One of the most original writers in American literature is also one of the most spoofed and imitated:  namely, Gertrude Stein.  What Stein has done for modern literature is to offer a definitely unique style of writing; she has been studied and interpreted by those who dare to try to explain just what kind of crack she was on at the time.
    To provide an idea of Stein's narrative, here are a few excerpts from her novel, Ida:
 
    "She was married to Gerald and she and Gerald were just as old as ever but that did not bother them.  They talked together at least some time every day and occasionally in the eveing but that was all and when they talked she called out to him and he did not answer and he called out to her and mostly she did not answer but they were sometimes in their home together.  Anyway they were married and had been for quite some time." (Stein, Gertrude.  Ida.  New York:  Random House, Inc., 1941, p.88.)

    "Dogs are dogs, you sometimes think that they are not but they are.  Ane they always are here there and everywhere." (100)

    "Yes Love she said to him, you have always had me and now you are going to have two, I am going to have a twin yes I am Love, I am tired of being just one and when I am a twin one of us can go out and one of us can stay in, yes Love yes I am yes I am going to have a twin.  You know Love I am like that when I have to have it I have to have it.  And I have to have a twin, yes Love." (10-11)
 

    What you are about to read is the brain-hurting crossover of the Ranma 1/2 story into Gertrude Stein's unique narrative style.  All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission, yada yada yada.  Honestly, though, I think that the only thing this proves is just how much of a literary nerd I am.  Just thought I'd share...

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    There once was this pig yes a little black pig who was not really a pig but he was and when he was he was P-Chan.  And everyone knew it only some people didn't and you had to wonder who did and who didn't because it was so obvious sometimes.  But Akane never knew or maybe she did and she didn't want anyone to think she did.
    Sometimes Akane would hit Ranma with a mallet yes a big wooden mallet and it hurt and Ranma would say hey what was that for and Akane would call him a pervert.  That was Akane.  And Ranma would call P-Chan Ryouga and Ryouga P-Chan.  But Akane never knew or maybe she did and she didn't.  She slept with P-Chan when she was resting.
    It was like that man named Kunou who was in love with two women only one was really a man but that didn't matter because he didn't know and they didn't love him anyway.  That was Kunou.
    There was a lot of talk about marraige but no one really got married and some people wanted to and some people didn't but they did want other people but that's how it was.  And nobody got married.  Some of it had to do with the fact that some people could cook yes food was so important because people like to eat or so they think and Akane tried but when she did try she was not so good and people didn't like her cooking but nobody died and that was a good thing.
    Ukyou loved Ramna yes she did or maybe she thought she did.  Ranma told her she was cute and that set things off for her.  Ukyou made pizza only it wasn't really pizza it was okonomiyaki which is Japanese pizza.  She also hit peole with a giant spatuala and she wore little spatulas in a bandolier that was Ukyou.
    Ukyou loved Ranma who was a man but he was also a woman but that was okay because Ukyou dressed up like a boy.  Tsubasa liked her and Konatsu liked her but they were boys and they dressed up like girls and that would have been okay but Ukyou didn't like them.
    Ryouga was a man.  Yes a man a man a man except when he wasn't but when he was (and even when he wasn't) he loved Akane and sometimes he would cry and think about Akane.  Whe he talked to himself yes he talked to himself but it was normal no one seemed to mind because he was alone on the rooftop.  He would say oh Akane if only you knew or he would say Ranma prepare to die.  Yes Ryouga hated Ranma.  That was Ryouga.
    Shampoo also loved Ranma yes she did and she made ramen but she was from China and so she had to marry him.  When she wasn't Shampoo she was a cat.  Ranma hated cats and they made him turn into a cat but not a real cat he only thought he was one, and sometimes yes sometimes he was a girl who thought she was a cat but Shampoo no mind.  Shampoo couldn't speak but she loved Ranma oh yes but Mousse loved her but she didn't.  Mousse was the kind of person who would hug a tree.  Yes he would hug a tree if he thought it was Shampoo but he couldn't see and people liked to laugh at him.
    Everybody either hated each other or loved each other.  When they loved it made other people hate and when they hated they fought each other.  There was a lot of pain yes they hurt a lot but they were martail artists so it was their duty.  That was Ranma 1/2.