Ace Sanchez (email: jsa@fl.net.au | www: http://jsa.users.fl.net.au/)

(Standard disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and its associated characters created
by Rumiko Takahashi. Disclaimer and its associated words created by me)

______________________

Blonde 1/2
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Part 6 P-P-P-Pervert! Where's A Sandbox When You Need One?


Rain fell in earnest as the storm raged above the Tokyo night sky. The
streets of Nerima were empty except for a dark figure walking somewhat
drunkenly around the brightly lit street lights. With only a red bamboo
umbrella protecting him from the cold, hard rain, Ryoga struggled along,
still weak from the battering he had received earlier in the day.

He stopped. In front of him, if his calculations were correct, was the
Tendo Dojo. Where his true love lived.

Carefully, jumping over the wall and sneaking across the width of the
house, he found a likely entrance. He forced the window open and
carefully slid inside. He was just lowering his leg from the window sill
and closing his umbrella when a woman's voice interrupted him.

"May I help you Sir?"

Ryoga paused, frozen in confusion. He slowly turned around. A woman 
behind a counter was looking at him expectantly.

"You are new here, no? Well you're sure a cutie! I'll send you Sayuri
since she likes the strong and muscular type. Rates are ten thousand yen
an hour."

Ryoga sweated. "Sorry, wrong house ..."


~*~*~*~


It was getting close to dawn and it was still raining when Ryoga finally
found the correct house. He had even investigated the structure at the
back to make sure it really was a dojo. To his immense relief, there was
a sign to confirm that this was indeed the right place. The Tendo dojo.
Where his true love lived. At least she better live here or those
Furinkan boys would be much sorer than they already were when he was
through with them.

He stepped quietly around the perimeter of the house, holding his
umbrella steadily in a forty-five degree angle to ward off the
unrelenting rain. After some searching, he found the side entrance and
forced it open quietly. Before stepping inside, he gently shook his
umbrella to shake the excess water off and folded it closed. Gathering
his courage, he slipped into the house.

The halls were dark and silent as he carefully stepped through, wondering
where *she* slept. On light feet, he quickly searched through the house
for the bedrooms, even going upstairs. Finally, a faint sound of people
breathing came to him as he passed a hallway.  This was it! He pressed
himself parallel to the walls, and sidestepped to the first door inside.
It was slightly open. He could hear some muffled moaning inside.

"Oh Ranma ... zzzz ... I'm your fath-er ... it's not right that you want
... to do that ... oh ... ok ... if you insist."

Someone else was crying inside. "R-Ranma I must not betray my wife's
mem-ory like this ... oh to heck with it, you're too irresistible ... zzz
snore ..."

Blood rushed to Ryoga's face. He began to jerk the door open, but then
saw through the crack that it was just two middle-aged men, one bald and
the one with dark hair, talking in their sleep. 

He moved on to the next door. There was a little wooden duck-shaped sign
on the door which said 'Kasumi'. Ryoga shuddered, but he pressed his ear
to the door to listen inside anyway. The girl might be sharing a room
with one of the Tendo girls. After a few seconds of concentration, he
could hear a faint sound of laughter. Maniacal laughter.

"Yes! Take that! HAHAHAHA!"

Ryoga almost fell backwards, terrified. He quickly sidestepped towards the
next door, eyeing the entrance of the bedroom in abject fear. When he
felt he was at a safe enough distance that even if that girl suddenly
jerked the door open and charged him, he could escape, he sighed in
relief. He turned back around and examined the next bedroom. This one had
'Nabiki' written on the little duck sign attached to it. 

He pressed his ear to the door. Someone was moaning inside too. "Oh ... 
spank me harder ... please ..."

Weird girl, Ryoga thought, shaking his head. The next door was that
girl's. Akane, if he remembered her name correctly. It was silent. He was
about to try to open it a slight crack to see if his love was inside,
when he spied the door of the next room. A piece of paper that was cut in
the shape of some deformed looking bird that might have been a duck was
sticky-taped messily on it. 'Ranma' was written in a haphazard, wiggly
scrawl.

Ryoga eagerly bounded over to it, almost forgetting to keep quiet. At
last! He grasped the door handle and opened it, not even noticing the pop
of the metal when the lock broke.

Ever so slowly, he inched the door open, alert for any squeaks that the
movement might give off. Gradually, more and more of the room was
revealed to his eyes. The darkness was interspaced with random flashes of
lightning, brightening the shadows.

His heart began to beat faster in his chest as he stepped in and saw
*her* lying on a futon by the window. He felt his nose begin to tickle, a
tell-tale sign that it would burst out bleeding soon. He hastily
unwrapped a bandanna from his head and held it to his nose as he inched
closer to the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

When he felt that he was close enough that he was safe from bursting out
in blood spontaneously, he sat himself down on the floor to watch her.
The random flashes of lightning made her an eerie but beautiful sight,
her silky pale hair seemingly glowing with an energy of their own. She
had half shrugged off her covers and was sleeping on her side, her face
turned towards him. His breathing quickened as he studied her flawless
features in mesmerisation. Pale, creamy skin, a dimple on her cheek
caused by a slightly smiling mouth. Her eyes were closed in her sleep,
long dark brown lashes lowered. Ryoga remembered the colour of her eyes,
a light sky blue of a dry, sunny day.

He continued to stare at her. Ranma Saotome ... that was her name. There
was something about the name though ... something he should remember, he
thought, as he rubbed the back of his head with the handle of his
umbrella.

Suddenly, she smacked her lips loudly and stretched in her sleep. Ryoga,
half terrified, half fascinated, watched as she revealed that she was
only wearing boxer shorts and a slight white singlet, her curvaceous
chest almost hanging out of the top. He gasped out loud when her hand
shot out and grabbed the top of his pants before he could scramble away.
Frightened, his eyes shot to her face, but she was still asleep. Her
fingers began to move, blunt, slightly chewed fingernails tickling his
tummy. He felt like laughing and vomiting in embarrassment at the same
time. Even worse, that part of him down there, began to respond ... he
could feel the blood escaping from his makeshift handkerchief already ...

"Stop right there!"

Ryoga jumped up immediately, a scrap of his pants ripping off in Ranma's
hands. That girl Akane, holding what looked liked a large wooden practise
sword, was at the door.

Her eyes widened in recognition. "You! You're the one who cut my sister's
hair! What are you trying to do to Ranma?" She spied the bulge beginning
to show in his pants and covered her mouth in shock. "You, you ...
PERVERT!" She began to run towards him, swinging her weapon wildly.

He sweeped his gaze around, desperately looking for any source of escape.
There was only the window. He turned, dived and crashed through the
glass. A moment later, he was flying through the air with two thoughts
running through his head. One was that it was still raining. The other
was that he had dropped his umbrella inside.


~*~*~*~


"Come back here!" Akane shouted, her cheeks burning red. As the intruder
crashed through the window head first, she doubled her speed hoping to
at least give him a well deserved smack with her shinai. "A few more
inches, just a little more ... Oof!!!" she tripped over the edge of
Ranma's futon, spun crazily for a few seconds then landed in a
spectacular belly flop.

When she regained consciousness a second later, she found she was laying
on top of Ranma, staring into blue eyes that were blinking in sudden
wakefulness and confusion.

"Akane, maybe I should go grab some hot water before you try anything?"


~*~*~*~


Ranma rubbed her stinging cheek with one hand as she stared at the closed
door of her room. She scratched her head. There was just no understanding
girls ... and why was the window broken?

She stood up and closed the curtains as best she could to cover the
smashed window. Then she stumbled back into bed, wondering why she was in
girl form again.  She could've sworn that she went to sleep as a guy. But
this was what usually happened so she shrugged it off to go back to
sleep. She rolled over. "Ow!" she grumbled. "Damn breasts!"


~*~*~*~


The early morning sun was shining in through the broken window of Ranma's
room. The storm of last night seemed to have completely passed over.
Ranma was sitting up in her futon observing her 'fiance'.

"So you see, Ranma," Akane was saying from her spot leaning against the
open doorway. "I heard a noise, the sound of the lock on your door
breaking, no doubt, and your friend Ryoga was here last night. I saw him
trying to molest you. I tried to get him but he escaped out the window."

"No way! Are you sure that was him?"

Akane's eyes flashed. "Of course I'm sure! Same muscular, brown-haired
guy with dark hair, a backpack and an umbrella. And the orange and black
bandanna he was wearing, coupled with the fact he was covering his nose
with one, was a dead give-away." She pointed to something in the corner.
"In fact, that's his umbrella there."

Ranma looked, and sure enough, there was a red bamboo umbrella lying
there. She got a sudden, sick thought. "Argh! Did he touch me?"

Akane's mouth twisted. "From what I saw, it was you doing the touching."

Ranma lifted her hands and looked at them wide-eyed. "What? Oh yuck!
Maybe I should go wash my hands." She threw the covers off from around
her legs and prepared to stand up.

Akane gasped. "Wha-what is that?"

Ranma looked down at the small black pig sleeping on her lap. "Oh this? I
don't know. When I woke up, she was just sleeping there. Cute, ain't
she?"

Akane looked at the pig suspiciously. "That orange and black bandanna
it's wearing ... it looks familiar."

Ranma looked at it and squinted. She shrugged. "Can't say that it does
myself."

Akane continued to eye the pig. "Anyway, I tried to follow that pervert,
but all I saw after a couple dozen yards from the front, was a backpack
and a small pile of clothes. I brought them back and they're over there
in the corner now. I can't imagine why he would want to discard his
clothing though ..." she said thoughtfully.

"I don't know either. That guy has really changed. I mean, he didn't even
recognise me yesterday." Ranma stood up, carrying the pig with her, and
stretched. "No use thinking about it now though." She sniffed the air. "I
think it's almost time for breakfast."

They stepped outside and walked towards the kitchen, with Ranma still
carrying the sleeping piglet in one arm.

"What are you going to do with the pig, Ranma?" Akane asked.

Ranma shrugged. "I dunno. But I think I might keep her as a pet." She
suddenly grinned. "It'd be kind of cool, don't you think? Maybe I could
even teach her how to fight and stuff."

"Get real," Akane scoffed. "Besides, owning a pet is a lot of work and I
haven't exactly seen you, not to mention your father, do a lot of that
around here."

When they reached the kitchen, Kasumi was already hustling about cooking
breakfast. Ranma observed her for a moment, still wondering at the
complete change of appearance that the shorter hair-style gave her.

Nabiki walked in. Well, shuffling was the better word, Ranma thought,
smirking at the little steps she was taking. 

Nabiki yawned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She looked at the pig
Ranma was holding and gave her a questioning look.

"I found it in bed with me," Ranma said, lifting the pig, who was
beginning to wake up.

Nabiki just gave it a bored glance. "Don't you think you should stick to
your own species?"

"Ha ha, very funny. Anyway, like I was saying to Akane here, I'm gonna
train her to fight. Maybe even so she could protect my food from my Pop.
That would be really handy to have around. Now I just need to think up a
name for her. How about Killer Kimiko?"

Akane was still staring at the pig. "Can I have a look at it for a second
Ranma?"

"What? Oh sure," she said, handing the pig over. It was now fully awake,
and began to squeal as Akane took it.

Akane turned it over. "I thought so. Ranma ... this pig is a boy. Look at
that," she said, pointing.

Ranma looked unconvinced. "But it looks so small! It could be just ...
you know."

"You know?"

"That bumpy thing that is down there ... errr ..."

Akane's eyes widened. "How do you know about that?"

Ranma began to blush beet-red and coughed. "Well in that case, I'm sure
you know better than me. I just need to think of a good boy name for him
then. Here, I'll take him back," she said, as Akane handed the pig over.
As Ranma took it back, she accidentally rubbed it along her chest, still
encased in the slight white singlet she wore to sleep.

"Oh, look, it's blushing. It must be love!" Nabiki pointed out, as she
sat down at the table.

Ranma looked down at the pig. "Well he does seem unnaturally red. I
didn't know pigs could blush, especially black pigs ... oh yuck! He just
crapped all over me!" she said, looking at the smear of black droppings
that were on her arm with an expression of extreme disgust.

Akane and Nabiki burst out laughing.

"Oh, I don't care what you guys think! I'm still keeping him ..."

"As long as you clean up after him," Akane snorted, trying to get her
laughter under control.

"Oh Ranma!" Kasumi called.

"Yeah, Kasumi?"

"Please come with me to the laundry." She beckoned for her to follow.

"Sure thing," Ranma answered, a bit confused to why Kasumi would want her
to come with her. "Here Akane, hold him for me will you?"

"Oh yuck, Ranma. He's really made a mess hasn't he?"

"Akane, please clean the pig?" Kasumi called back. "Ranma and I have an
important matter to discuss."

"Okay, Kasumi," Akane answered, but still looking at the filthy pig in
disgust. Though she was becoming curious with why her older sister wanted
to speak with Ranma.

"Errr ... I hope this doesn't have to do with yesterday," Ranma whispered
back as she followed the eldest Tendo sister to the laundry.

Nabiki just smirked at both of them.


~*~*~*~


The steam rose from the hot water in the tub, as Akane desperately tried
to hold on to the squirming piglet.

"C'mon you! You're a big mess! Stop trying to slip out of my hands
like that, you're only getting me messy too!"

The pig suddenly held still. "Oh that's a good boy ... hey!" The pig made
one more desperate try for freedom, actually succeeding in slipping out
of Akane's hands. Fortunately, she managed to catch hold of the familiar
looking bandanna, and held it up by the neck.

"Oh, no you don't!" Akane declared, looking into the pig's wild black
eyes. With a deft twist of her wrist, she flipped the pig into the hot
tub with a splash. "There! I'll get you clean-"

The water bubbled for a short moment, then the water seemed to expand
rapidly upwards.

"... yet?" Akane finished, looking horrified at the naked boy kneeling in
the tub.

The boy looked plenty horrified too.


~*~*~*~


"... So you see, Ranma ... there comes a time in a girl's life when she
becomes a woman ..."

Ranma listened, confused, to Kasumi's weird speech. What did all this
stuff have to do with her? "Ummm Kasumi? Is this what you wanted to see
me about?" She turned the tap on and washed her hands and arms in the
laundry sink.

Kasumi, ran her hand through her short hair. "Yes, Ranma. Because this is
what is happening to you right now."

Ranma finished cleaning the pig poo off herself and looked at her.
"You're kidding right?" She looked at her chest. "Besides, I think I
already am one."

"Ranma I didn't mean it that way. Here, look at this. I found it this
morning," she said, handing Ranma a pair of polka-dotted boxer shorts. It
was the pair she was wearing yesterday. Ranma looked at it. "I don't see
what the problem is," she said.

"Look inside, Ranma. Don't you see the blood?"

"So?"

Kasumi ran her hand through her hair again. "But don't you know what that
means?" She looked at Ranma's blank expression. "When blood starts coming
out of 'there' it's one of the signs that ..."

"But, but ... that's not my blood! That's Ryoga's when he exploded all
over me."

Kasumi paused. "Oh ... my."

Ranma scratched her head. "What did you mean by 'to become a woman'
anyway?"


~*~*~*~


The bathroom was unnaturally silent for a few minutes. Then Akane
regained her wits.

"Y-Y-You pervert!" Akane exploded, lifting a nearby stool above
her head, ready to brain Ryoga's head in. "Getting yourself cursed just
so you can snuggle up to her! I mean, him!"

Ryoga was aghast. "No, that's not what happened at all! In fact, one of
the reasons I'm like this is because of what happened when I first met
her. Or saw her ..."

Akane lowered the stool, but was still ready to hurl it at a moments
notice. "Explain," she said calmly. Calm before a storm ...

Ryoga sighed in relief that she would give him a chance to explain.
"Okay, here's how it happened ... although my memory is slightly jumbled
at how or why I ended up wandering in China in the first place ..."


~*~*~*~


The mountain pathway in a place called, "Jesenkyou" was so narrow, the
young man with dark hair worn in a head-band was careful to stay far
from the edge.

"Huh?" Ryoga exclaimed. The path was vibrating somehow, as if a minor
earthquake had begun. Then came the sound of running.

A girl's scream suddenly echoed as the bamboo shoots in front of him
parted. Ryoga looked up and lost all coherent thought. It was the most
beautiful girl he had ever seen! As she ran past, not even noticing him,
Ryoga smelled the scent of her pale hair. It was intoxicating ...

Then the bamboo rustled again, this time revealing a huge, berserk panda,
frothing at the mouth and an insane-looking Chinese guide. Ryoga, still
standing dreamily, was knocked aside like a bowling pin as the rabid
panda and man barrelled through in pursuit of the girl.

Knocked rudely out of his reverie, Ryoga shouted in alarm, as he fell
from the edge of the path, head-first down the mountain. Then his head
bounced on a boulder and everything went black.


~*~*~*~


"Then to tell a long story short, when I woke up, having washed up by the
shore of a spring, I found that I was now cursed to turn into a pig.
Later, I found due to sheer luck about the relationship between hot and
cold water triggering my change. But the very first thing on my mind was
that I had to find that girl again."

Akane was looking at him in disbelief. "I feel so sorry for you. Don't
you know that Ranma really is a-"

Ryoga suddenly straightened. "Don't be, because meeting that girl for the
first time that day has made the curse all worth it. Without her I
probably wouldn't even have the will to live with this horrible curse."

Akane closed her mouth.

Ryoga suddenly surged out of the tub, tears in his eyes. He knelt by
Akane's legs and clasped his hands around her bare legs. "Akane! Please
don't tell her that I'm really the pig! She would hate me! I-I couldn't
stand it!"

Akane's mouth dropped open again. "W-What are you doing? Y-You're
NAKED!" She could even feel his 'thing' on her ankle!


~*~*~*~


Ranma was looking curiously at her father and Mister Tendo. They seemed
to be concentrating too hard on eating their food. Their faces was so
red. Funny how a panda could do that. "Pop, Mister Tendo, did I suddenly
grow a second head or something ... and how come we didn't spar this
morning like we usually do?" She heard the sound of rapid footsteps and
turned in shock to see Akane chasing her new pet with a bath stool.

"You PERVERT!" Akane shouted as she chased after the little black pig.
The pig bwee'd fearfully and hid behind Ranma's legs as she stood up.

"Akane? What the heck are you doing? Poo-chan is only a pig, he's not a
pervert, he just doesn't know any better!"

Akane stopped in her tracks at that. "Poo-chan?" She burst out laughing
uncontrollably. Tears ran down her eyes as she clutched at her stomach.

"Oh shut up. That name seems to be the only one that fits him." She heard
another snort of laughter, this one from the table. "And will you shut up
too, Nabiki? You've been laughing at me all damn morning!"

Nabiki coughed. "Now, now, Ranma. That isn't anyway to speak to someone
you owe a favour to ..."

Ranma fanned her suddenly hot face. "What favour?" she asked weakly.

"Did it suddenly slip your mind? You agreed to a little fund raising
activity in return for some much needed clothes."

"B-But, that favour's invalid! You gave me girl's clothes!"

Nabiki rested her chin on her palms as she leaned on the table. "A deal's
a deal, Ranma-chan. We did shake on it, remember?"

Ranma smacked her forehead on the table, her blond pigtail flapping up
and down. "Damn, damn, damn!"

Akane suddenly had a foreboding feeling. "Just what did you agree to do,
Ranma?"

Poo-chan continued to stare up Ranma's legs unnoticed, a steady stream of
blood leaking from his snout.


~*~*~*~


Nabiki looked pleased as she surveyed the large crowd of Furinkan
students in front of her, where she stood on a makeshift wooden stage. 
"The auction will begin in one minute! Have a date with the most 
beautiful girl in school! Or anywhere, really! Ra-nma ... Sao-tome!!!"

The boys in the crowd began to look excited. The girls just looked
disgusted. Especially the one with long, black hair standing next to
the blond girl in question herself.

"This was your *favour*!?" Akane screeched.

"Hey! This is partly your fault! If you had just lent me some of your
tomboyish clothes, this wouldn't have happened!" Ranma said, backed up
against the wall. She was in girl form, but at least she was wearing her
usual boyish black pants and red shirt and not the revealing girl's
clothing. "And I thought at least, that maybe I could've squirmed out of
it by now ..."

"Hey, don't shift the blame on me, Ranma, about the clothes thing!"
Suddenly she laughed. "Well, that's what you get for dealing with
Nabiki."

But Ranma wasn't listening any more. She had begun to look at the crowd 
of boys foaming at the mouth in front of her. This was some kind of
nightmare. A feeling of deja vu fell over her in waves.

"Ok, we'll start the bidding at one thousand yen. Begin!" Nabiki shouted.

"Two thousand!" someone shouted.

"Three thousand!" someone else said.

The bids came fast and furious. Ranma began to sink lower as she leaned
on the wall.

"Ten yen!" a voice shouted. Everyone turned to see an old beggar standing
there, one hand holding a coin, the other holding an old mug he used for
begging. He smiled a toothless smile as he stared lustfully at Ranma's
female body.

Ranma drop-kicked him out of the school. "What an insult! I don't come
that cheap!" Then she shut up as she saw all the students begin to stare
at her strangely. "Hey, I got pride, ya know!"

The bidding resumed.

"Ten thousand!" a pair of voices said. It was Hiroshi and Daisuke.

"You both want to date her at the same time?" Nabiki asked.

"You mean it isn't allowed?"

Nabiki laughed. "Oh, if there's enough money involved, anything's
allowed!" She looked around. "Anyone else want to match the highest offer
so far?"

"I do!" Soun cried as he popped out from behind a bush.

Akane malleted him away. "Daddy, you're disgusting!"

"So, anyone else? Going, going ..." Nabiki looked around. He was sure to
be here somewhere ...

Lightning flashed and thunder roared. Nabiki smiled with yen in her eyes.
Ranma groaned and smacked the back of her head against the wall.

"Fifteen thousand," the kendoist with the bokken stated calmly from his
position leaning against a tree.

"Oh, please, God! NO!"

"Twenty thousand!" It was a girl's voice. Everyone was in shock.

Ranma turned to see the new bidder and gasped in relief. It really was a
girl! A tall, brunette wearing her long brown hair in a ponytail. She was
in the standard girl's uniform. Thanks be to good samaritans! She must
know what Kuno was like and was trying to save her!

Akane turned and gasped in outrage. It was *her*!

Nabiki smile grew wider. She was gonna make a bundle out of this!

Kuno looked outraged. "Twenty-five thousand!"

"Thirty thousand!" the girl matched him.

"Forty - ugh!" Kuno abruptly fell over unconscious, a lump protuding
from his head.

"Hmmmm ... I guess the amount was too much for him," the girl said
innocently.

Nabiki narrowed her eyes and looked suspiciously at her. She seemed to 
be hiding a staff behind her back. Oh well, she had gotten an offer 
more than what she wanted in the first place. "Okay, I guess you have 
won a date with Ranma." Besides, if this was that girl she had heard 
about... she began to chuckle. Ranma would be sure to get a kick out 
of this! "What is your name, anyway? Maybe I've heard of you."

The girl gave a half-smile. "Yuriko Midorikawa is my name."


~*~*~*~


Ranma leaned against the wall in sheer happiness. On her face, she wore a
silly grin, which began to make the boys act stupid when they saw it.
Things like walk into trees and smiling as their girlfriends punched them
in the face.

Akane was aghast at the whole situation. "Why are you so happy?"

Ranma stuck her tongue out. "Didn't you see? I'm saved! That girl saved
my life! Instead of a date with an ugh, guy, it'll be just a friendly
outing thingy."

"B-But, don't you know that girl is g, g, ga ... gah!"

Ranma looked on as Akane turned red and began to stammer incoherently.
"Sometimes, I just don't understand girls."

She punched away a slobbering male student who was getting too close.
"And boys either."



--- End of Part 6.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This is a rough draft, the final might actually have the date scene in it
if I'm not too lazy =). Also, have to fully close off the Akane-Tofu
thing. This is a bit shorter than my usual efforts after all.

Anyway, sorry this took so long. This fic has been sitting here on my
harddisk for a while, but some bits weren't done as I couldn't figure out
what to do. Then I got inspiration in Math class today of all things. It
was so boring, I began thinking of fanfics =P.

As always, C&C appreciated...

Ace Sanchez 
email: jsa@fl.net.au 
www: http://jsa.users.fl.net.au