by Ryan Mathews

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July 1998

Those of you who have been reading the column regularly may remember me briefly mentioning my other hobby: being a soccer fan. With the World Cup on television, I've been indulging my "other hobby" like never before. Recently, not having anyone other than my brother to talk soccer with locally, I began to participate in the rec.sport.soccer group on Usenet.

While reading the conversation there, I began to have this strange sense of déjà vu. You see, for the first time ever, every single match of the Cup is being carried on US television. Each match is being shown without commercial interruption (there are no time-outs or clock-stoppages in soccer). You'd think the fans would be delighted with this development. Instead, the conversation on r.s.s is a non-stop gripe session about how stupid the announcers are, how they can't stand the scoreboard that ESPN keeps on the screen, etc., etc. That's when it hit me...

These people are otaku!

When I thought about it, I was stunned how closely this paralleled the reaction of anime otaku when Pioneer announced that every title they produced would be released in the US simultaneously on VHS and bilingual laserdisc. What a great move that was! Anime fans had been bitching for years about the lack of domestic laserdiscs, and how, when they were produced, it was months or even a year after the VHS release. Now Pioneer had promised to release everything on LD, and quickly! I figured anime fandom would worship Pioneer for that.

Instead the fans bitched and bitched and bitched. They didn't like close-caption subtitles. The Japanese dialogue wasn't on the digital track. They didn't like the jacket. Whine, whine, gripe, gripe, moan, moan.

At the time, I'd figured it was a behavior unique to anime fans, this "nothing is ever good enough" attitude. Later, I saw that the characteristic was shared by the extreme fans of all the "geek hobbies" (SF, Star Trek, RPGs, comics). But if soccer fans can act like anime fans, then anyone can. Just look at these parallels!

• Hardcore anime fans prefer to watch anime in Japanese, even if they don't speak the language.

  Hardcore soccer fans prefer to watch soccer on Univision in Spanish, even if they don't speak the language.

• Anime fans who like dubs aren't "real anime fans".

  Soccer fans who like the shootout (a method for breaking ties) aren't "real soccer fans".

• The correct term is "anime", not "Japanimation".

  The correct term is "football", not "soccer".

Of course, the term "otaku" in Japan doesn't necessarily refer to anime fans. There are gun otaku and tropical fish otaku. Just about any hobby can have its otaku. Even soccer.

One other thing I need to take care of: As promised, I finished watching Fushigi Yuugi , and posted a review to rec.arts.anime.misc. Here it is, slightly edited. The review contains spoilers, so if you don't want to see it, click here to go to the next page.

One of the many fans of Fushigi Yuugi who disagreed with my initial assessment of the series praised Yuu Watase for having crafted such a wonderful story. I could not disagree more. I have read fanfics that are better plotted than FY. FY takes place in a world controlled by four gods. In reality there is only one god, and her name is Watase. Events occur at her whim. Characters become powerful or useless, depending on what she needs. And if she ever paints her characters into a corner, she can always call on the "Taitsu-kun Ex Machina" to pop out of nowhere and kick the plot along. Of course, every author manipulates events and characters to his or her ends, but a good writer is not so obvious when doing so.

Here's some of the more maddening examples of "forced writing" in the series.

• The Suzaku Seishi are capable of defeating any foe, except when it's time for a new Seishi to appear. Then they're unable to fight their way out of a wet paper bag. This happens three times: when Tasuke, Mitsutake, and Chiriko appear.

• A good deal of the plot revolves around both Yui and Miaka thinking they've been raped, when in fact they're still virgins. How ignorant of sex are these girls (or, for that matter, is Ms. Watase), to not know about the blood and pain that comes with losing virginity?

• Nakago succeeds for a time in discouraging Miaka from searching for the second MacGuffin--, excuse me, Shinzaho, by convincing her that he'd raped her while unconscious. It was working just fine, when Seiryuu Seishi Soi, for no given reason, tells Miaka the truth. Remember, Soi is one of the bad guys. Her side is winning. But she spills the beans and blows the whole deal. No reason is given or even implied, and that it appears that Watase was simply tired with this arc of the plot and wanted an easy way out.

• One of the things I liked, initially, was the romance between Miaka and Tamahome. What a concept: two characters that admit early on that they're in love, instead of chasing each other for the entire series. However, Watase is unable to make a continuing relationship interesting, so she continually contrives reasons for the two to break up. You can set your watch by how often they split up and reunite: four times just counting before they come to Tokyo.

• Miaka is naturally ditzy, but she can become utterly retarded when necessary. A four-year-old child wouldn't have fallen for Yui's "let's be friends again" ploy, just before she steals Sailo Country's Shinzaho and locks Miaka in a dungeon.

• In the last episode, Miaka proudly announces "I did it. I won. I wasn't consumed by Suzaku." Well, duh, Miaka. At the time she'd only made two wishes. The consumption occurs after the third wish, as was demonstrated dramatically by Yui, gobbled up by Seiryuu after her third wish. When Miaka makes her third wish, it's casual and effortless, almost an afterthought.

• Tamahome - The purpose of this character is threefold: to worry about Miaka, to be worried about by Miaka, and to excite the passions of 14-year-old girls. He's amusingly greedy at first (the scene where he tries to sell Miaka's gum is priceless), but he quickly loses this quality and becomes a full-time beau.

• Hotohori - This character is window-dressing, a pretty face to act as a rival for the affections of the 14-year-old girls. He briefly acts as a rival to Tamahome for Miaka, but once Miaka and Tamahome get together he is written out of the plot and we see next to nothing of him. His sole significant contribution to the plot is a swordfight... against Tamahome. He is calm and in control of his emotions, except at the end, when Watase wants him to die. Then he goes completely out-of-character and throws his life away in a hopeless attack on Nakago, just after the villain had announced he was retreating.

• Nuriko - One of only two characters I liked. Nuriko added color and humor to the plot, so of course he was killed about halfway through, in a move that was so telegraphed, the episode should have been sponsored by Western Union. He'd announced that he was in love with Miaka and was no longer going to dress as a woman, so what else would happen but his death?

• Chichiri - The other character I liked. I honestly can't think of anything bad to say about him. Hopefully, next time, they'll make him the main character.

• Tasuke - Tasuke is a tough guy. His purpose is to get the crap kicked out of him to demonstrate how powerful the bad guy is. He carries a mystical fan that generates fire. When Suzaku is sealed near the end of the series, he loses this ability. This is odd, considering that the fan had been in the possession of the "leader pro tempore" of Tasuke's gang, a fat schlub who was certainly no Seishi, and he had no problem using it.

• Mitsutake - A mystical healer, it's his job to conveniently not be available anytime Watase wants someone to be injured or die.

• Chiriko - An absolute waste of space. He even admits it upon his death. He contributes to the plot on only three occasions: his first appearance, where he saves all the Seishi upon one of their contrived weak spells, in Hokkan, where he comes up with the idea to use flares to communicate, and in Sailo where he kills himself to destroy a Seiryuu Seishi. Other than that, he pretty much just stands around, and rarely even has any lines.

Think about it! How often in the series do they accomplish anything? They fail to call Suzaku the first time. They do acquire the Hokkan Shinzaho, but Nakago explains that he's letting them have it. Then it's stolen from them, because they're too stupid to circle around Miaka as they leave the cave. They never defeat Tomo; one of the Seiryuu Seishi does that. They fail to acquire the Sailo Shinzaho. They fail to stop Yui from calling Seiryuu. Even at the end, they're useless against Nakago. Only one of Taitsu-kun's deus ex machina ass-savings wins the day. A plot device she gave to Chiriko allows Miaka to seal Seiryuu, rendering Nakago so helpless, Chiriko could have taken him out.

Remember how I said I laughed as the two gods were blasting Tokyo to pieces? That's nothing compared to how hard I laughed when I learned that Miaka failed the Jonan Academy exams. She failed AGAIN! I get the feeling that if Miaka and neo-Tamahome ever try to have sex, he'll be unable to achieve an erection.

So once you understand that the heroes are a bunch of useless clods, the story becomes easy to figure out. And if you still need help predicting the next episode, those wonderful previews are all you need! Who needs spoilers from r.a.a when the damned show itself tells you what's going to happen! "In the next episode, Nuriko dies." "Miaka failed to prevent Yui from calling Seiryuu". Gee, thanks for telling me. I'd hate to actually have to watch the show to find out!

So, to sum up, I've watched all of Fushigi Yuugi. I don't like it, and I think I have perfectly good reasons not to like it. Oh, sure, the artwork is beautiful. But if all I want is pretty pictures, I'll download them or buy them at a con. An anime has to have a well-written plot to keep me happy for (a mind-numbing) 52 episodes, and this show's plot is one of the weakest I've ever encountered.

Let's go to this month's topic.
If you were reading last month, you already know what it is.