I'm sorry came too Late
By: Cathy Bloom
Status: Complete
Category: Tragedy/Deathfic/Angst
Pairings: Zechs Marquise and Lucrezia Noin
Ratings: somewhere between G and PG - it depends on how hard you take it
Content Warnings: None that I know of
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. Gundam Wing 

belongs to its respectable owners (which is especially not me).
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   "Noin - can you hear me?"
The deafening silence stung my ears as I quietly closed the door behind 
me. 
Of course, there was no answer, which I had expected anyway. Taking 
up a 
chair, I sat down next to Noin, whose eyes remained closed as I looked 
her 
over. She was so beautiful even if she was in her terrible state - 
battered 
bones, torn flesh
and broken heart. The doctor said she was in a coma, but there was a slim 

chance that they could keep her alive for the minimum of three days. The 

news tore my heart, but there was nothing I could do. Painfully, I ripped 
my 
eyes away from the delicate woman of whom I loved so dearly, clashed 
and 
dangerously close to dying because of me. She had constantly put herself 
on 
the line, and I had always failed to see why. She entrusted her loyalty 
to 
me, a murderer though I was, and
dared to love me. And yet I took no notice. Should I only acknowledge what 

she has done for me when her life is about to slip through my fingers? It 

was a terrible thought, but it was the truth. I still remember how her hair 

fell into her face at my words of departure before she boarded Aries. Tense, 

she was, but when I asked
her what was wrong, she just shrugged and frowned.
     "What's so important that you can't defend your own planet?" she asked, 

mumbling lowly, but I still heard her soft words. They somehow hurt me, 
and 
I don't like the feeling of being hurt.
     "Well, what do you want me to do? I can't always have my life on the 

line for this world," I replied angrily, but Noin took no notice in my harsh 

words.
     "Sometimes, I just wonder," she started, and turned to go into Aries. 
I 
could feel the anger burning inside me. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her 

closer to me.
     "Wonder? Wonder what?" I asked her, intending to make her talk, and 
she 
gave her head a small bow.
     "Wonder if you realize what you do can make other people do things 
for 
you," she answered, and tugging her arm away, disappeared into the 
cockpit 
of the mobile suit. I was angry, so I stormed away, not turning 
back without 
a second thought that I was about to lose her. And now I was 
just staring at 
her, watching her take all her effort to breathe, to stay 
alive, but surely 
not for me. I had failed to tell her what I was really 
up to, though I was 
not sure I could had anyway.
     My eyes loomed closely on a fresh wound slashed across Noin's neck 
that 
was bleeding rapidly when they took her into the E.R. Sally had told 
me 
everything. She was at the station, talking with Noin over the intercom, 

when their connection broke, and Aries sunk into a pitiful heap of metal. 

And I was nowhere close to Noin. I found myself holding Noin's hand, and 

abruptly let it go. It fell back unto the bed, motionless as it was before 
I 
had held it in my hands for a time. I wanted to do something, to actually 

help Noin live, but there was no way - no how - I could get her to snap 
out 
of her coma. The heart monitor was still at its usual mode, beeping 
every 
second, while Noin lay with a oxygen mask covering her mouth, an 
ivy tube 
planted in her hand and a second tube from her mouth. Guilt swept 
through my 
body as I remembered how angry I was at her, when I was angry. 
Now, I just 
couldn't imagine how I could have just left her in space without 
a second 
thought of returning that loyalty that she had once given me. 
Why I didn't 
think of that before brought tears to my eyes, for every question 
I asked, 
remained unanswered. The hurt that I had experienced was nothing 
compared to 
the abandoned feeling that I had given Noin instead of the 
trust that I 
ruefully owed her. I was truly a fool.
My fingers strayed to my pockets, where I then took out a velvet box that 
I 
had purchased earlier. It was the stupidest excuse not to be there for 
Noin, 
but if she was not to die, I would have cared less. Noin always said 
my 
carelessness was my weakness - so organized, so plentiful, and yet so 

careless. Now, I understand what she was trying to tell me. I carefully 

opened the box, to reveal a brilliant, translucent diamond, which glittered 

in the fluorescent light of the room. I stared into the gem for awhile, 

wondering what had made me buy it. I guess it was the clerk's catchy phrase 

of, "The perfect diamond for the perfect lady," though now, there was only 

the
perfect diamond. Noin would have kept asking me what drove me to buy it, 
and 
complain and whine, but would always say that she loved it, but she 
loved me 
more.
     The ache returned to my heart as I plucked the ring from its place 
in 
the box and observed it in the light. Clarity, shape, size - it was 
perfect. 
But now, what was the reason of buying it? Putting the ring down, 
I slipped 
it unto Noin's ring finger and kissed it. "Now this is the part 
where you 
wake up," I thought, but Noin did not open her eyes
nor sit up in astonishment. So the doctor wasn't lying about her being in 
a 
coma...
     And then I just sobbed into my hands. Why? Why wasn't I there for Noin? 

Why didn't I become the one with the coma? Why wasn't I there not to give 

back her loyalty that she had so loved me enough to give? What drove me 
to 
be angry at her at the last minute, to not savor the moment I could 
have 
spent with Noin? What was the point of buying her a ring for an apology, 

when I can no longer hear her speak? I sobbed for all of these questions 
and 
many more remained unanswered as time passed. I knew I was a fool, 
a fool 
who can no longer hide himself behind a mask. Who can no longer 
find another 
woman to replace Noin. Who was quietly crying to himself as 
the only one he 
ever cared for was about to die and leave him to be lonely 
once again.
    "Noin - can you hear me?" I choked on my words, which tried to stay 

unspoken. I opened my mouth again.
     "I'm sorry for being so indifferent. I'm sorry for...everything. I 
can 
deal with Heero and the world, and maybe Duo, but I cannot make my 
self 
believe the fact that I am about to lose you, and won't be unable 
to start 
my life again without you. I never promised I would stay by your 
side, but 
you, you and-and your innocent mind, wanted me to feel wanted 
in this world, 
and somehow, you showed me what it was like to take off 
my mask and start 
over as a new man. But what am I to do without you? How 
can I start again, 
with the feeling that I have just left your body for 
ruins because of my 
selfish and devious acts? This ring could never make 
up for what I have done 
to you. No one will ever understand who I really 
was and am inside, and if I 
were to lose you, there would be no point in 
living. I'm sorry, and I just 
hope that you can forgive me because I... 
I... love you."
     The tears burned my eyes, before I suddenly felt Noin's hand lightly 

squeeze mine. A look of amazement crossed my face, but it returned grievous 

when suddenly her hand slipped from mine, and I noticed her chest was no 

longer rising nor falling, and the heart monitor held a steady beep. I could 

have revived her at the moment, I could have called the nurse or the doctor 

or somebody to help, but I just stayed where I was, looking at the eternally 

sleeping Noin whose eyes remained closed as if staying in slumber. Nobody 

could do nothing anymore. I reached for my spare gun which I kept at my 
hip,
and feeling its weight through my fingers, looked at Noin.
     "I will never leave your side again - never," I said quietly, bringing 

the gun to my head, and still holding Noin's hand, pulled the trigger.
~+++FIN+++~