by Ryan Mathews

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August 1999

Or at least that's the way it works in my fantasy world. In fact, more often than not, I let the time slip away and have to squeeze all the work into the last weekend. Even worse, I could spend that last weekend flying to a convention in California and end up trying to create the column from scratch in the last few days. That's right, folks, I'm flying by the seat of my pants! As I write this, it's Wednesday night, the deadline is Saturday morning, and I don't even know what the topic will be. You'll find out when I do! Isn't that cool?

But, hey, Anime Expo 99 was worth it. Aside from an embarrassing technical gaffe that made the masquerade two hours late (that might have been a record), and variations on the usual registration problems, it was an incredibly successful con. As usual, I was on two panels, Fan-Fiction and Anime On-Line. The Fan-Fiction panel was two hours long this year. I've always believed that fanfic writers could fill two hours, and I was right, but ninety minutes is my personal limit. I was really dragging for those last two hours. After the fanfic panel, I was interviewed by the lovely Trisha Sebastian. The interview should eventually appear .

I enjoyed seeing the premieres of the movies Spriggan and Tenchi Forever, the latter of which finished mere minutes before the start of the aforementioned Fanfic panel, forcing me to run to make it. It is here where my rant begins. (You just knew there was going to be one, didn't you?)

You know what sucks about seeing movies at anime conventions? All the inappropriate laughter from the otaku. I don't know how many times during both movies my enjoyment was interrupted by laughing idiots. The story would become intense and I would begin to really get into it, when all of a sudden, a line of dialogue would trigger a cacophony of guffaws from a large group of otaku. Apparently they laugh whenever they think something is cool.

An example: during Spriggan, an over-the-top action adventure anime, the main character is getting his ass kicked. When his uniform is torn, revealing the number "43" tattooed on his body, his opponent refers to him by that number. The main character angrily states "I am not a number!". Now, I don't know if it was the unintentional Prisoner reference, or if they thought it was cool, or it was simply Otaku Happy Time, but for whatever reason, the laughing otakus completely broke the mood in what was supposed to be a tense scene.

Far worse than that were the reactions during Tenchi Forever. In this movie, Tenchi disappears and is discovered living with a woman named Haruna. Yes, living with her, with all that implies. There is a lovemaking scene between Tenchi and Haruna. This scene is the most gentle, romantic thing you could imagine. It's beautiful. It demands to be appreciated in silence. All this was lost on the immature otaku, however, who hooted, hollered, and laughed as if they were watching a blue movie. The moment was destroyed.

So may I give this advice to people who view anime at cons? Shut the hell up!! If the noise is inappropriate in a movie theatre, it's inappropriate at a video room. Of course, anyone who's been to the opening of a Star Trek film knows you have pretty much the same problem in the theaters. Oh, well.

By the way, without spoiling anything, Tenchi Forever is beautiful, touching, answers questions about Tenchi's, Aeka's, and Ryoko's feelings, and concludes absolutely nothing. If you're expecting this movie to be the official end to the Tenchi multiverse, you're going to be disappointed. But if you're just expecting a wonderful movie, you won't be.

Okay... Topic, topic, what to do for a topic?