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Feelings 1
~Cherish a friend like your own life, love a sweetheart like your own soul~ by Anonymous. It had been weeks since I last kiss those soft lips of him. I'm in desperate need of his affection. Right now, what I feel surpasses hell. This is pure torture. Somehow I could sense that he wants it too. The way he looks at me with those yearning eyes. The way he sometimes brushes against me when we’re near. I could feel those burning desire within him. Though he rarely voice his needs. If it’s not for these minor details, I wouldn’t be able to detect. We promised each other that this little secret of ours would
remain lock. Even from the guys. They wouldn’t understand if we
suddenly say we’re in love with each other. How could they understand?
This is what they say about love. It is blind, when you’re trap within
it, there’s no turning back. My heart will forever be his. How could I
possibly deny this intense feeling. I would rather die than being send
away from him. If that were to happen I would. I would kill myself. To
love is to bind the souls of two individuals. Right now, I’m in need
of those lips. Desperately! I don’t care what the others might think
or what they will say. I will have MY Sage tonight in MY bed and
that’s final. My whole body is longing for his touch. I could still picture,
vividly the way he made love to me the first time. He was unbelievably
gentle and loving. I felt for him once again that night. He made me feel
wanted, desired for some reason and I love him for that. Was it because,
of my past that prevented me from loving others? I was a lonely kid back
than. I was just miserable without others to accompany me. Is it because
I’m not worthy of being in love that I feel so useless? The last time,
my diary had been my only source to seek solace but now I have Sage.
Thank you Sage, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. I feel that
he’s constantly protecting me with his aura, with his love though we
can’t show it. Speaking of Sage, where is he anyway? I haven’t seen
him all day. I’m beginning to miss him already. “Rowan!
Ya’ in the kitchen?” That must be Ryo. “Yeah!” “Your
up early. Not like you at all” “Want
anything for breakfast?” I playfully asked, ignoring his comments. “You?
Cook?” He asked incredulously, his lips were gradually forming a grin. “Yeah!
So?” I made a face and feigned hurt. “Rowan,
you can’t cook man. Face it! The last time you attempt to cook, it had
been hell in the kitchen.” Kento suddenly burst out laughing from
nowhere. Both Ryo and me spun around to look. “Hey!
I wuz’ learning. Wacca expect?” Simultaneously throwing an apple in
Kento’s direction, which he manages to catch. “Just
admit it guy! You can’t cook. Leave the cooking to Cye. At least he
wouldn’t burn down the kitchen. Ah ha ha ha!” Kento laughed his ass
off and Ryo follow suit. I
just glared at Ryo indicating my death-warning if he doesn’t stop
laughing. Seeing this, he wasn’t a bit intimidated. They just keep on
laughing. After a while of a ‘making fun of Rowan’ session, Cye
eventually show up. He has this baffle expression on his face, which is
so cute. I’m not forsaking my love. Just admiring the site that’s
all. “Hey,
Cye! What’s with the face?” I blurted out suddenly. Everyone stopped
laughing and regarded Cye. “Um?
What face? I was just sleepy. What’s going on here?” He tried to
change the subject. “You
wouldn’t believe what Rowan wanna do. Try and guess!” Kento put his
hand on Cye shoulders, leaning against him. “…” “Aw
c’mon Cye. Don’t tell me you’re all that sleepy!” Kento said
disappointedly and then he took a bite at his apple. “I really don’t know okey!” Cye rubbed his eyes and
began to walk towards the refrigerator. Kento
look at Ryo then at Cye then back at Ryo again. Ryo shrugged his
shoulder and made a funny face. “Maybe he wants to cook… coz’ there’s nothing in here I could eat! ” Cye abruptly said not expecting it to be true. At
that, statement, both Ryo and Kento dropped to the ground with their
feet in the air, laughing. “That’s
it! Am going for a walk!” I was just kidding; frankly I was heading
for the television. “Wow…
such a longs walk. Nice one Rowan. You had me fooled!” Ryo sneered
from the kitchen, his head slightly cocked to the site. I
just grin at him and perch on the couch in front of the TV. I wonder
what they have on air at this hour. I pick up the remote controller;
play with its buttons for a while. Frankly, I’ve no desire to do
anything at this time of the day. It’s Morning, for God sake!! I’m
not accustomed to the morning air. It makes me dizzy. I should still be
in ‘lala’ land. Today is so different somehow. After that darn alarm
clock woke me up, that’s it, I couldn’t go back to sleep! I just sit
there, letting the screen watch me instead. What do I really want? Could
the reason be ‘Sage’? “Hey
guys? Sage woke up already?” I asked out of the blue breaking their
petty conversation. “Huh?
Wazzat Rowan?” “Cye,
you really need to clean your ears!” Kento interrupted. “So,
has he?” I repeated my question, not even looking at them. “Has
he what?” I swear I am going to kill Kento one of these days. “Sage,
you baka! Sorry Ro, I haven’t seen him this morning.” Ryo butted in
just behind Kento and gave him a little smack on the head. “Itai!
That hurts!” “Just
forget it.” I sighed. “He
he ho ho! Don’t be mad Rowan; I was just playing with you. No offence
eh?” Kento said, rubbing his head. “Didn’t
he tell you?” Kento asked. “Tell
me what?” I asked expectantly. “That
he went out!” “He’s
not in bed?” I spun around to face Kento. “Nope,
just his ghost.” Kento joked. “Seriously,
did he say where he was going?” Somehow I just have to know. “Nope”
Kento replied. “Probably
on a date.” Ryo suggested. “I
doubt that.” I said almost whispering. “What
was that Rowan?” Cye asked. “Uh…no…nothing”
I stumbled to gave him answer. “Oh,
okay.” Cye resumed eating his breakfast. I
didn’t know he was up early. He didn’t tell me about planning a
morning walk or anything. If he informed me sooner, I would gladly join
him. Maybe he wants to be alone. Sage…I miss him so much. How could I
explain this? I can’t put it into words what I’m feeling. I
feel…empty, all alone. I want to see him smile just for me. I want him
to look into my eyes and say ‘Rowan, I love you’. I can hear his
soothing voice echoing at the back of my mind, kissing my neck, tracing
his fingers lightly on my jaw, nibbling my ears with his soft lips.
Shit! I love him. Oh, God I love him. I want to confess to him, not just
make love with him. I wanna say it out loud. I want him to know howt I
feel. I want him to know that he owns me and I’ll be his forever. Somehow,
I’m not really satisfied with what we recently discovered. Not that I
don’t like it, actually I was quite relieved to hear that he too have
unspoken feelings towards me. Me! Out of all people. It’s just that, I
was expecting something more out of him. Guess he’s not ready to face
the world yet. I don’t want to force him, because I love him too much
to put this blooming relationship at risk. Truthfully, I was rather
disappointed when he whispered in my ears that night, telling me to keep
this a secret. I just kept quiet. I felt secure in his arm; I just
don’t want to spoil that moment by arguing. I think he sensed my
discontentment coz’ right after that, he tighten his embrace and
whispered, ‘It’s just a matter of time Ro-chan, It’s just a matter
of time’. He knew me well. I almost cried. “Rowan?
You okey?” Ryo suddenly broke my reverie. “Hm…yeah.
Am alright.” I quickly wiped my eyes, just in time before the tears
fell down. “You
sure? Are you crying?” Ryo perched down beside me on the couch. My
answer wasn’t that convincing. Fortunately, the movie they’re
playing at the time was a sad drama about an orphan boy who suffered a
lot of shit in live. I’ve watched it a few times so I remember some of
the parts. “It
had you didn’t it?” Ryo asked all of a sudden. “Hmm…Yeah,
it had me. I can’t stand watching heartrending drama.” I grinned. Ryo
sat watching beside me for a while. I think he doesn’t really prefer
sad movies because he slowly beginning to rose. I wasn’t really into
this movie. I was just pretending to be engrossed about it to avoid
suspicion that’s all. “Where
you going Ryo? Come watch with me.” I insisted. “Naw,
I don’t like to be in the middle of some programs. Maybe I’ll rent
the tape or something. I gotta take a leak!” Ryo trotted to the
toilet. No
sooner after Ryo left, Cye inform me that Kento and him are going for a
walk. Great, now I’m all by myself. I hate this! I wish Sage were
here. At least he knows what to do with me. I smile at the thought of
being in his arms. “Ringgg!!!!!
RINGGGG!!” Darn phone. “Coming!”
I screamed to no one in particular. I
dropped the pillow and the remote controller I was holding and headed
for the phone. Who could it be? “Hello?” “…”
There was no answer. “Hellooo?”
I tried again. “…bizzz”
there was still no answer but this time it was accompanied by a rather
disturbing noise. “Hello!
Who ever this is, just stop playing games alright!!” I sarcastically
said, loosing my temper. “bizz…Listen
carefully Rowan.” A mans’ voice. It was pretty rough and It
doesn’t belong to anyone I know. “Who
is this? How do you know my name?” “Who
I am isn’t important. I’ve been monitoring your every move since the
beginning of this year and I know quite a lot about you. I’ve got your
friends and you have exactly one hour to get here. If you fail,
there’s no telling what I’ll do to them. Kill them maybe.” The
unfamiliar voice stated solemnly. ‘What?!
Why does this man want me? What did I do to him in the past that he
would somehow kidnap my friends to get me? Have I injured him or killed
someone he loved? I can barely remember killing innocence souls. Maybe
he’s one of the bad guys. How did he know my name and where did he get
my phone number? Gotta be some hidden device in this house. ‘ “Nani?!
I don’t believe you. Put them on the line!!” I shouted. A
few seconds later, “Rowan, don’t come he…ulp!” That was
undoubtedly Kento’s voice. He didn’t finish what he was saying. Oh,
God! What did they do to deserve this? Why didn’t the man just kidnap
me!! “Kento?!!
Kento!” I was apprehensive. It
wasn’t Kento anymore “Do you comply?” The man asked again. “If
you hurt them in anyway, I swear I’m going to hunt you down!” I said
in my most serious tone. “Do
you have any idea what your saying?” He said coldly. “I
mean it!!” I screamed. “Hush!
They will die if you tell a single soul about this call and if you do
not show up on time!” the man said. “I’ll
be there! Just don’t hurt them okay?” I said without even thinking.
I calmed down a little, my hands a bit clammy from the sweat. “We’ll
see. Now, listen carefully. I’m just going to read the address once.
There’s no repeating it twice. Once it’s done it’s done! If you
don’t hear it, that’s your problem. Your friends lives are in my
hands!” He reminded me. There
was a short gap before I have the guts to answer, “Give me the
address,” I demanded.
I
didn’t tell anyone about this occurrence not even Ryo. I told Ryo to
look after the house while everyone was away and that I was going to a
friends’ house. After closing the front door and locked it. I kept
looking at the house for a few minutes, absorbing its every structure in
my mind. Who knows what might happen. Maybe I’ll never see it again.
The man didn’t give me anymore further instruction or information. I
hope Sage isn’t one of the hostages. What am I thinking! There’re
all my friends. I can’t be selfish. What ever it is, I gotta save
them. It is me he wanted not them. I can’t forgive myself if anything
is to happen to them. What shall I do? Think Rowan! Think! I can’t
even concentrate; everyone around me seems to be the enemy. No one to
trust, no one! Can’t call the police either. This
is the place and I bet that’s the storage house he was talking about.
I check on the address again just to make sure. I began to look around
for any sign of movement but none exist. This place seems to be abandon
or something. No one could possibly live here anymore.
I inhale deeply and started walking slowly, headed for the old
mansion. I was instantaneously set in an alert mode. My eyes travel all
around the area to detect any odd situation. I don’t trust this man! I
can’t afford to lose, not now when my friends are in danger. They’re
counting on me to put an end to this. The man also warned me not to
bring any kind of weapon, which I reluctantly agreed. What I have in
store now is just faith. Faith alone. I stare at the wooden door for a
moment. Lifted my hand to knock on it. ‘You
sure you want to do it’ one side of me said. ‘You
have to save your friends! You must do it! You must knock now!’ the
other side opposed. ‘You’re
not ready for this!’ ‘You
MUST do it! He’ll kill them if you’re not in time!’ Suddenly,
to my consternation the wooden door cracked open by itself. I stumble
back a few steps to avoid attacks. Looks like there isn’t one. I then
slowly set forth. ‘Was
it the wind? Couldn’t have.’ I
just realize that the front porch is a bit dusty and there’re cracks
everywhere. I made a mental note to be extra careful not to… “Arggghhhh!!
Shiiii..t…t…tttt!!” …accidentally
step into one of the cracks. The pain is too intense for me endure. My
leg is bleeding. I clench my teeth tightly almost to point of hurting
myself. ‘ I can’t black out now, nooo! I mustn’t but I can’t …Oh! I can’t anymore. It hurts….’ Blackness’
To Be Continue... Chapter 1 | Chapter 3
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