“Can't believe I'm doing this,” I muttered. With a sigh, I set my notebook and a bottle of water on the table. If I was lucky, it wouldn't take long.

But luck hadn't been kind to me lately.

Several months ago my muse had deserted me, leaving me and several unfinished stories behind. Now she had left before but she had always returned after a while. I thought it was just another one of those times.

I was so wrong.

Days stretched into weeks. Weeks went into even more weeks. Finally months went by without any sign of her return. Not even a post card.

I got tired of waiting.

I eyed the line of auditionees. It was a motley crew. This at least should be interesting.

I clapped my hands, quickly getting everyone's attention. “Okay, people, let's get started. I'm Allura99 or simply Allura. I want to thank each of you for coming to audition to be my new muse. Now, if the first applicant would please step forward...”

As I settled into my seat, a small, teddy bear-like creature moved forward. “Hi, I'm Cuddlezar.”

“Excuse me?” I racked my brain for any idea of what place this creature came from. And I was coming up with nothing.

“I am Cuddlezar.” At my continued confused look, it became indigent. I suddenly noticed its lizard tail as it twitched in agitation. “Cuddlezar! Cuddlezar! From Tiny Battle Monsters! How do you not know who I am!”

This was not going well. “Um, I don't watch your show.”

“But you write anime! I'm huge in Japan!”

“I don't write all anime,” I explained, “and not everything I write is anime. I'm sorry, Cuddlezar. I don't think we'd work well together.”

“Well, obviously,” Cuddlezar muttered. It threw its audition number down in disgust and stomped out of the room.

I scratched Cuddlezar's name off the list. “Next.”

A bubbly blonde with purple streaks in her hair skipped forward. “Hi, I'm Mrs_Jasper_Hale_Ichigo_Weasley!”

“That's some name.”

“You like it! I use to be SailorPokemonPrincess but then I totally fell in love with Harry Potter. But of course, I also completely love Twilight and Bleach and Gossip Girl. OMG! You've seen Gossip Girl, right? Because I have this completely genius idea...” She paused to breathe.

“I'm sorry,” I interjected, “but I don't think this is going to work.”

“But you haven't heard my totally genius idea about Serena and Nate. Oh, you know I'll probably change my—I mean our—name.”

“I'm sorry but I don't think this...”

“Oh I got it!” she cried. “Mrs_Hale_Weasley_Archibald would be perfect, wouldn't it!”

“No, I don't think...”

“No?” She paused. She slowly titled her head in confusion. “What do you mean “no”?”

“I don't think we're going to work out.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I've never watched Gossip Girl and I've only seen two episodes of Bleach.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Totally fixable with a GG marathon. Oh, I have ideas for a hot Vampire Diaries fic. Actually, I have five ideas. You drink Red Bull right?”

I opened my mouth to answer but she continued on. “Of course you do. And who sleeps at 3 am anyway? We can totally get them all done tonight.”

“But I have a job!” I hadn't meant to shout but I couldn't get her to stop talking.

“What? A job!” She took a step back as if I announced that I had a terrible disease. “This is so not going to work. Besides, I could never work with someone who has never seen Gossip Girl or Bleach or Vampire Diaries or....” She was still listing shows and books and anime as she walked out.

“Next,” I called as I searched my purse for some Tylenol.

“Hello, I am called Thalia. I would like to offer my services as a muse.”

I abruptly stopped searching for Tylenol. I tried to suppress a flicker of hope as I looked at the potential muse. She was about my age and was dressed in a nice coat and heels.

“Tell me more about yourself.”

“I have been a muse for several years. My last author recently decided that she did not have enough time to continue writing.”

“What type of writing do you like to inspire?”

She suddenly ripped open her coat. Underneath she was wearing a black leather corset, garters and spike leather wrist cuffs. My jaw dropped to the table when she pulled a small whip out of her pocket. There were several appreciative murmurs from the guys and some of the girls in line.

Thalia grinned. “A little bondage could be a whole lot of fun.”

“Um, thanks, Thalia, but I don't write lemons.”

“Really?” I nodded. She shrugged her coat back on. “Just let me know if you want to try it sometime.” With a wink, she walked out.

A potential muse further back in line raised her hand. “Is that a firm line?”

“Yes, I'm a kiss-and-fade-to-black kind of writer.”

“Good to know,” she replied. She and a couple of other muses got out of line and walked out.

The next three muses were okay but not particularly inspiring. I thanked each for their time. Each thanked me for the opportunity. The polite interactions were a very welcomed change. I marked each as a maybe.

A thin young Asian man was next. He bowed to me. “I am Yukio. I humbly offer my services as a muse.”

I bowed back. I hadn't really considered a male muse. But Yukio was making me open to the idea. “What type of writing do you like to inspire?”

The next guy in line joined Yukio's side. I was about to ask what was going on when they were suddenly engaged in a serious kiss. I cleared my throat several times, getting progressively louder, but the attention of Yukio and his friend were only on each other.

“Excuse me,” I called. Reluctantly they pulled apart. “Thank you but I really don't write lemons, including yaoi. I rarely write slash at all.”

“If you are sure.” Yukio bowed again and left with his friend.

I rose from the table. After nearly two hours of auditions, all I had was three maybes. This was proving to be a disaster.
“Did anyone actually read my bio?” A few raised their hands hesitantly. “For those of you who didn't, I tend to write drama for a wide variety of fandoms. I need a dependable, jack-of-all-trades type of muse. If you don't have these qualities, please go. Let's not waste each other's time.”

About half the line left. Only about six remained. With a sigh, I sat back down. Maybe I could get Jo to expand the old Fanlib Temp Agency to have a muse division or something. “Next.”

A woman stepped forward. She gave a very long, very detailed list of previous authors and the variety of fandoms she and her authors had been involved in. It was quite impressive. She should be the perfect muse. But I was finding her boring rather than inspiring.

Suddenly the side door slammed open. A tall blonde strolled into the room. She peered over her sunglasses at the line and scoffed. “Auditions, Allura? Really?”

“Well, I was getting rather desperate, Althea.”

“Apparently,” she replied. “Okay, show's over. Move along.”

There was grumbling as the remaining potential muses left. Althea waved at them as they passed. “Buh-bye now.”

As the door closed one more time, I glanced up at my muse. “That wasn't very nice.”

“Whatever.” She dropped a bag on the table. “I brought ya some stuff from Vegas. Now you can't say I didn't think about you while I was gone.”

“How thoughtful of you.”

She grinned, ignoring my sarcasm. She dropped into the empty char beside and cracked her knuckles. “Now, where were we? Ah, yes, Ron and Hermione. One of our favorite couples.”

I began to write and Althea prattled on and on. She wasn't the most dependable muse and I knew that she would likely abandon me again and again. But she was my muse and she was back.

For now.