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Fidelity Is Vital 1 :::
Rukawa's POV :::
The sun rises each passing days, almost a ritual to me. Was
wondering ...will tomorrow be the last? You never know. Beautiful
scenery. The same goes for sunset. I find it hard to comprehend, what is
so tough about confessing your love to one another? Is it like lifting
mountains from China to South Africa? I doubt that anyone could even
lift the pile of rocks behind my house. This is downright frustrating.
One moment she said she'll be there for me and the next thing she
just dumped me. I'm so furious. Sweet face indeed but she's corrupted
inside. I was blind; I was so blind to have felt for that idiot. A siren
indeed! Such lies, such betrayal. I can't live with myself knowing that
someone I truly love eventually froze my warmth. Just drop it onto a
tile ground, probably you could hear it shatters like glass. I
could actually feel my heart being ripped off from my body and that the
scar is still there. Trust? Hah! There's no such nonsense. All there is
to this cruel world are betrayal and prejudice. Tell me about love and
I'll scorn you to death.
I was stupid enough to believe that someone could possibly open
their heart for me, felt for their pranks. Hate
me all you want but there's no space for affection in my empty heart,
just contaminated air. I had always been alone ever since she left me
and I intend to keep it that way. Dad left me...us, for another world,
mom was too busy handling her job. She kept herself busy just so that
she wouldn't think about dad so much. Feigned everything including her
happiness and ours, my youngest sister, Mika and me. Life
must goes on and so do I but one ordeal is enough. I am never...I could
never fell for anyone ever again. It hurts too much. Just because of
her, I'm now heading for my new school in the Kanagawa district. I don't
care where it is as long as I don't have to see any residual places when
were together. I need to clear my mind and settle down for a while.
Well...it wasn't just her frankly. It was everything... with Mom loosing
herself after dad died, Though
I've succeeded in getting rid of some of the reminders...still it wasn't
enough. We used to walk hand in hand as any typical lovers would do, we
used to be inseparable and to some point reluctant to part and we used
to lie together on the piling foliage, beneath the Sakura tree...our
favorite spot, was...our favorite spot just to see the sun setting. If I
could snap my fingers and make the sun vanishes, I swear I would but
that's just wishful thinking. "Fuuh.."
I let out a relief sighed, simultaneously airing my fringe. Man... It's
getting long, need to have a haircut. No
point in hurting my mind thinking about the past. Thinking about that
irrelevant 'someone'. The hovering cloud on the other side of the
airplane's windows seems to agree with my notion. Flowing languidly like
a deep, blue river except that it doesn't have any seaweed or fish in
it. So unalloyed and carefree. Aunt
Shiori agreed to let me stay with her since all her children had either
been married or living in their own house. Though sometimes they would
occasionally visit her or send some money. Her husband is long gone in
some tragic car accident. I wonder how's she doing right now. It's
been...what? Six? Eight? Years since I last saw her. Thank
God she's not like mom, Aunt Shiori's a strong woman and managed to
gather herself together. She raised her children till they could stand
on their own two feet. Each day was another new adventure. Wish Mom was
like that. The day Dad died, Mom died with him. Back home was just a
living corpse. I just hope whatever curse was bestowed upon her mind
would subside. Don't worry Mom...I just need some time alone. I'll be
back, I promise. Take care of Mika when I'm gone. "Mika..."
Thinking of her made me sad all over. Is Mika really gonna be alright
with Mom? Will she eat right? Who's gonna fetch her after school ends?
Will she be mad at me? What about her bed times story? Who's gonna read
it to her? All these questions clouded my mind since the beginning.
She's just a little kid for God sake. Am I doing the right think,
leaving them behind...alone? The
wind swirled softly on the other side, creating a tiny vortex of wind. 'Kaede
Oniisan? Do you really have to go? Don't you love us anymore?' I heard
her said just before I finished packing. I
didn't stop stuffing the bag when she quietly crept into my bedroom the
other night but as soon as she said those few words, everything
faltered. Nothing made sense anymore. I couldn't help myself but to feel
utterly speechless. Guilt was welling up inside of me, thumping against
the brick wall, just waiting for the final moment to be called out. For
once, I didn't know what to say. Her usually soulful eyes were tainted
with sheer pain but she kept her face neutral. Managed a smile for me
even though it hurts. I could see it through her very eyes; the eyes
that had always made me feel wanted and loved. So innocent and
curious-like even. One smile was enough to brighten my day but when
she's sad... it's like someone took the daylight away from me. "Mika...
Forgive Oniisan." I said just that and knowing me fully well, she
left without saying a word. I knew she was hurting but reasoning with
her will only make things worse. I'm
not the type that flares emotion constantly. Heck, I barely show any
emotion to strangers even Mom sometimes. She was pretty ticked off at
times too. Why should I be happy or sad or feign anything else that
matters to other people when they don't really care about you. It's
different with Mika though. With her around, I just feel the urge to
keep on smiling. Like I have a purpose...a real purpose to actually
reveal my shinning teeth. The last thing I wanna do is hurt her
feelings. I felt like such a jerk. Knowing that I was the person to be
blamed for bringing such intensity in her life was a living hell. I left
when I knew that she needed someone to be there and guide her...like a
big brother should have done. *sigh* Maybe I should have brought her along with me to stay with Aunt Shiori. She once said that Kanagawa was a pretty decent place after all. It's too late now I guess. I should have thought about it earlier but even so, Mom will surely be against it. She was pretty upset about letting me go. I heard a gentle weeping the other night through the thin devider between my room and hers. The wooden wall didn't do a great job, obviously.
to be continue: *sigh* I did a cliffhanger again T_T
chapter 2
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