Warning! Some bits sick! I disclaim this entire fic! If you read this Gary, don't hunt me down and shoot me or anything ^_^. ___________________ [Scene: A cafe that seems bare of people except for the fat waitress sitting down at the bar and smoking and a couple other drifters. Outside there is a sign saying, Neko-Net Cafe. Two girls inside are sitting on stools in front of a monitor and keyboard. Their eyes are wide open as they read the text on screen.] Sayuri: I can't believe this! Those two fools, Hiroshi and Daisuke wrote a fanfic! Yuka: Yeah, those two idiotic friends of Ranma's. It's disgusting and well, err, disgusting! [Sayuri scrolls the text file down to read it again. She clicks 'save' and the little light lights up as the floppy disk in the computer makes some groaning noises] Sayuri: It was great, wasn't it? Yuka: I'll say! Don't forget to give me a copy too! [When the disk stops making those horrible squeaks and grunts, Sayuri removes her pink disk so that Yuka can put her pink disk in too. As the fic saves, they eagerly read it on the monitor again.] Sayuri: Hey, this fic has given me inspiration! You want to finish up OUR fic and send it? Yuka: Ha! Let's show them how the girls do it! [Sayuri and Yuka lean back in their stools and laugh evilly for a good few minutes. At least until the fat waitress shouts that them two geek girls had better stop making that awful noise.] ________________ FANGIRL'S WANNA HAVE FUN by Sayuri and Yuka ________________ Sayuri: Hey do you think "Fangirl's wanna get wet" would've been better? Yuka: Derr! We've already used that title for the planning of our sequel! Sayuri: Oh, right! I can't wait to write THAT one! Yuka: Yeah, just thinking about it is making me get ... ah, never mind! ______ Akane walked along the path. The path was good for walking. Indeed, Akane liked walking along the path. She continued to walk. At least until she got to the building when she stopped walking. She was sad because she really did love walking and now she didn't need to walk anymore because she was at the building now and if she walked, she would walk right into the wall. The sign in front of the building read, "NERIMA LOST AND FOUND." She walked into the revolving doors and walked inside the building. "RYOGA!!!" Her desperate cry echoed throughout the reception area annoying the people sitting around the room. "Akane?" Ryoga smashed through the wall. "Ryoga, I need help!" Akane said, her eyes doing the shiny, cutesy look. "It's Ranma!" Ryoga rolled his eyes. "Ranma? The same Ranma you have sex with instead of me?" "Hey, it was your fault for walking into that train carriage without seeing that it was occupied already!" Ryoga glared at her. "Don't get smart with me, Kawaikune!" Akane smacked him one with her mallet. ______ Yuka: You know Sayuri, I think we're getting a bit out of character. Sayuri: Yeah. Isn't it Ranma who always gets the hammer treatment? [Yuka nods wisely] Yuka: Let's just get rid of the malleting Ryoga line. Everything else is 'in character'. ______ Ryoga glared at her. "Don't get smart at me, Kawaikune! So what's the trouble with Ranma?" "He ..." Her voice was cracking. "Remember how I always hit him? Kick him in the balls, smack him in the behind with my mallet and bite his thing?" "Yeah, I remember." Ryoga looked at her somewhat curiously. "Well, now he can't perform anymore! Waaaaaaaah!" "What?" Ryoga shouted, unbelieving. "What about when he's a girl?" Akane sniffed. "You think I haven't tried??" Ryoga burst out in tears also. "Waaaaaaaah! Now I won't get my daily intercourse anymore!" ________ Sayuri: I really don't think Ryoga would have that problem, would you, Yuka?" Yuka: Yeah, he's such a honey! It just feels wrong! He could get any girl he wanted, he's such a hunk! Sayuri: You're telling me. I sure would like to get in his pants ... [Yuka stares at her] Sayuri: You mean, you wouldn't?? [Yuka looks away blushing] ________ Akane sniffed. "You think I haven't tried?" Ryoga shook his head in sympathy. "But I-I'm desperate now! I've just got to get it on! So I've decided to switch to you instead." She smiled coyly at him. "I'm sorry, Akane." Ryoga smoothed back his hair around his bandanna like a cool dude. "But that just isn't happening." "Why the hell not, Ry-chan? Remember all those heart to heart talks we had in bed? Then afterwards I would turn you into a pig and then ..." "I'm sorry, Akane. Much as you know I enjoyed it, testifying by the stains on your bed, I can't marry you." Akane scowled at him "Who said anything about marrying? Don't put words into my mouth." Ryoga continued to shake his head. "Suffice to say, I just don't get turned on by you anymore." "Why not?" "Cheating on Ranma and you is beginning to leave me cold because that's just the kind of person I am." He smiled self-approvingly. "Besides, I could never interfere in yours and Ranma's relationship. That would be wrong." Akane brought out a list in her pocket. "Oh yeah? Then read this, Mister Goodie-two-shoes!" __________ Yuka: Hmmm. This kind of sticks a bit. Where do we go from here? Sayuri: Hey, you're the smart one. Yuka: That's funny. I thought you were the smart one. [Sayuri slaps herself on the forehead] Sayuri: We must be both smart! Yuka: Yeah, that's it! By the way does this computer thing get MTV? Sayuri: Nah, I tried already. Let's get back to the fic and back up a little. __________ "Cheating on Ranma and you is beginning to leave me cold because that's just the kind of person I am." He smiled self-approvingly. "Besides, I could never interfere in yours and Ranma's relationship. That would be wrong." "Please? Pretty please? Do you want me to die Ryoga? I've got to have relief!" "Nope." "Damn. You don't know what you're missing, Ryoga. I was even so desperate I would do, 'you know' to you again, even though it gives me a strange aftertaste when I do it. Your loss. I'll just go find Kuno then." "Hi Akane!" "Kuno? How did you just appear like that?" Kuno looked at her blankly, before saying, "Beats me. I just sort of popped in here out of thin air." Akane gaped at him. "Hey, how come you're talking normal all of a sudden? And you haven't spouted any awful poetry yet." "I think it has something to do with the intelligence of the writers. They aren't smart enough to write my lines properly. They don't even know how to write poetry, not even the kind that stinks that I usually squeeze into every sentence I say." "Oh, well, Kuno-sempai, I've decided to..." Kuno shook his head. "You can just forget it Akane. I was really just pretending to like you when you're really the most unattractive girl in the entire Ranma 1/2 series, excluding Cologne. I just chased after you so you would feel better." Akane stepped backwards in shock. "T-That's impossible! I'm the most sought after girl in this series! All the boys used to attack me so I would go out with them for goodness sakes! And every villain of the week would kidnap me! If I'm not beautiful, would they have done that?" Ryoga lifted his hand. "Actually, the boys were just being nice as well. And it was Ranma who _paid_ to have those villains kidnap you, but Takahashi-sama threatened him that if he didn't rescue you whenever one of his schemes worked, she would fire him and the series would be renamed, Ryoga 1/2, after me ..." He looked at her pityingly. "And I just did it with you to bring your ego up too. None of us really like you." "That's right!" Kuno interjected. "In fact, Ryoga and I, have found a girl we REALLY like!" "Another girl?" Akane stared at them disbelievingly. "Yeah, she is a BABE!" Ryoga bubbled in lust. "She's hot, curvy, smart as anything, really she isn't a bimbo, and she is definitely not a self-insertion character by the authors. Really." "Sayuka!" Kuno called. "Come show Akane here, what a REAL girl looks like!" _______ Sayuri: They'll never guess! Hee hee hee! [Yuka grumbles] Sayuri: Hey! Yukayuri just sounds ridiculous. Yuka: Doesn't mean I have to like it ... _______ A tall, voluptuous and very gorgeous woman walked into the room. She had long brown-blonde hair that fell behind her in golden waves which reached up to her exquisite butt. Bright blue, blue, eyes dominated her too-beautiful face with their dark eyelashes affording an arresting combination. She was wearing a very short mini skirt which emphasised her long long legs and a white, almost see-through, tank-top. The pink circles of her erect nipples stood out in the thin strained material from her bra-less and firm 37D size breasts. She walked up to Akane and shook her hand lightly. "Hi!" Akane couldn't breathe from the large mammary glands surrounding her face. "I don't represent the writers! I deny it, I tell you!" Akane stepped back, grasping her throat and choking. She took deep breaths and waited for the air to rush back into her lungs before talking. "Ryoga, Kuno, you mean you like this girl better than me?" The two love struck boys nodded as they stared worshipfully at the beautiful woman. "I-I- Arghhhhhh!" Akane paled and looked inside her shirt. "They ARE bigger than mine!" She looked in her compact mirror. "She IS more beautiful than me!" "Ummm, everyone is, except Cologne," Ryoga tried to remind her. Looking at Sayuka, something snapped within Akane "I can't take it anymore! I must reveal my secret!" Suddenly, she ripped off something like plastic covering off the bottom of her chin revealing a dark beard. She turned around and lifted her skirt showing a suspicious looking bulge at the back of her panties, reminiscent of that disgusting scene in Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. "Ta da! I'm really a hermaphrodite!" Ryoga and Kuno leaned over and vomited on the carpet. "Now, Sayuka! You think you can take me on!?" "Hey no problem!" Sayuka replied. "In fact I'm hot enough to handle all seven of you!" "Seven??" Suddenly, Ranma, Mousse, Genma and Soun walked into the room joining them. "Yeah, seven! Don't forget us, Sayuka!" They all smiled at her as they eagerly bounded over to the woman of their dreams, the babe of the universe. Who was absolutely not a self-insert character. What was to come next was a hot and intense piece of group loving that would have given Happosai a heart attack if he had seen it. Wait a minute. Actually, Happosai WAS there, clinging to Sayuka's leg, but everyone didn't notice him, he was too busy doing pervert stuff to her limb like one of those over eager dogs who like you a lot. The end. _____ Sayuri: A masterpiece, even if I do say so myself, which I do ... Yuka: Yeah! Truly a work of art, this fic is. And we didn't get any ideas from Hiroshi and Daisuke's fic either! It's totally original! Sayuri: Although I do hope Akane is not too offended ... [Sayuri and Yuka laugh nervously] Yuka: Ha ha ha! No matter! Just wait until the FFML gets the sequel to this! [Everyone on the FFML suddenly sneezes and gets a foreboding feeling.] _________________________________________________________________________ Btw if there were spelling errors you'll just have to suffer as I'm not revising this, it is a one time spamfic! Awwwww! ^_^ Ace Sanchez email: jsa@fl.net.au www http://jsa.users.fl.net.au (BTW, Gary Kleppe, I really liked your 'Hiroshi and Daisuke write a fic' spamfic! This is the result that was spawned because of it ^_^. Unfortunately .... )