]: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Francine’s hurt bad.

Francine [grimacing in pain]: It’s not as bad as it looks.

Speedy: GB, help Guido get her to the hospital. I’m going to go check on Polly.

GB: Right.

[GB helps Guido carry Francine off, while Speedy walks over to Polly. Polly is sitting on a bench talking to Ruth, her undershirt showing through the huge hole in her chest plate. Aside from the hole, she is fine.]

Polly [to Ruth] (angry): I thought I told you not to get involved! When are you going to learn to listen to me?

Ruth (nonchalant): Obviously never.

Speedy: Actually, I thought she did a great job.

Polly [glares at him]: Who asked you? This is between her and me!

Speedy: Well actually, I think this should be a team decision. After all, taking on a new member effects all of us.

[Ecstatic, Ruth leaps up and hugs Speedy.]

Ruth [to Polly]: You got a great hubby here, sis. Remember that.

[Ruth walks off to help Naomi carry Robby back to Guru Lou’s. Polly continues to glare at Speedy, and he looks at her sheepishly.]

Speedy: You gotta admit, she’s got some good moves. I don’t think it could hurt to have her on board.

Polly [rising from her seat] (menacingly): You are going to pay for that.

Speedy [gulps and changes the subject]: A-are you ok? You took some pretty nasty hits there.

Polly [calming down, but still curt]: I’m fine. The armor is a different story. It’ll take weeks to get this fixed.

Speedy: Why don’t we follow them to Guru Lou’s? Maybe he can get it fixed sooner.

[Polly agrees, and the two of them follow Ruth, Naomi, and Robby to Guru Lou’s. Cut to FB’s lair. Elliot is presenting a status report to FB and the news is not good.]

FB: So, not only did the Pizza Cats manage to restore the Android’s memories, but they shorted out the puppeteer systems I installed. And to top it all off, they put Roland in a coma!

Elliot: That’s correct sir. The doctors aren’t sure when he’ll come out of it. They said anywhere from a few weeks to seven or eight months. [There’s a pause, as FB glowers.] It could be worse. At least he’ll recover, eventually.

FB: Yes well, in the meantime our need for a new lieutenant has become much more urgent, agreed?

Elliot (sarcastically): What are we going to do? Get a website?

FB: Don’t be snide, Elliot. The perfect ally could be right under our noses. We just need to know where to look.

[Cut back to Guru Lou’s house. Robby is lying on a table, being worked on by Scott and Naomi. Lou is taking a quick break to get something to drink and look over Polly’s armor. Polly is with him in her undershirt and armored pants, also surveying the damage. Speedy is watching TV on the couch. Ruth is curled up a few seats away, asleep.]

Guru Lou [to Polly]: You’re very lucky, Polly. There’s some extensive damage here. One more direct hit to the chest and you’d be in the big restaurant in the sky.

Polly: How long will it take to repair?

Guru Lou: Tough to say. We’re busy helping Naomi with Robby right now. He needs a lot of work. [thinks] Maybe by Thursday?

Polly [relieved]: Oh that doesn’t sound too bad.

[The phone rings, and Guru Lou goes over to answer it. Focus on Robby, Naomi, and Scott. Most of Robby’s armor has been removed now, and a lot of circuitry is showing. Naomi and Scott are busy replacing damaged circuitry.]

Robby (shakily): C-can you r-repair me?

Naomi: Shh. Don’t talk.

Robby [after a slight pause]: Y-you never told me I was an a-andriod.

Naomi [nods sadly]: I know. It was selfish of me. I’m sorry.

Robby: It’s ok. I-I think I understand.

Scott: That’s enough, kid. You still need a lot of work.

[Robby is silent from that point on. After a few moments, Guru Lou hangs up the phone.]

Guru Lou [calling to the others]: Hey, guys that was Guido! He and the others just got back from the hospital. Francine’s arm was dislocated, but she should be fine soon. [remembers something] Oh and he got a call from his brother, Romeo! He’ll be coming into town in about a week!

Polly (surprised): Really? Wow, I haven’t seen Romeo Anchovy in ages!

Speedy [rolling his eyes]: Just what we need: another Anchovy.

[Fade Out]

In the next episode of SPC: New Millenium

Seven [said over footage of a handsome tomcat schmoozing in the parlor]: Guido’s brother Romeo returns to Little Tokyo and joins Ruth as the two newest members of the Pizza Cats Rescue Team. [Shots of battles against the Ninja Crows, in which Ruth and Romeo take part.] Although Guido is initially uncomfortable about fighting alongside his brother, Romeo quickly proves his prowess in battle.

[Shot of a meeting between Fat Bunny and Roland.]

Seven: But even the added might of Ruth and Romeo may not be enough to thwart Fat Bunny’s latest scheme. [Shot of Romeo being wounded and knocked unconscious. Shot of him being held captive by Fat Bunny.] When Romeo is captured by the crime boss’s henchmen, Don Costanza develops a plan to use the elder Anchovy brother against the Pizza Cats.

[Shot of Romeo attacking Guido and battling the others.]

Seven: How does Fat Bunny plan to turn Romeo Anchovy against his brother and teammates? Will the Pizza Cats be able to reverse the process and return Romeo to his old charming self? Does anyone else but me notice these previews are a little formulaic? The answers (well most of them) can be found in New Millenium Episode 4: Blood Brothers.

Guest Voices

Naomi Hellstrome- Yeardley Smith

Robby- John Leguizamo

Scott Cerviche- Wayne Knight

Regular Cast Voices

Speedy Cerviche/ GB/ Meowzma O'Tool- Rick Jones

Guido Anchovy/ Spritz T. Cat/ Bat Cat/ Jerry Atric- Terrance Scammel

Polly Esther/ Polly Andry- Sonja Ball

Francine/ Carla- Pauline Little

Ruth Esther- Lori Petty

Al Dente`/ General Catton- A.J. Henderson

Princess Violet/Lucille Omitsu- Susanne Glover

Seymour "Big Cheese" Cheese- Dean Hagopian

Don "Fat Bunny" Costanza- Ted Lewis

Elliot Durly- John Mahoney

Roland Crow- Jake Busey

Josie Omitsu- Jackie Farrel

Jefferson Manx- Ted McGinley