Tendou Akane's Stir Fry

House of Pain Marinade:

• 1/2 tsp. sugar
• 1 tsp. cornstarch
• 1 tbsp. soy sauce
• 1 tsp. Spice Rack *1

Typical Stupid Ingredients:

• 1 lb. whacked boneless chicken *2
• 1 lb. cruciferous vegetables *3
• Regular stupid oil
• Tenchi Muyou oil *4
• Maximum strength antacids

*1: Take a look at your spice rack. What do you see? There you go! (Randomness is cool!)

Akane's Basic Spice Rack:

• Garlic (use plenty)
• All-Purpose Seasoning (multi-spice powder)
• Chili powder
• Black pepper

*3: Do you like that word, cruciferous? I dunno what it means. You can also buy in your frozen food section stuff with Asian sounding names, like "broccoli stir fry."

*4: My mom has an accent, so she says sesame oil like Sasami oil. I call it Tenchi Muyou oil after that. Usually, mom will slap me around when I say that.

E-Z Steps:

1. Mix all of the marinade together with your whacked chicken. Notice all the ingredients don't really look that Asian for an Asian meal. It's Akane-style, silly.
2. Put some regular, stupid oil into a frying pan. If you're special, you can use a wok. Just enough to coat the bottom. Set the temp to "medium high" heat. Wait until the oil gets hot--that's when it makes nifty swirly patterns in the liquid.
3. Throw the chicken into the oil. Stir it around and around, trying to keep the pieces seperate. Remember, if you're slow, then you'll end up with Blackened Chicken (you can add chili pepper and say you were cooking Cajun if this happens). Handy chicken guide: pink = uncooked, white = cooked, brown = uh oh.
4. When the chicken is done, you're *supposed* to take it out of the pan into another bowl. I just add more regular stupid oil and dump the cruciferous vegetables into it. Uh, I guess you stir it around for 5 minutes. I use my CD player as a timer, so I dunno--two plays of "Mou Nakanaide" should do it.
5. Did you take the chicken out? Well, now put it back into the pan. Now, remake the House of Pain marinade, but use 2 tbsp. of cornstarch. Add a little water to it, and add this to the pan. When nobody's looking, put some Tenchi Muyou oil in it (that's the secret!). Change the heat to "medium" and cover. Stir occasionally. According to the Hamburger Helper box, the sauce is supposed to thicken. (To date, this has worked about 15% of the time, but that's why it's Akane-style.)
6. Uh, I guess you're supposed to serve it over rice. You can also use the antacids as dinner mints. Leftovers can be used for Tendou Akane's Chow Mein the next day. (My favorite!!)

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