Roger: [pleading] C'mon, Suze! Let me in! What'd I do?
Susanne: [from inside, she sounds *very* pissed] Figure it out!! If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!
Roger: I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!
Susanne: You're just saying that. You don't really care! Now leave me alone!
Roger: C'mon, Suze! Let me in! Tell me what's going on! Please!!
[silence from the inside of the room]
Orpheus: Uh, Roger? What's going on?
Roger: [slumps down and sits with his back against the door] I dunno... Susanne just got really mad at me for some reason. I don't know what's going on!
P-kun: Well, did you do something? Forget her birthday or something? Women hate that sort of stuff.
Roger: I DON'T KNOW!!! I've been thinking really hard, and I can't figure out what I did wrong. [mutters under his breath] Women... can't live with 'em...
[the door suddenly opens and Roger falls over. Susanne stands at the threshold, her aura sparking. The men fear for their lives]
Susanne: I heard that! Roger no baka!!! [Susanne draws back and punts Roger across the hallway, smashing him against another door. She slams her door closed again and locks it]
Orpheus: What the hell was that about?!?
Roger: ...
[the door behind him opens (yes, he falls over again) and we see Dionysus bodily ejected from the room and hits the opposite wall]
Celly: [tears are streaming down her face] YOU BASTARD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Dionysus: [moaning] ... Ce-ko... nani...? [he lapses into unconsciousness]
[the answer is the sound of a slamming and locking door, followed by loud sobs]
[there is a crashing sound from above, and the two Guardians look up. Orion comes through the ceiling, leaving a big hole. He lands on his head in the middle of the hallway. Thankfully, it looks like he was unconscious long before he was punted into orbit]
Mercy's voice: [yeah, she broke the speed barrier punting Orion into orbit] ORION NO BAKA!!!
P-kun: [surveying the three downed Guardians] This is getting weird...
[the sound of men yelling captures Orpheus and P-kun's attention. On the *other* end of the hallway, we see Zeke and Kell running for their lives. They are trying to dodge various objects being hurled in their general direction. Orpheus and P-kun watch silently as they see a book, a clock radio, a bureau and an oak door fly through the hallway, aimed at the two fleeing Guardians]
Zeke: OOOWWWW!!! Meredith (oof) what did I (ouch) do (groan)?!?
Kell: Dammit! (Ow!) Kristsi stop! (Argh) I don't know (moan) what I did...
[Meredith and Kristsi appear, still throwing things]
Kristsi: You know exactly what you did! [she pauses to throw a hair dryer at Kell] Don't try to lie about it!
Meredith: [hurls a lamp at Zeke] You men are scum! Get outta here and leave us alone!
Orpheus: [ducks the printer that flies over his head] Are we sensing a theme here, P-kun?
[gunshots interrupt the conversation. In front of them, the wall becomes pock-marked with bullet holes that look like the outline of a man. After a moment of silence, the outline falls over and Milton is seen, a blank stare in his eyes, gibbering incoherently]
P-kun: [idly kicks Zeke, who is unconscious (due to a waterheater) , as well as Kell (room air conditioner)] Oh yeah, big theme. I wonder whose turn it is next?
[speak of the devil]
Remy: [screaming] P-KUN... I HATE YOU!!!
[P-kun's head snaps up... but not in time to dodge Remy's hand as she slaps him. He spins 360 degrees and lands on the floor]
P-kun: [dizzily] Na-nani...?!?
Remy: [tosses him his pyjamas, a blanket and a pillow] Get outta my sight. Jerk! All you men are the same! [she gives him one last kick in the head, which sends him back across the hallway. He passes out near Roger. Remy tosses her hair and stalks away. Orpheus presses himself against the wall to get out of her way]
Orpheus: [frightened out of his mind] Ooohhh, man... I better get out of here, and fast!
Anaera: [coldly] Running away. That's so like you, Orpheus. [she takes a big spoonful of the mint chip ice cream that she is cradling in her arms]
Orpheus: [backing away slowly] Uh... listen... Anae... I...
Anaera: Don't try to make excuses, Orpheus. Jerk. Leave now before I hurt you.
Orpheus: [quickly] Sure! I'll go now! [he turns away]
[there is the sound of an ice cream container hitting the floor]
Anaera: [angry tone] HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!?!
Orpheus: Shit. [he closes his eyes and prepares for the blow that takes him to unconsciousness]
[Scene wipe]
[New scene. It is now nighttime at the Mori. All of the men have regained consciousness and have gathered in the living room. Around the living room are eight locked doors which lead to the girls' rooms. The men are standing around in their pyjamas. And bandages. ]
Milton: So, have you guys figured out why the girls all snapped like that?
Dionysus: The only thing I can think of is that the stress of the Game is wearing them down. Maybe they just needed to release some of their darker emotions.
Orion: What? By beating up on their Guardians? [he points at his head, which is wrapped in bandages] Look at that! Look at that! Do you know how long it'll take for that to heal?
Kell: You were lucky. [he winces as he tightens a bandage across his arm] Do you know that it took fifteen minutes before me and Zeke were able to get out of the room we were in with Kristsi and Meredith?
Zeke: [shudders and replaces the ice pack on his head] I'm gonna have nightmares for *years* because of that.
Roger: [looks around as well as he can with a black eye] Hey, has anyone noticed where Seth went off to? I haven't seen him around.
P-kun: [squinting at a bottle of iodine] No clue here. Maybe he got out before the girls snapped.
Dionysus: [looks up from where he his wrapping his ankle] Maybe. I mean, can you imagine what the girls would do to *that* hentai if they got their hands on him?
[the men all shudder and turn back to tending to their injuries]
Zeke: Uh... guys? We have a problem. [he points]
[the Guardians all look at what Zeke is pointing at. It is the one couch in the living room. The men all eye each other warily]
Dionysus: [mater-of-factly] Well, since Celly owns the Mori, that means I get the couch.
[he walks over to it, but Kell grabs his arm]
Kell: What do you mean *you* get the couch?
Roger: Yeah... since Celly owns the Mori and she's currently pissed at you, it means she *really* doesn't want you to have the couch.
Dionysus: [frowning, he crosses his arms and winces. He drops them back to his sides] I fail to see the logic in that.
Orion: Well, considering that none of us have pillows or blankets, I'd think that the couch wouldn't be the first problem.
[all eyes turn to P-kun]
P-kun: [clutches his pillow and blanket] Oh, no way! You guys aren't touching these! They're mine, dammit! I'm not giving them up!
[things degenerate to a fistfight among the Guardians as they fight over the pillow, blanket, and couch. The men end up in a dogpile and continue to beat the crap out of each other even as we hear the sound of fabric ripping and see feathers fly everywhere]
Zeke: Jerk! That was your fault!
Milton: Bakayarou! Get your elbow out of my eye!
Kell: Bastard! Give that back!
Orpheus: Wuss! How'd ya like that one?
Roger: Kuso! I'll do you for that!
P-kun: Hell no! That's mine!
Dionysus: I can't believe you did that! Take this!!!
Orion: Oh yeah? How about some knuckle sandwich?!?
[the fight moves to the couch, which is promptly broken with the weight of the eight Guardians fighting on it. Eventually, all of the Guardians lapse into unconsciousness again because of the multitude of injuries. They pass out in a large pile on the remains of the couch]
[a number of hours pass]
[Seth is seen sneaking in after a night on the town. He surveys the wreckage in the living room and whistles.]
Seth: Whoa... must have been some party.
[the Guardians stir and look at the latecomer]
Seth: Hey guys, what's up?
[there is angry mumbling from the pile of Guardians, who are still too out of it be very coherent]
Seth: [chuckling to himself] Why do you guys think I left so early? [chiding tone] Haven't y'all heard of PMS?
[eight bedroom doors swing open. Eight large hammers fly through the air. All eight hammers hit Seth in the head]
Girls: SHUT UP, SETH!!!
[the doors slam closed again]
Orion: [dazedly] ... had it coming to him... [passes out again]
[silence]